The way I do it is try to envision the dumbest, most impatient, penny-pinching DICK HEAD out there possible, and make him happy.

Any of the following statements destroy customer experience: - "The customer should understand that at this point..." - "The customer already did X, so its clear that Y..." - "Waiting 20 seconds isn't that unreasonable." - "Its in the terms and conditions so we are covered." - "What do they expect? We can't message that perfectly every time."

Don't. Fucking. Compromise. Make the ass holes happy. You will have surpassed everyone else's expectations by miles.