On Being 40
chadfowler.com
chadfowler.com
I'll be 49 later this year. My advice: Keep training, it is the best and most important thing. I stopped for a while (long story) and ended up with Old Man back problems (10 minutes to fall out of bed, 5 minutes to crawl to the toilet, peeing in the toilet a gymnastic accomplishment, not to mention getting back down...).
Second most important thing: Don't have a bullet list, just do shit. Do act in a play. Do learn an instrument. Do be in a movie. Heck, be in several movies (play many different characters, from hero to clown to psycho). Do abandon a successful 12 year solo career when offered a partnership in a small but growing firm (now I have 4 spouses, yay! And growing pains. Yay!).
Always say "yes, that would be cool", never be afraid 1.
1 Still working on that, haven't been bungee jumping yet. But my firm will have 10 or so employees in a few months, with almost as many subs, and I'm in 5 DVD/Netflix releases planned for 2014.
The 40s rock. The 50s are going to be awesome.
They have spouses, and we all have kids. And we have employees. My extended family is far larger than I'd ever dreamed....
At 43 here is my experience:
-I can't stay awake as long as I used to either. Nor do I want to anymore.
-My body doesn't hurt all the time... I have heard this from others but it hasn't happened to me. Still, I can't do what I used to without it really wiping me out and requiring rest. And, I'm not as fast as I used to be. But, I find I am still as strong as ever... I think even stronger.
-I certainly know more, but feel I don't think as fast as I did 15 years ago. I'm at peace with that. One offsets the other for me.
-I'm more jaded and cynical about life but, paradoxically more patient. What used to be unforgivable sins in others are just not as grating anymore. At the same time I expect the worst from others more than I used to I believe.
-Ditto on appreciation. Didn't used to have it as much as now. Maybe because I expect the worst and am pleasantly surprised when it doesn't show up.
-I don't think I'm wise... not going to claim that, but I do feel I have more control over my life and my reaction to events. I'm certainly less impetus.
I wouldn't think this will be the outcome for everyone. YMMV.
This guy is a CTO, so he's hit that milestone I guess. I'm still hungry.
I've more or less given up on major success. I just kind of want to not live hand to mouth now. But you never know. The one thing i've learned not to do is fool myself into thinking I know what shape the future will take. Cynicism is a lot easier when you think you're immortal.
I had mine around the early 30's. Had done it all and was wondering what next. Marriage, kids decent job, good pay, low expenses, decent house.
Got rid of the job and pay and living off savings now. Will be 40 soon. Hopefully I will figure out the meaning of it all. For now I focus on living.
I've pretty much got everything I've ever wanted out of life. Make enough money to live comfortably and have leftovers every month, have published a book, have started a business, am debt free, have complete freedom from everything.
Really the only thing I still haven't done is publish in an academic journal. But my life has taken on a trajectory completely outside academia, so not sure that's likely to happen anymore.
Everything else, it seems, is just a matter of degree. Eventually I will be financially more successful than I am now, but that will only get me a bunch of things I don't care for. I will publish more books and they might end up being more renowned or not, but there isn't really _that_ much you can do with renown other than turn it into even more financial success, or enjoy it out of pure vanity. And I guess I will start more businesses, launch more products, and some might even become hugely successful ... but that's just a matter of degree once you've passed the barrier of having done it once at all.
Guess I could eventually start a family, but I've never wanted one of those. If I do start one it's going to be out of pure boredom and wanting to try new things. And that is probably the shittiest reason to start a family.
Pretty much everything left on my bucket list is pure hedonism. But that seems like a shitty thing to strive for in life.
My fear is that I think the worst is ahead of me. I have been so blessed and when I see suffering around the world, I feel undeserving of the good luck. It seems everyone's life has suffering in them and their share of bad luck.
I have had challenges but I was able to overcome them. I guess I haven't come across yet of problems where I am helpless. I fear I haven't seen enough and its ahead..
There is also a part of instictive feel that tells me I only have maybe another 3-4 yrs left. For long time I have felt I won't see 45.
I mean sure, I could always do with more stuff, but it doesn't bring me deep joy. I only enjoy it for the novelty ... and then I might as well just borrow it for the first two or three times until I get bored, then move on to the next borrowed thing.
Ownership is meh. Too much hassle. Not enough novelty/excitement.
Really the only reason to own things is so the taxman takes less and you "keep" more. Even if you keep it in a form you don't particularly need.
You're already saving, that's good, for the time many years in the future when you can no longer work. Also think about saving for a time when you'll feel differently about owning things and/or having kids.
Well there's your problem. I'm not speaking from experience but it seems a lot of people find meaning in the sense of others counting on you, if not depending on you. Having a spouse/life partner/whatever brings meaning and having children is the most obvious and common form but there are lots of other ways.
One of the interesting things about aging is the realization how short life is. When I started considering the frame of mind that I had less life to live, than I had already lived, it made it easier to focus on the important stuff. I too was fortunate to find someone at a young age who was compatible with my quirks. And while many folks I have met eschew the notion of marriage and even family, I find that without my wife and kids I have a hard time contextualizing what, if anything, I've contributed in exchange for the raw materials I've consumed. That was not something I expected to feel when I started out.
What mattered back then was to always be smarter, to always know that already (for any value of "that"), etc. I'm still that way sometimes, of course. The alpha nerd does not just disappear.
Well, it took 20 more years, but I get it. When it's all over, it may be that all that mattered was love.
So, a human is born, lives and dies and that's it? Earth, planets, solar systems, galaxies, the universe, all just some big accident. Wow. Of all of the above, no signs of life from any planet out of billions and billions but ours and it was just an accident. Wow.
The worms crawl in, the worms crawl out, the worms play pinochle on your snout.
If it's simply a rare phenomenon, this is what we'd expect to see. If intelligent life arises on one planet in billions and billions, it is not surprising at all that it will be on the one planet with intelligent life looking around and asking the question.