Ask HN: Trivial etiquette question - can he touch my laptop screen? | Hacker News Reader

Ask HN: Trivial etiquette question - can he touch my laptop screen?

62 pointscromulent131 comments

Coworkers often touch my laptop screen, jabbing at some interesting item. I don't like it. Actually, I think it is rude, but I feel bad about requesting that they don't do it, or even quietly getting out my eyeglass polishing cloth and removing the mark in front of them.

Is it OK to touch someone's laptop screen?

Or am I being over-sensitive?

As a freelancer, I have my own (expensive) laptop, whereas many co-workers have company-bought ones, but I felt that way even when I had a company one.

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I always start the sentence with...

"I know this is weird, but..."

It helps me get to the actual point of direct confrontation, but by blaming it on myself it helps absorb some of the awkward.

Truly though, I hate it when people touch my laptop's screen!

Big big upvote. This works much better than the passive-agressive method of silently glaring and cleaning your screen in front of co-worker.

Here are more examples of the same technique:

"This is totally my own OCD, but it drives me crazy if..."

"Just a sec, I have to apologize, but..."

"It's probably just me, but it kills me when..."

(Don't forget to smile and be apologetic, tone is key)

Damn, what a bunch of sissies. Don't apologise for stuff that isn't your fault, tell them not to touch your screen. No need to make an excuse. Don't be rude, but don't be ridiculous over the top apologetic either.

Well, I think the reason most people try to be nice/humorous is that the screen-poker is generally not aware that they are doing something wrong. They view their computer as a piece of furniture--something that sits on their desks.

Making a joke or lighthearted comment is a lot more effective than saying "hey there, I know you just use your work computer for MS Office, solitaire, and Facebook, but I care more about this computer than most people care for their children. Keep your dirty mitts off of it."

They'll probably never understand why you care so much for your computer, so it's better just to pretend you have some 'weird' issue with people touching your stuff.

If they are not an asshole "please don't touch my screen" is all you need to say.

Let out a little scream like a madman, "aaaahhh! no touch screen!"

Silliness works.

Or my favorite: "Touching my computer is like touching my penis. Seriously."

"What's seventeen inches and resting on my thigh"?

http://galleontrade.org/news/wp-content/uploads/2007/06/scol...

Take out a piece of clear tape, put it where they touched the screen, take it off and put it on a blank piece of paper, then write their name and the finger they used on the paper. If they ask say it's "for my records."

In my opinion comedy only works in situations like these if you're also a bit silly/comic in other situations. Otherwise it's obvious that you're just using it to try to diffuse the confrontation and it doesn't work.

True. I'm silly most of the time.

I don't think your favorite line will work if it's a female co-worker though !

Well, she's certainly not going to touch your screen again.

That is definitly one to remember. And it is actually good advice, making a joke out of it will make the other person feel less bad.

Unless they keep touching the screen. Then it could get awkward.

As long as your laptop doesn't increase in size, you should not worry

Just up the ante. Scream like a madman, do a rain dance. Silly scales.

Ok, if someone used your favorite line on me it would provoke an entire hand rubbing across the screen, but then I'm a bit of a real life troll. :-)

I don't think what you would have done would be trolling, it'd be making a pass at him.

See: rain dance.

Or if they're wearing glasses touch those with your greasy fingers. They'll get the hint.

It's etiquette that a lot of people don't know. For example, most people who don't work in technology (and a few who do) don't see a need to look away when you're typing a password - just as most people who don't work in (insert profession here) don't know about (insert profession based behavior expectation here).

I type dvorak on qwerty keyboards, I don't care if they are looking.

I type Bépo (french Dvorak) on a blank keyboard, so they know I don't care.

I hate that. It's the same as people starting a sentence with "I'm sorry, but..." And then saying something that they're not really sorry about.

It's not silly to not want someone to touch your screen. I think you should just come out and say it. "Please don't touch my monitor."

Personally I would use the "I'm sorry, but..." approach because I'd be legitimately sorry that I have to take conversation into an awkward direction for a moment. I think the direct approach, while some would appreciate it, is taking a bit of a gamble: there's too much of a chance the person could take it the wrong way.

I have a theory, it may be way off, but are you an American?

Starting a sentence with "I'm sorry, but..." is a very British thing to do, in my observation (and Bill Bryson's, for that matter).

This is what I do, and it's never a problem. The reasons why you wouldn't want somebody touching your scren are pretty obvious. I'm not apologizing to someone else for /them/ smudging their filthy hand marks all over /my/ screen!

There's a "please", it's not like it's rude...

I would drop the please and just say "Oh, could you not touch the screen" and then explain why.

I have a theory, it may be way off, but are you an American?

I'd also offer them an option, like a mouse to point with.

What use is a mouse if they don't know how to use a finger to point without touching? They'd probably start off by licking it or something.

There is nothing weird about wanting to protect your eye sight. This is one of those commonalities that does not require explanation. Its a shared experience: nobody('s eyes) likes looking at smudged up screens.

Wow I'm hearing tons of complicated ways to avoid direct conversation. If you pay several thousand dollars for a machine, I'm pretty sure you get to decide to gets to do what with it. If it is your companies screen, you are still responsible for it, so the same thing applies. Next time it happens, just politely explain how you feel. There's no need for the passive aggressive solutions that a few people are suggesting.

Yes, exactly. "Please don't touch my screen" has always worked fine for me. Especially if you get it out quick before they actually make contact, always say it politely, and make sure that you repeat the warning 100% of the time that there's a finger heading towards the screen.

    "Hey, you see that thing right--"
    "Please don't touch my screen."
    "I didn't touch it, though."
    "I know.  Thank you.  Please keep it that way."
    "Ok... anyway, the thing right here--" (pointing)
    "Please don't touch my screen."
    (mildly annoyed, steps back a foot) "So, the thing under the red bit there..."

The downside is that the obsessive screen smudger will be a little bit annoyed at you. Which, in my opinion, is better that you being annoyed at them. At least it's in the open. And, there's a good chance that they won't come bother you f2f as much, unless it's really necessary, which is a bonus.

If that doesn't work, just work remotely.

And, seriously, what kind of unevolved cretin can't communicate without pointing anyway? It's embarrassing. If you have to point, point with the mouse, or learn to use Skitch.

We clearly have very different ideas of what "polite" means. Your little exchange makes you come off sounding like a prized asshole.

And, seriously, what kind of unevolved cretin can't communicate without pointing anyway?

This is ridiculous. Pointing serves a very useful purpose in communication, and is often far more efficient than verbal cues. Have you really never pointed at anything while trying to communicate something to someone? If not, you should really try it. You'll be amazed at how easy and effective it is :)

Yes, I know what pointing accomplishes. But it's also very effective to communicate without marking up my screen in greasy finger prints. Everyone — everyone — who thinks that they can point at something on a screen effectively without touching it, is just fooling themselves. You will touch my screen if you point at it, and I'll know you touched it, because your fingerprint will be there, painted in disgusting finger grease distorting my beautiful pixels. Maybe not every time, but most of the time.

There is a place for prized asshole behavior. Frankly, touching someone's screen when it clearly bothers them is pretty damn rude, imo. If the only way to get them to stop is to make them uncomfortable doing it in your presence, that seems fair to me.

I'd react roughly the same way if someone rubbed their genitals on my screen while I was using it. It's that offensive to me. (Actually, I wouldn't mind the genitals quite as much. They're probably cleaner.)

There is a place for prized asshole behavior.

Probably not. There's always a better way to say something. Acting like an asshole is just a fallback for not understanding how to effectively communicate. I'd be annoyed at a coworker if I had the dialogue you posted above with him/her.

I'd react roughly the same way if someone rubbed their genitals on my screen while I was using it. It's that offensive to me.

Really? You'd politely say "Please don't touch my screen with your genitals"?

I don't know you or anything, but it seems like life is too short to get this worked up over something so trivial.

I just pointed at your screen, did I leave a mark ?

The goal of the better suggestions isn't to avoid confrontation, but to remind that there are ways to make requests that are more and less likely to get you what you want. Accusatory, sarcastic, and snide tones are well into the "less likely to get you what want", zone; making yourself out to be the one with the problem, and framing the request as asking a co-worker to do you a small favor is much more likely to have a positive result.

The reason people have all these passive aggressive solutions is because they feel kind of embarrassed that they have such an attachment to an inanimate object. It's like telling someone not to touch your baby.

I know most people will claim that it's just the cost of the item, but in reality I think it's that they're addicted to that little window into the machine. I know I am.

It's more likely because you don't want to have to clean fingerprints off the screen.

Wow, this is proof that this place is turning into Digg more and more every day.

I think the passive aggressive solutions exist because most people have terrible communication skills. It seems like it all comes from the assumption that if you actually disagree with someone or want them to behave a different way around you, you must be a huge asshole that no one will respect. If we communicate indirectly, we get to claim the higher moral ground because we were merely "passive" while the other person OBVIOUSLY didn't get our EXTREMELY OBVIOUS indirect message and therefore must be not only an asshole but an idiot.

Now the other guy is the rude idiot. Problem solved!

I see a lot of posts from the anal retentive crowd. Here's the opposite opinion:

I think it's ok to touch laptop screens. I touch my own and if I'm interested enough in pointing something out I may touch yours because at that point I'm at a completely different place mentally and not thinking about your little quirks. One of my co workers stressed out every time I touched his screen but it didn't make me stop. I'd avoid it when I remembered but I frankly don't believe it's a big issue. He'd let a loud annoyed sigh and reach for the cleaner that he kept by his desk and I'd laugh at him.

Your pet peeve is not really my problem.

Your expensive screen is not brittle and will not crack at the slightest touch. It will not melt under the powerful corrosive force of my finger oils. It just makes a little streak. Get over it and carry one of those fuzzy lcd wipey things with you if it bothers you that much.

Anyway, people like me exist. We will annoy you but it's (mostly) unintentional. You can try to point out your annoyance in all sorts of amusing/passive aggressive ways but it's not going to completely work. It's still going to happen. Realize that you're being a bit irrational and get over it.

I've learned that people like you exist, and there is an easy way to deal with them. Simply flat-out refuse to engage in a meaningful dialog unless you stop touching my fucking screen. In fact, I'll even get up and walk away if necessary. ("How about we go discuss this at your monitor?")

It's not about the expense, and calling it a pet peeve is very dismissive. It's about respect and personal space more than anything else.

Consider this: I'm more comfortable without pants on. When I work from home, in my own space, I'm usually not wearing pants. But when I come into the office, I put on pants, because I have some modicum of respect for the people I work with, and I know that pantslessness is going to make people uncomfortable.

Your behavior doesn't bother you, but ignoring the fact that it bothers others is the very definition of rudeness. Do you also lick strangers?

There is a comment above about people being so attached to inanimate objects, you comment kinda solidifies that for me. It is a laptop, not your person (or my person, I won't let people touch my screen either).

Damn, now I want to take my pants off and smear my hands across your screen.

Honestly, if you started getting up and walking away every time I came to your cube, I'd be there 3 times a day and half of the other people in the office would be in on it and find it hilarious and you'd probably end up in the cupboard crying and hand in your notice.

Seriously just say "please don't touch my screen" instead of this hilarious behaviour.

Jeez, why would anyone want to work with such a bully? Do you take your coworkers' lunch money, too?

I'd just quit, simple as that. If my boss wanted me to stay, he'd make sure you stopped or left. I'm an experienced javascripter in Silicon Valley. Finding a job is not a problem, in this or any economy, and nothing's worth working in a hostile environment. If you were working for me, you'd be fired on the spot for such behavior.

In a professional environment, blatant disrespect should not be tolerated. I'm pretty sure my feelings on this matter are not unusual.

So you'd tolerate your co-workers passive aggressive bullshit?

The "don't touch my screen" thing is fine by me, but that mardy shit can fuck off, either say it or get out.

Now replace "touching my laptop" with "urinating in my car".

It won't ruin the car. And it's just an object after all.

If you urinated in someones car and they were upset, would you tell them they were being irrational or to get over it? Maybe tell them they should keep a towel in the car in case the passengers urinate? I mean, if you think it's ok to urinate in a car then it's not really your problem if they seem annoyed by it...

For me, that attitude is heading beyond rude and into the realm of sociopathic.

Seriously, are you really saying that you think it's irrational to try to set the boundaries on how other people interact with your own personal property?

For that matter, I think touching a car is widely seen as legitimately annoying to anyone who wants to keep it shiny.

Doubly so for the windshield.

yea i know its fun to touch things, but if i was your co-worker i would have put up one of those protective screens that covers the LCD panel. That way everyone's happy.

It is not OK for others to smudge/grease/smear/taint/foul or otherwise violate your screen. No matter how expensive the screen is or who owns it.

I used to be one of those until I forced myself to take a pencil everywhere for if I could not hold back the urge. This keeps the screen clean and makes pointing more accurate.

My advice: Don't feel bad about telling them to back off - they may not even know this is not done. And if they do it again, compare it to if they had to use a (sweaty) friend's keyboard or mobile phone. So, limiting possible exposure to this is in everyone's favour.

I agree completely, people do this all the time, waving pens at my screen, etc. I think the easiest way to do it was the way you suggested, most people will get the hint if you just polish the smudge they left in front of them. You don't have to be rude or anything. You can even be discreet about it. People will still get the point.

I had a co-worker who used to stop what she was doing, and blurt some variation of "here, let me help you clean that fingerprint off my monitor" and then proceed to engage in her ritual of cleaning the CRT (this predated LCD monitors). Several other coworkers intentionally would poke the monitor with their fingers (the grease from the side of your nose is great for this), just to get a rise out of her.

The day she pulled her little routine on one of the vice presidents was her last day at the office. She was out of the building before lunch.

This is almost making me angry. Someone would fire someone else for that? Please tell me you're not saying that.

The company shouldn't fire someone for not knowing their place in front of a vice president and making a snide remark? I think that's absolutely acceptable. If the vice president wants to touch your screen, you're not really in a place to chew him out about it. I would venture to guess that doing so was most likely indicative of broader issues with the employee in this case, i.e., if she doesn't know her place in front of upper-level executives, how is she interacting with important customers, contractors, vendors, government officials, etc.?

This is hacker news dude! We hate authoritarians throwing their weight around.

Whatever. Maybe the Vice President worked 80 hour weeks for 5 years and has paid for her monitor, her chair, her desk and the building she works in.

I stand by what I said. Just because I'm a hacker I don't have to have a misplaced sense of my own self-importance in front of someone like a vice president.

I wouldn't do what this person did in front of a VP either but being fired for it is not something I approve of. Although, as another commenter mentioned, if it was delivered in a significantly snotty way being fired becomes quite predictable. Authority believes it has earned the right not be spoken down to but real winners won't care, much.

She failed to show sufficient deference to the VP (who in other posts I've frequently called "crazy french lady"), who had on occasion gone to the board of directors and gotten other VPs fired.

As developers, we like to pretend that we're above office politics, or that our tools are our own, and other things like that. Nope. To managers, we're all as interchangable as furniture. And it wouldn't surprise me that much of the offshoring is due to the combination of 2 facts: that they have the power and we don't; and that the jocks are pissed off at the nerds because we don't kiss their asses enough. Just look at the title of one of the latest fad articles and books to come out of the Harvard Business Journal: does I.T. matter?. Remember what PG says about mental fads? "What scares me is that there are moral fashions too. They're just as arbitrary, and just as invisible to most people. But they're much more dangerous. Fashion is mistaken for good design; moral fashion is mistaken for good."

http://www.c2.com/cgi/wiki?PlugCompatibleInterchangeableEngi...

http://www.nicholasgcarr.com/doesitmatter.html

http://www.paulgraham.com/say.html

Sounds like she was snide about it. However, that is a dumb reason to fire someone. I would not have wanted to work for that company.

It was the IT dept of a consulting company. The IT managers jested that watching Office Space was an occupation requirement, as the whole company was a bunch of the Bob & Bobs. This place tried to pitch themselves as a smaller and older (mis)management consulting company, in the lines of McKinsey, E&Y or KPMG.

A "space violation" which doesn't involve actual damage to something might be a matter of social/cultural etiquette. Different cultures have different distances that people stand apart from each other or different amounts of touching between friends and acquaintances.

But I think its always over-the-line when a touch can actual do some small amount of damage to the item - any touch to laptop screen is going to be reducing its lifetime at least a bit.

But I think its always over-the-line when a touch can actual do some small amount of damage to the item - any touch to laptop screen is going to be reducing its lifetime at least a bit. Bah. Well, in theory, maybe.

But can anyone here honestly say that they've ever had to get rid of a laptop even one day earlier than they would have anyways because of the damaging effects of finger oils on the screen? There are so many things in a laptop that degrade more quickly than the screen surface, I just don't think it's a very legitimate worry.

What's the worst case scenario from touching a laptop screen a lot, other than the minor annoyance of having to wipe the crap off from time to time?

Reducing its lifetime? How on earth can a touch reduce the lifetime of your laptop lcd? The insides that actually create the pictures are separated by layers of plastic you know...

If someone would do this to me, it would make me feel very awkward. I know, it is awkward that someone has touched your screen, but that is no reason to make them feel bad about it too.

I think it is so much more polite to just ask people not to do it again. Just asking them will get the point across and will not make them feel awkward.

Pen is something different though as it doesn't live a fingerprint or any trace. People touching my display with their fingers really pisses me off but a pen (or a ruler or anything) okay for me. Or even if they must, then at least touch it with the tip of their nails and not with the skin.

That might come across as a little passive-aggressive, I think bringing it up and asking either they they not do it or they they use the back of their finger as others have suggested is a better idea.

I've seen children do this (and asked them politely to look but not touch), but adults, really?

You could keep a couple of laser pointers handy for the touchy ones. Just hand it to them whenever they show up. Everybody likes lasers.

Boy, it seems like your post hit a nerve. On the other hand (no pun intended), we look forward to buying Apple's tablet... Go figure.

If the Apple tablet is real, it will most likely come with that fancy-schmancy oleophobic screen they put on the iPhone 3GS. So, no problemo: put it in your oversized pocket, take it out, and "boom" (tm) it's clean.

  don't touch it
  slaps with large trout
  so sad a smudge

First of all, you shouldn't apologize for telling people not to touch your screen.

I would be curt about it when it happens: "Please don't touch the screen, thanks." And say it with a smile. That way it would almost be a disposable, passing remark like: "Watch your step.". Making a big production of it would be worse for both sides. You want to say something and just move on so the incident doesn't linger too long. In a way, you are trusting the person to get the point. If he/she doesn't get it then it's their fault, not yours. I can see how this would be difficult if it doesn't suit your personality or the one you project at the office.

This thread is really fascinating, ranging from the hilarious to the intelligent. I agree that touching isn't THAT big of a deal that you need to get all worked up. However, there are legitimate reasons for not touching people's screens. I have a screen with a matte display -- that's without the extremely glossy and reflective glass covering. If someone has even the shortest of short fingernails -- and most people do -- they're going to do some kind of damage to the rather sensitive, uncovered screen. I'm not about to go get a mirror -- other people call them glossy screens -- just to protect my screen from your projectile fingers. If I do touch a screen, which happens because like some person said, you don't always think about it, I make sure to touch with the pad of my finger and not the nail. And pens are a complete nofuckingway no matter what kind of screen it is. They will ruin any screen. You ever try to get ink out of a tiny indentation in a glass screen? Because you can't. It's happened to me.

So in conclusion, if your screen isn't glass-covered and they're coming at it like an ICBM, definitely say something polite (Excuse me..., Please don't..., Umm...). But if your screen is protected and they're not using a pen/knife to point...let it go. Most screens are so bright you can't even see smudges.

There was an article here the other day from some hacker that almost proudly stated that he went through 2 or 3 laptops a year. I thought this was absolutely ridiculous. My laptops last five years or more. What a waste of money.

If you love something, take care of it and it'll last longer and treat you well. We live in a disposable society. I was always taught to take care of things so they would last. You too apparently.

I like a clean screen.

I think it's fine to touch the screen.

You think it is fine to touch the screen, but this thread is showing you that many people do not agree.

Please do not touch my screen.

only when it is a touch screen, not the normal ones

I ask people to use the back of their finger (the fingernail side), instead of the part with all the oil. Its a nice compromise and keeps off most smudges while not taking away people's ability to express themselves.

As for a pen, that simply warrants breaking someone's hand for a first offense. Word will get around quick after that ;).

It's mostly clients who touch my screen, and they also happen to be the last people I would ever say anything to. But truth be told, I don't really consider it that big of a deal. I am of the opinion that you should pick your battles in life and in most cases it's just easier to take a cloth out of your drawer and wipe the screen than it is to say something to someone who may take it too personally or cause you unneeded grief in some way. When you tell someone not to touch your screen, most of them will immediately feel embarrassed. Some people will channel this embarrassment into not touching screens anymore and others will take your comment too personally and channel this embarrassment into making your life unpleasant in some way that just isn't worth it.

I'd say it's more rude to touch someone else's screen than to ask someone not to touch your screen. Go ahead and tell them not to dirty up your screen.

The situation with the company laptop is a little more complicated because the property is, in some ways, as much theirs as it is yours. Still, you're using the equipment so you have a right to keep it smudge-free, whether by wiping off the mark or by asking them not to do that. Hopefully they'd take the hint if they saw you wiping away the smudge.

Interesting to see all the followups. I had no idea that anyone cared about this. Reminds me of guys who don't like people touching their cars. I'd encourage all the folks advising the OP to be curt or to ostentatiously rub out the smudge to imagine a guy in a polo shirt wearing Ray-Bans. Perhaps his collar is turned up. Now imagine this man behaving the same way after someone touches the finish on his Corvette. You are the geek equivalent of that guy.

Except Mr. Polo doesn't have to spend ten hours a day staring straight into his car's finish.

I hate when people do this. And I'm surprised by how many people don't understand the problem.

It's not necessary to touch the screen even if you're pointing something. Grab the mouse (or use the touchpad) or just point without touching. Is it so difficult?

It's obviously a habit acquired by interacting with paper and less fragile (and expensive) media. But for me it is a sign of ignorance.

I hate this so much that I avoid to bring my laptop at meetings unless it is strictly necessary.

> Grab the mouse (or use the touchpad) or just point without touching. Is it so difficult?

Point without touching please. I never want to touch someone else's mouse or keyboard. They are among the dirtiest most germ infected places you can find and touching them is bad for both you and the person with the keyboard / mouse / touchpad.

Wow. I must admit that I'm guilty of being a screen-toucher. It's not out of ignorance or disrespect or anything like that; I've been around computers my whole life. I have no idea why I do it, but I've even done it a couple of seconds after someone asked me not to. I don't get annoyed at all at people when they tell me not to, I get embarrassed and sometimes annoyed at myself for having done it (especially if it's repeated).

You should just not have conversations near other people's monitors about what's on their monitors. Ask them to come to your cube, or take a screenshot and circle the spot in question.

OK, at least I know it's not just me, even if it is trivial.

Good points all around. I still think that some things are not for casual touching (camera lenses, laptop screens, TV screens, eyeglasses, mirrors, etc) but I get that the smudges don't bother some people at all, so it's not that they are being rude, just they aren't aligned with my personal peeves.

My laptop is an important personal item, not that it has a pet name, just that it's something I use all day every day and chose carefully. Maybe like a bicycle couriers bike, or something. I make my living with it. Treat it with respect, please.

Anyway, I find the smudges distracting. In the end, that's the thing.

Obviously clients, prospects, and vice presidents get to touch it with impunity. Colleagues with pizza fingers will get cschep's prefix.

Haha, yay! Now I can bring people to this post to show them that I'm not alone.

I agree wholeheartedly, why do they just have to touch our screens?

I'm a direct person so I just say swiftly and quickly "Don't touch my screen."

Well, my girlfriend and co-founder flips out whenever I touch her monitor. I understand where she's coming from, and we're still together, so you can probably get away with warding off your co-workers paws.

This assumes of course that they don't harbor some secret dislike for you, such that your complaints might touch off an avalanche of retribution that leaves you jobless, homeless, and pariahed by society at large.

I remember getting chewed out when I was assisting in some training class for my company and accidentally touched this guy's screen.... I think it's a pretty common gripe and there's nothing inherently wrong with asking them not to do it, but if I were freelancing? I certainly would not be complaining about trivia like this. In social situations, I find it best to be positive, positive, positive!

Well, I would just tell them not to do it, because the screen gets dirty and you have to either clean it all the time, or you can't see anything on it. It's not rude to say something like "Well, I'm sorry, but please, don't touch the screen, it gets dirty, ok?". At least I think so.

Of course this is most likely very depending on the culture and place where do you live.

With thé upcoming generalisation of touch screens it will be difficult people not to touch the screen. On the other hand a pal upgrading from the iPhone 3G to 3GS told me that his preferred feature was the oleophobic screen. So touching other screen may not be an étiquette problem anymore but a normal way of interaction.

I think the problem with telling most people not to touch your screen is that often they don't see an alternative. So I always make sure I have a pen with me. If someone touches my screen, I usually just hand them my pen and say "Here, point with this".

Not only do you avoid the finger-oil issues, but it's also more accurate.

The only proper response is to touch their glasses, leaving an identical smudge there.

Yea everyone loves touching mine too. But since mine is hard, it probably isn't harmful, but it is annoying.

I have the macbook pro with the hard black screen. Though the matte screen might be more of a concern if someone touches it.

It's completely unacceptable to touch someone else's laptop screen without asking.

If somebody actually touches my screen while pointing at it I immediately say "Do not touch the screen!" It appears that people don't perceive it as rude and just continue pointing without touching.

I used to clip a telescoping pointer on the edge of my CRT. Nowadays I just break your finger at the knuckle and say, <Moe>What's the matter with yooouu</Moe>.

My boss used touch my screen with a pencil. He'd actually draw light lines on the screen with the graphite.

I had to buy a box of wet wipes to clear the screen whenever he left my desk.

Drove me nuts.

I threaten them openly. Touch my screen again and I will hurt you. If they repeat the offense I snap them over the fingers.

Worked in every company I was employed...

"can he touch my laptop screen?"

Absolutely. As long as he doesn't mind losing the finger he touched it with.

Of course, I'm assuming you meant with his finger...

I've tried moving my laptop further away from their hand, but that was apparently too subtle. Next time I'll be more vocal about it.

Sometimes if I'm pointing something out I can't help but touch the screen by mistake but I'm always apologetic about it :/

I put a sign on the top of my monitor saying "Don't touch the screen".

And I'd smack people's fingers with my ruler when they did.

Damn fingerprints! :-)

I usually say "Here, you can use the mouse to point at the screen" and then clean the smudge in front of them.

Buy some a soft cloth and some cleaning fluid (that won't dissolve your screen).

Make a big show of cleaning it.

It isn't rude for them to do it until after you tell them not to. So tell them to stop.

Haha! Pisses me off too, just like people that adjust my car stereo!

I say "Don't touch the screen, it easily smudges or gets scratched."

Related but tougher:

s/coworker/other people's kids/

s/laptop screen/your house/

s/coworker's finger/food/

If you don't have the personality to tell them, just print out a small label that says "Please don't touch the screen" and tape it to your laptop.

or "Thank you for not touching the screen"

Or "touch the screen and I'll fscking kill you" ...

“No Smoking. No Spitting. The MGT.”

Achtung! Alle touristen und non-technischen lookenpeepers! Das machine is nicht fur fingerpoken und mittengrabben. Is easy schnappen der springenwerk, blowenfusen und poppencorken mit spitzen sparken. Das machine is diggen by experten only. Is nicht fur gerwerken by das dummkopfen. Das rubbernecken sightseeren keepen das cottenpicken hands in das pockets. Relaxen und watchen das blinkenlights.

    Don't touch my screen. Yes I'm serious. Go clean it up. Now.

I use this method and it helps me avoid building up resentment towards people.

Create a funny web page and have it bookmarked on your browser.

Whenever someone approaches you, quickly switch to that web page.

donttouchmyfuckingscreenorillkillyou.com is available.

This bookmarklet may help:

  javascript:document.write("<h1 style='font-size:10em'>Don't touch my screen!</h1>")

Also this one (Firefox only)

  javascript:(function (){document.querySelector("body").style.MozTransform="rotate(180deg)";})()

That isn't fucking acceptable, invite the douche bag to clean your screen for you the next time he does that.

Only if he buys you dinner first

I told you homeboy U can't touch this

(...)

Look in my eyes, man U can't touch this

"Oh, you like the screen, apparently if you clean it with urea it stays brighter [hushed tone] I know a cheap source, I manufacture my own [looks down momentarily],[returning to conversation] now where were we ..."

Yeah, this makes me crazy, especially since it always seems to be the clueless project managers who touch my screen.

Personally, I have long arms, big hands, and terrible close-up vision, so I approach other people's monitors very slowly, with the back of my pinkie, and really do my best not to touch the part of the computer that isn't supposed to be touched. Anything else is just rude; you are sticking your finger into the retina of the person who owns the machine.

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