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Comment by cognivore | Hacker News Reader

>> As a dad with young kids, I can assure you that if this were to happen to them, I'd wage all-out cyberwar, on the kids and any parents that didn't properly curtail their child's behavior after official notifications. <<

Uh, cyberwar? No. This happened once to my one of my sons. I found out who the parents where (divorced, different locations) drove to both their houses, and said, "If your kid doesn't stop today, you, your kid and your family, are not safe outside this door. I never said this." I put on my best pycho face. Truly, I was psycho, so it didn't take much.

It stopped.

I was the target of intense intense bullying as a kid. Affected me my whole life until my 30's. No kids of mine was going through that.

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Good for you. I hate bullies. I heard this story once about my mother-in-law's tailor / dry cleaner. He'd moved to upstate NY from Italy. His kid was being physically bullied on his way home from school. One day, the guy hid in the bushes and jumped out at the bullies with a kitchen knife and told them "If you toucha my kid again, I'll fuckin kill you."

Nobody should have to put up with bullying. When it's this social kind on the Internet, I think in many ways it is worse because it's less clear how to defend yourself.

>> I found out who the parents where (divorced, different locations) drove to both their houses, and said, "If your kid doesn't stop today, you, your kid and your family, are not safe outside this door. I never said this." I put on my best pycho face. Truly, I was psycho, so it didn't take much.

This was one great way to deal with it. Though I can't stop thinking about the legal issues this could've caused.

Bullying in school by kids is one thing but going out there and threatning someone is completely another ball.

What if they had recorded it somehow and complained?

I say this as someone who's in early twenties and have dealt with bullying in school for 4-5 years.

>> What if they had recorded it somehow and complained? <<

I couldn't imagine someone being ready to record a conversation in the first 15 second of them opening their front door.

It's a matter of judgement, to be sure. I have a spotless police record. Both of these parents do not (and the father's was violent in nature). As another replier here noted "restraining order." I would have enjoyed a legal battle with these parents, as they have not near the resources to draw on as I. I also had evidence against their child in the form of notes and drawing that were violent and threatening in nature.

If that had of been some other type of parent, I'd maybe had done it differently. But with these people, that's what worked.

Kudos to you. This comment clears the picture and paints it more as "well thought" rather than brash action feeling reflected in parent.

I will note this down and will remember for the time when I am a parent.

Edit: Grammar.

Thank you for the reconsideration. I've never actually been in a fight in my entire life (probably why I got bullied so much) and it took every last ounce of my self control to walk up to someone who had already had a history of violence. It's just bad all the way the 'roud.

Lots of people today have cameras recording what happens at their front door.

> with these people, that's what worked

And this is a very important point - there isn't a magical cure-all solution to these things. You have to consider what approach works not only for you, but also what works on the people you need to reach. People really are diverse enough that the approach you took, while one that some could consider ill-advised, was the actual right way to communicate with the other party in your situation.

Hello, restraining order.

Seriously, there are good ways to deal with situations like this. Threatening people is not one of those ways.

>> Hello, restraining order. <<

Okay, I'll call that. Have you tried to get a restraining order? Do you know what's involved?

I've tried: Here's what you get:

What proof do you have? What is your relationship to that person? They deny it, how do you respond? More bullying, because they know you tried to go through the system, which favors the aggressor because authorities are too busy putting pot smokers behind bars.

You're not getting the point:

a) A whole lot of people have been figuratively buried clutching a piece of paper with the title "Restraining Order".

b) cognivore, who knows what he's talking about, was not the harasser. He would have absolutely no intention of violating a restraining order, unless his threat failed, in which case he'd violate it once, but for much, much higher stakes.

Your final statement needs some support, and I don't see any in this topic.

I think the first step should be reasonable discourse with the bullies parents, not threatening them. But I also think that threatening people can be a good solution. In the past I was involved in a situation where the law just couldn't really do anything until it was probably too late. A simple quick threat later, and the problem went away. I'm not saying I'm proud of it, or that I prefer it as a solution, but we're still animals, and we respond to threats.

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