Why It's Hard for Women to "Lean In" in Tech
poweredbypardees.com
poweredbypardees.com
While I'm glad attention is being given to the terrible behavior of a small number of men in tech who have no social skills to speak of, if you really want to talk about the ratio problem, you have to talk about how to get girls into tech when they are children.
"He then proceeded to offend me in my own language. I was so horrified I slapped him, which literally made everyone else in the room stop talking and stare at me."
I have no idea why this author thinks that bro culture somehow justifies her physically assaulting someone at a tech conference. Then lamenting about, "I know there must be other women struggle in these situations [sic]" makes it even worse.
[edit: I agree with the other commenter, this is an ill-written, lopsided, and clickbait-y article, won't be a loss if someone flags it off the front page.]
It is never prudent to assume malicious intent on someone's part and physically assault them -- and then follow up with a piece about how this means that you are somehow the sufferer.
Yeah, someone is an asshole to you at a conference.. Never attend another conference and leave completely the field you're in.
A teacher has been an asshole to me once, I dropped out of school. Do you realize how childish this is?
A manager has been an asshole to me, not only did I leave the company, but I changed the field I work in. Just because of that manager.
Point 2:
Most VCs are men. Most company founders are men. VC's don't get businesses targeted towards women.. So why aren't there women VC's who would get businesses targeted towards women?
If Point 1 criticized Bro Culture in the Hackdom, I don't think there's a bro culture in VC's, and I certainly think there are women with money. Why don't they fund companies, and companies ran by women?
Paul Graham wrote something about founders with thick accents. Some people might find it racist, but it's just the way it is. We can either cry about it, and whine about how the industry should be more caring and catering to people with thick accents, or they can learn to speak English!
(PS: I'm not a native English speaker, so don't tell me I'm a xenophobic douchebag or a racist. Doesn't keep me from being fluent in 5 languages I use on a daily basis, though).
3. Safety..
Alcohol + late night + gender imbalanced room = sounds like clubs in ghettos I don't go to.. Though I won't go to the club and ask the owner to change his club: I just won't go there, and choose a better club.
In other words: If you don't like a place, just don't go.
And Pardees, you are not the only one getting hit on by men. I'm a man, and I do get hit on by men. Some even propose to pay me. I do get hit on by women, too. And some proposed to pay me, too. I'm not shocked by either. When there's someone insisting, I just avoid them. I don't view them as predators(regardless of gender), I view them as people trying to get laid, which is okay by me.
Point 3:
Yes, and double yes ! That's the attitude. Women need to "woman up!".
The practice of demanding equality and yet, demanding a double standard can't continue.
I'm sure there are women who are well off, why don't more of those start a VC company?
Do I need to bring back the History of Silicon Valley and how it all started? I come from Electronics Engineering, so people on the Software side might have a more recent referencial for started than Fairchild and all: They didn't like it, they left, asked for funding, started their own.
Get inspired, people, get inspired ! Don't whine. Fight and make shit happen !
Or, we can work to change the culture that views an accent as detrimental. We do that by talking about it. You (incorrectly) call it whining, I call it keeping awareness up.
Alcohol + late night + gender imbalanced room = you average hack night. That this also resembles your ghetto club is precisely the problem.
Point 1:
For your example of quitting school, you are making the assumption that the tech industry has the same welcoming environment as academia for women. I can tell you that is wrong.
The same argument can be applied to your second example. At most jobs (not startups) there are harassment policies in place so I know who to complain to if my manager makes a move on me. At hackathons, these policies are not always in place. At the time, I didn't know I could complain against that man. I also wrote this blog post for my friends and they know the whole story. I apologize for not writing it, I will go back and edit my post. The man that made that comment is an angel investor in Boston and NYC. He has invested in some of my friends' startups. I was mortified that he treated me in that way and I was afraid that if I said anything I would be ostracized and have my career ruined if I said anything. My friends showed me this wasn't true.
Point 2:
Most women don't know they can have that as a career option. There are women who are working towards this vision, and we need help from experienced men to help us succeed.
I disagree with Paul Graham's statement. There is no official language in the U.S. and French is actually the language of business. English is not my first language, and though I do not have an accent, I am perceived to have one because I pronounce my name the correct way. We need to stop putting our own perceptions on each other and work together to make an industry that works for all.
I am not whining, I am talking about my experiences and this is the only way for us to learn about each other. Silencing those of us who are unhappy is not the answer. Give us the space to contribute just as much as our white and/or male counterparts have.
On Safety
At a club I can say something and that man is taken away by security. That is not always the case in the tech industry and that needs to change so we feel safe. I do not attend conferences for the entertainment of the men around me. I'm here to learn just like they are. I'm sure you get hit on by men, but are you afraid to say no because they may rape you and that is worse than just being okay with it? Do people call you a bitch or a tease when you say no? Though I could be wrong, I doubt that you have the same fears I do in the same situations.
Point 3
This is how we get inspired and this is how we fight. It has taken me almost 2.5 years to have the courage to speak about my experiences. I do realize now that my post could be seen as very negative towards men and I apologize for that. I'm going to work on a more positive post soon :)
Why do the women in tech have to be "strong women"? As long as you need "strong women" in tech, I think that implies the environment is still hostile to them, and only the fittest survive.
We're well aware the environment is hostile, that's why these articles are prevalent.
Fortunately, people keep raising awareness. Over time, it will require less and less strength to survive as a woman in our male dominated arena. Eventually the average woman will be happy working in a tech startup and we can all be happy that the world has grown up a little.
We're all humans and those of us who aren't complete shitheels know how to work together and even encourage people that are somehow different.
If your mileage varies, shame those that are making you feel that way.
Your comment on shaming assumes that the industry sees all women and men on equal footing, instead of based on their social clout. The most disturbing trend I've noticed as a women in tech for 4 years is that predatory, well-known men target new up-and-coming women on the scene so if the women do complain, the men will pretty much be untouchable.