Then after having a kid, I did a 180 and became the very "bad" employee I used to judge. Do other programmers with kids have similar tails? Did anyone make the conscious choice to be a bad employee but a good parent?
I've always preferred to be with my SO instead of participating in "out of office hours"-time with colleagues. I guess I was a worse fit for a company since I fell in love.
That is such a great question that it made me stop and re-think your entire post. I absolutely love that. I never have but I can envision someone who could do that out of necessity. If little Bobby Tables is a special needs child, to pick an example, and you have one chance to get him into a special school, I'm sure that at the end of your life you would not regret for one instance being less than a stellar employee that one day while you worked so hard to get Bobby into that school. I get it. I understand. Doesn't make me want to hire you but again: at the end of your life, what would you regret more: having slacked off for one day at work, or having ensured that your child got the best help/education he could at such a critical time?
kids give you perspective, as you now know