It is sad that we all think we are entitled to a piece of the earth for eternity. Not only is it a huge waste of money but a huge waste of land. If everyone who ever lived had a marked grave reserved for them forever, there would be no land left for the people who are living right now.
It is the ultimate sense of entitlement.
By the way caskets cost like 5 grand or something too. I was there when we were picking one out for my grandma I think that was the price of hers and it was on the cheaper side. My grandma pre bought her plot, but it still cost 10 grand to do a funeral that really wasn't elaborate or anything, mainly the basic stuff. If it were up to just me, things would have been different.
I live next to a graveyard - the stones often are so decayed after 100 years as to be unreadable. Graves get reused eventually or the graveyard gets reused as a whole (at least that's how things have happened in my country thusfar).
Funny half the people ITT seem to be saying we've got loads of resources.
Also FWIW a graveyard isn't wasted space - it's basically a park with memorial stones. People use it to walk, jog; it's a good space for wildlife, trees prosper.
I get that he wants to take care of his finances and spend time with his family. But everything that he listed can be done for 1/5th of the cost. Get cremated, travel by bus, put everybody up in a 1 bed motel room, etc.
I grew up poor. Really poor. My friends in the neighborhood had to live without electricity some times because they got shut off because their parents couldn't pay the bill. I thought we were pretty well off because we could afford a car and we could afford to keep the lights on. I thought of a car (any car) as a big luxury item when I was a kid because so many families around me couldn't afford one. I realize now we were also very poor, just not as poor as some of my peers. I believe because of that experience I have a much different outlook on what is actually needed and what one can live like happily if you get out of a certain mindset.
When I see people begging for "donations" to pay off their 19,000 car loan, I am very put off. He could sell his van and buy an older (but still nice) van and save thousands. Ever single financial blog will tell you the first thing you do to save money is downgrade your car. Of course instead of going without or making sacrifices he needs to ask other people for money. He already has a lot more than most of the kids I grew up with will ever have and yet none of us felt entitled enough to beg. I drove a beat up car that was 13 when I retired it for years when I could technically afford a newer one. Why? I'd rather spend that money on life experiences, weekend trips, and visiting friends and family. When I bought a new(er) car (1 year old with 30,000 miles) I was able to pay cash for it freeing me of having a car payment. It is insane that "car payment" is part of our lexicon, especially for someone claiming to have money problems. You can do a real lot without a car payment.
Look up any research on happiness. That van doesn't make you happy, in fact it does the opposite. What makes us happy is not the items in our life but the life experiences we have. When you are sacrificing life experiences for a van you're doing it wrong. He clearly owns a van he can't afford.
As I said before, nobody needs to spend even close to 10K on a funeral. That's a big luxury item.
I currently have two hard working friends with two children who are struggling to make ends meet and making actual real sacrifices (like Internet). Their kids will never have half of what this guy "needs."
I remember going on a trip where we stayed in a cabin at a campsite because it was cheaper, and we packed a cooler full of food for the duration of the trip so we didn't have to spend money on eating out. This trip was a good time for very cheap. They also have all included bus tours/trips which are cheap, I went on a couple of them as a kid too.
Funny thing is my parents are no longer poor. My mom worked a civil service job so she was able to eventually move up to a better paying job and get a pension at retirement. She is now retired.
I think the mortgage is about reasonable though, that doesn't seem too excessive. Expensive but not overly so.
I do feel sad he is dying at 35 and his family has to live without him. However, his sense of entitlement puts me off completely. I thought this was going to be an interesting article not some self entitled guy begging for money.
Boy we are really dialing it up to 11 in this thread.
I don't know what branch of psychology castigating people that have more than you falls under, though.
My point was he's putting material objects before time with his family.
I've worked my ass of to get where I am and while you may find our expenses excessive I would point out that they are what meet our needs and keeps us financially secure. Do I like asking for help? Hell no. As a matter of fact, this has been one of the hardest parts of this whole process. As I've been forced to accept that I will die and will likely leave my wife with debts that cannot be repaid I have to consider what will really happen. Without a home, she moves in with her parents. This isn't a bad scenario but it's also not the best scenario. Without the van, she has no way to provide for the basic needs of our children like taking them to the doctor. Note, her parents live in the boonies, there is no public transportation. The cost of a funeral? Have you priced these recently? They aren't cheap no matter how you look at it. And there are far more decisions that go into this than how cheap it is. This has long-lasting emotional impact on my wife, my kids, my mother, my grandmother and a host of other relatives. I can only hope you have people in your life who you care about enough to actually think before you act in the event of your death.
And the moment you begin to think you know anything about how anyone grew up or how hard they've worked to get where they are or how happy they are, you need to stop and rethink your own priorities and happiness. This isn't about things or happiness, this is about security and easing the pain of my death. Memories will make them happier than anything else I can do and we have memories in this house and in that van. And the moment you think I have a sense of entitlement is the moment you need to go down to the nearest shelter and volunteer. You'll soon discover just how entitled you think you are and realize just how wrong you are.
May you find peace and experience true humility before it's too late.
Yes, I have. We spent 10 grand on my grandmas funeral and she had per bought her plot. Still a luxury item. If it were my choice I would never do that, but it wasn't my choice. Nobody needs an expensive funeral, come on. Wedding and funerals are now overrun by their respective industries trying to sell sell sell. Inventing new things you "need."
See these for more:
http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/525561.The_American_Way_o...
http://funeral-tips.com/how-to-plan-an-affordable-funeral-2/
>Without a home, she moves in with her parents.
Or you know, rent.
>Without the van, she has no way to provide for the basic needs of our children like taking them to the doctor.
You don't need a $20,000 van to take your kids to the doctor, you can do it in a $10,000 van. You however don't want to downgrade. My point was you're putting the expensive van (which requires a car payment) over spending your money on experiences with your wife and children.
>need to go down to the nearest shelter and volunteer
I do my volunteer work, though not at a homeless shelter. I also donate lots of toiletries to our local homeless shelter on a regular basis. In my adult life I've also been around, befriended, and talked to many many homeless people and people with significant health problems due to the places I've been.
>I can only hope you have people in your life who you care about enough to actually think before you act in the event of your death.
I made my wishes very very clear. I would like to be cremated as soon as possible. No embalming. I don't want onlookers gawking at my dead body and no stupid funeral home upgrades. I've said it here in this comment: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=7391663 I think my friends and family should then throw a party honoring my life if they choose to.
I did something similar with my wedding and stayed out of the wedding industry almost completely. I had an out of touch friend say "You have to spend over $20,000 on a wedding and I was getting the base packages!" um... no... If you stop with the consumerism then you realize that isn't the case at all.
A family friend died while his kids were out of the country. They cremated him right away and waited for the kids to get back to have an event to celebrate his life. It was in a park and it was a wonderful tribute.
>this is about security and easing the pain of my death
Cutting back your lifestyle will provide much more financial security now and in the future.
>we have memories in this house and in that van
They are just things. Objects. Stuff.
Cheap cremation or donating my body to a medical school (there's one at the U across the lake). I'd much rather not give money to some funeral parlour shyster -- one of my uncles ran one of those things, and while I like to think he was one of the honest ones, that industry is all about taking advantage of vulnerable people, worse than being in used car / camel / spacecraft sales.
My wife had her father's body donated to science. It cost $200, and several months later she got an urn of her father's ashes by mail.
We then rented a boat and spread his ashes in his favorite harbor. It turned out to be a solemn and yet mildly joyful occasion as each person talked about fond memories and spread some ashes in the water.
I want students to cut my corpse up and learn things. I want my body to contribute to society for a little while longer after I am gone.
I have told my children that if I should lose this fight that there will not be a funeral, there will be a party, a celebration with music and cake and ice cream and friends and family and dancing and laughing and singing.
$20k actually sounds low to me, last time I looked into a burial situation.
For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul? Mark 8:36 KJV.
Jonathan, you and your family must look to the Lord Jesus Christ. He is your judge. Through Him all things are possible.
The list seems material because he is worried about his family. They need to eat and they need a roof over their head. We are all a bit material. I notice you are using hacker news which suggests you must have some kind of an income and access to technology. He is dying. He is worried. Would you not feel the same?
How about, instead of quoting bible bullshit to help you not so silently judge a man with cancer, you shut the heck up and donate a tiny bit to the man so he can live the rest of his days with that much less worry?
Jonathan : Find solace where you can. My heart goes out to you.
Don't try to talk to me about God until you've taken the time to actually read and understand who it is you're talking to and what it is you're saying.