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Comment by kriptonic | Hacker News Reader

Hello.

You make a lot of assumptions about me.

I'm not trying to whine, I saw a problem and I'm asking for help fixing that problem in return for my time and money. Also, I have a job.

Me and my girlfriend have a great relationship and I do everything I can to make sure she's happy.

I have a lot more than $5000 to show for it. That's is just what I have for a side project.

I don't fail at everything. I'm only 23, and I think I've achieved quite a lot for my age. I wouldn't say all of my ideas have failed, but I aim high and I feel like I'm failing overall.

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> I do everything I can to make sure she's happy.

What do you do to make sure you're happy? No one wants to hang around with, invest in or buy something from someone who isn't happy.

Find yourself first. Everything else will fall into place. I'm not saying you need to break it off, but put yourself on equal ground and see what happens. You'll learn a lot about yourself and her.

Personal stuff aside, heed the advice of so many others: Get a job, be great at it. Take every opportunity to learn and think of new ideas, new ways to create value and grow.

"I do everything I can to make sure she's happy."

That's the wrong way around. Do everything to make sure you are happy, with or without her. It's up to her if she wants to be happy with you.

What you want is an equilibrium situation where both are happy.

Wow, maybe if you're in it for the short term, but if you want a long term relationship or marriage, that "make, sure I'm happy" mantra sure ain't going to work.

Imagine if we had that attitude with our children? Or mother?

If you're not happy, whatever you do, your unhappiness will be contagious, and people close to you will catch it too. Have you ever talked to someone unhappy pretending everything is fine, and how comfortable were you in talking about happy topics about you to said person, and were you tempted to ask the other person what's bothering them?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emotional_contagion

Therefore, for others to be happy, you must be happy first. You cannot rely on other's happiness to lift you up and IMHO you should not let your own unhappiness fester and drag everyone around you down.

Imagine a child, whose parents come home in a bad mood everyday, though they do everything to make the child happy except changing their own mood, will the child grow up as a well-rounded individual?

Eh, your above comment was still pretty misguided:

> That's the wrong way around. Do everything to make sure you are happy, with or without her. It's up to her if she wants to be happy with you.

...though you're pulling in the right direction here.

It's not either/or; you & your partner have to take care of yourselves, in the context of taking care of your entire family unit. I've been married for 14 years and have 2 kids. If I ignore the balance and either forget to suss out (and attend to) the needs of my partner & kids, or if I try to "do what they want" with no attention to my own needs, it goes poorly for us all. My wife has to do the same thing.

There's work and short-term sacrifice involved; sometimes I do things I wouldn't do, on my own, because I have longer-term goals in mind that rely on my relationships w/ wife & daughters.

But the same applies to us all, and this is something we discuss with our kids all the time -- e.g., "sure, I could clean up all this stuff myself, but I'm probably going to be cranky about it, and we'll have less time to read together this afternoon...".

The truth is that overwhelming majority of businesses fail. Entrepreneurs are not usually excited to brag about their failures publicly so we mostly see the hopeful beginning of all these ventures and not the sad, quiet ending. Though you do get occasional post-mortem stories here on HN (which I think are nice for balance) it is easy to forget about those and get a false impression that you are failing and everybody else is constantly succeeding. If you measure your own experiences against it you can wind up feeling stressed and depressed.

If you do think that the entrepreneurial spirit is something that is burning inside you, and not just peer pressure (of sorts) then I would say, just keep dreaming, keep working and don't dwell on failed projects. Find a personal itch that you would like to scratch. Good luck to you!

Man, the HN crowd is always rough but I agree with the whole "look for a job" advice. Maybe just for a little while; it's not that bad, haha. You're only 23 so you have a lot of time to figure things out. Plus, you'll learn a lot from mentors there too.

Hope it works out for you :)

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