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Comment by paulbaumgart | Hacker News Reader

This is one of two common intro styles I've seen: "pessimistic" introducing instead of "optimistic." I've found the former to be more prevalent among technical types and the latter among salesy types. I suspect it's related to the standard quality vs. quantity trade off.

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i wouldn't call it "pessimistic" at all. i think of it as respectful or not, that's it. someone who thinks i have all the time in the world to help everyone else, no matter my job or personal requirements, is simply not thinking about my time. i love helping others out, but i don't think it's right to burden another person with your favor (yes, i said burden - even if i want to help someone, it's still a burden as it has impact on my schedule, typically negative - doesn't mean i don't want to do it, but it should still be considered that way...

I think "pessimistic / optimistic" was meant in the computing sense, rather than the colloquial. But I completely agree that double opt-in is the way to go - if the person you're asking feels burdened by the double opt-in, they can just tell you to do a direct intro in the future.

gotcha - thanks for clarifying!!

I understand how you perceive it as a burden, but optimistic introducers tend to see them as opportunities instead.

I'm not saying you're wrong or that one is better than the other (presumably it depends on context). I'm just exploring the different styles to understand them better.

Edit: I do disagree with your framing of respectful vs. disrespectful in the general case. With engineers specifically, it is probably true, though, and a good rule of thumb to apply.

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