Don't get whole life - it's generally a rip off
Yes, if purchased from a non-mutual, financially shaky insurance company, it's quite likely a bad idea.
However, when purchased from a financially strong mutual insurance company (Northwestern Mutual, Guardian Life, etc.), it can make a great complement to term life insurance (and can be beneficial to the overall financial plan for a number of reasons).
One wouldn't want to "fully" insure themselves with whole life (that'd be cost prohibitive and inappropriate from an asset allocation perspective), but again, as a small piece it can make a lot of sense.
Anyway, didn't mean to detract from your overall points. It's hard to put a specific number on peoples' insurance needs without knowing their situation, but the spirit of your points was spot on. Especially about "own occupation" disability coverage - which I think is especially relevant for programmers.
TL;DR on insurance: Talk to a professional that you trust, figure out what amount of protection makes sense, and get protected. Term life insurance is an affordable way to get a lot of financial protection for your family. Your ability to earn an income is perhaps your greatest financial asset (edit: assuming you have many working years ahead of you), so treat it as such. Think about protecting it with disability income insurance.
I'm heartbroken every time I read one of these deeply personal stories. The situation is already stressful enough - one shouldn't have to worry about how the family will keep the lights on.
[Source: I once worked in financial services]