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Or, we could take the entirely reasonable step of declaring ISPs to be the common carriers that they obviously are.

That just changes the question from "why should we regulate ISPs" to "why should we regulate common carriers".

Fortunately we already have many decades of detailed legal answers to the latter question.

It's not a legal question, so the legal answers are not relevant. We know that it is legal to do so, that doesn't mean we should.