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I've been experiencing the same thing (on and off) since my early 20s, but very acutely since finishing my PhD at age 30.

For me, it seems to be something like psychotic depression with dissociative features. But I have no formal diagnosis, mainly because I am distrustful of the psychiatric community. I have no idea what to do.

Anyhow, thanks for sharing your story.

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run, don't walk, and study the work of clancy mckenzie, a psychiatrist who worked with schizophrenics for 40+ years.

he predicts your acute experience since finishing your phd - it's a standard separation trauma and which has triggered you back to infant neurology, infant psychology and infant physiology.

Stay out of the pathologizing paradigm. Explore non-duality perspectives, Zen, meditation. With these modalities you can learn to relax into whatever seems to arise or whatever seem to dissolve.

You might try MDMA based therapy if you need a quick fix. Oh and exercise

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