I am not an introvert. I am just busy
blog.tabini.ca
blog.tabini.ca
I'm a shy introvert, but I see this fellow's problem a mile away: he needs to get better at saying no to people. Sure it's important to be present for social functions, and there's an art to "making an appearance" that is just part of playing the game. But if you're consciously aware that you should be somewhere else... GO.
A room full of tech geeks will get this. Actually, they most likely won't notice that you're leaving. That particular neurosis is rooted in ego: part of you wants someone to notice that you're missing, so that you can be not just doing something important but be a hero about it.
Deep down, we're all frequently irrational in similar ways.
"I don't want to be alone, but I want to be left alone." - Stephen Fry
And no, spending more time solving the bug instead of attending social events isn't the cure either. You need to physically remove yourself from a problem if you want a fresh perspective. Go sleep, hang out, eat something, get back. There are very few problems that I haven't solved in a career full of challenges and this one will not be any different, I just need to respect the mechanics of coming up with a solution.
I did suggest that the author should take a walk to clear his mind, and not attempt to zen out at a social gathering. I also suggested that the author shouldn't go to social gatherings that he doesn't want to be at.
Learning to say no without anxiety is a super power.
Also, social events and casual conversation is a great way to be social and engage in conversation while excising rubber duck debugging. So long as you make it entertaining for the other party, it's fun... explaining how stuff works for people who are curious is usually fun for both parties.
It's different strokes for different folks for sure, but don't limit your stroke options... and try not to get shampoo in your keyboard.
http://www.cnn.com/2009/HEALTH/04/22/chewing.gum.benefits/in...
1. People who get migraines are probably chewing too much gum (that is, chewing too much in general.)
2. There's a sharp increase in dementia when people lose their teeth, and this is likely because they aren't chewing enough.
Neither of these were particularly strong studies (the first of the two only had a sample-size of 30, if I recall) but they do support one-another on a general hypothesis: chewing plays a large and necessary part in oxygenating your brain.
Going to the social gathering wasn't the problem. The problem was him excusing himself from that social gathering.
In fact, going to the social gathering was the solution. He is an extrovert, who had been trying to solve a problem alone for two weeks. Being an extrovert, going to a place where there is a lot of people is gonna do a lot more than going for a walk alone.
What gets me is this piece comes across as very defensive. Why deride the man missing his elevator when he's on his phone (maybe he's not in the moment because he too is working on a problem) ? Why deride a hoodie at an office party? Why deride Dan for having a different social pattern than you ("Talks too much") especially when it's in line with his career?
Because he's human and he thinks like that and the article isn't self-censoring to appeal to everyone?
For me personally, quiet walk probably won't cut it, because I'd still be focusing on that same solution that failed. But switching my mind completely often helps me to stumble upon a fresh way to solve my problem that will likely work.
=> Besides the ego, there's also a cultural component. My Finnish friends tend to excel at leaving without saying goodbye or hugging, not because they have weaker ego but because that's a part of their culture. That said, in my culture (South Korea), your saying nothing when leaving will immediately strike people as socially incorrect or weird to say the least.
As for the cultural differences regarding the ritual of leaving a social event, I really enjoy hearing about how things happen in other places. I would have had no idea.
That said, I get the sense that the author is either in Canada (.ca domain) or California, where people leave parties without ceremony all of the time. It would actually be far stranger to make a big deal of your departure.
But now that I'm reading about Korean culture on this post, I think this may have been an extremely isolated incident. I don't know what was different about the event I went to however. Could it have been somewhat Americanized? Or maybe an extreme emergency situation where the person had to leave immediately?
You can't help where inspiration hits you, it can be anywhere but you don't need to drop everything when that happens.
Delay the gratification you seek by solving the problem.
Get a notepad write it down and continue enjoying the social event you can fix the damn thing when you get into the office tomorrow.
Then again most of us don't care much for social stuff i personally like playing that game too.
Being social is a skill like any other and it's very useful one to have. Gets you what you want a lot faster.
Deep down, we all have our little temples.
"If Archimedes went looking for a towel first, you'd have never had a submarine" - qvikr
I didn't say that he should have gone back to work, just that he shouldn't go to social events he's not feeling like attending. I suggested that a long walk would do wonders for unblocking his problem.
Smiling continuously and nodding away into the distance usually works for me.
I'm even sorrier your comment is in the top place. This is why we can't have nice things.
For what it's worth, I didn't say what I said casually. I've worked through similar issues with a coach over the past few years and being honest with myself about the real motivations behind things has been a profoundly useful experience.
I hope we can talk about this in person together some day. I feel like you've got me all wrong, and the fault lies in my inability to convey my empathy for the author through my words alone.
The problem is that the author has an extremely condescending attitude and the article reflect this.
The irony in that is that the he's spitting in the dish he eats from - one doesn't need to go at a party where you consider all the people as annoying, imbecile, or a combination of both.
With this context in mind, the article looks like more a self-righteous piece engineered to appeal the technical-minded people, just because it has a technical theme.
I would rather call the article "I'm not an introvert. I'm just a misplaced snob".
-Audrey Hepburn
I have no idea about this quote in particular, though; it seems like a job for http://quoteinvestigator.com.
Almost just as much, I love the comments here - they're just so incorrigibly HN. Not everything is a problem that should be taken literally, dissected, and solved. The story is not the author asking for help with enjoying parties, relating to others, or troubleshooting bugs. It's a beautiful example of an internal monologue that shows not only how people approach social situations differently, but to what extent they think differently. I'm not sure the author needs any of the pseudo-analysis being offered to him (however well-meaning it is) - the writing suggests a lot more awareness of his perspective and that of the people around him than most of the comments rushing in with the most literal interpretation.
Either way, great piece of writing that seems to hold a mirror up to the reader more than anything - it clearly strikes a chord but each reader appears to be taking away something different.
A friend works in an office where headphones are even banned because they create too much of a barrier to talk to a co-worker. I'd go absolutely crazy there in less than a week.
Any hacker can write code while in a closed office, wearing headphones, shut off from the world. Great hackers can write code while E-mails come in, people drop by with questions, Julie over in BizDev is yacking on the phone with some vendor, and the PM is asking if you've filled out your TPS report this week.
Though even though it might something that great programmers can do, they might be even more effective if they get to remove some of those distractions.
It's like leaving your door halfway open to signal that someone can come in if they want. I might not mind having a visit, but I might mind hearing all the noise, or curious looks from people passing by through the corridor. Hence the 'busy' sign to hang on the doorknob, when needed.
But there aren't any shortcuts, and the janitor is not at your beck and call.
—Richard Hamming http://www.cs.virginia.edu/~robins/YouAndYourResearch.html
Les choses sont contre nous.
—
Good to see that the french are still putting the work in.
EDIT: it's from the 60s and written by an englishman. now it all makes sense. oh well. and I've just realised what "jean-marie ventre" is about. now I feel a fool.
At which point it's time for me to go take a break, talk to other people, have a cup of tea. Then come back - take a brief look at the original problem - and then, if nothing occurs, to work on a related problem before coming back to it and seeing if I can make any more progress.
Maybe it's just me, but protracted work on something I don't feel I'm making progress on seems to stop me thinking.
I can enjoy myself at a party, whether I'm a wallflower or not, but after prolonged socializing I need to spend some time alone.
Please do not mistake introversion for social anxiety.
Introvert/Extrovert describes how social intelligence relates to energy increase and decrease. Introverts are more rapidly exhausted in using their social intelligence, whereas extroverts are more rapidly refreshed when deploying their social intelligence. The "way we feel" about social encounters is a symptom of (and thus a correlation with) the rise and fall of energy as we are part of the scene — where typically when we are losing energy, we're less inclined to view the situation positively (social anxiety then is engendered), largely do to our own lack of introspection and the effects of our poor participation/adjustment.
It's more costly for introverts to engage socially, and so the rewards (take aways) are strictly only harder to perceive.
—
[0]: http://www.ted.com/talks/susan_cain_the_power_of_introverts
My problem with this story is that it makes it sounds like it's Dan's fault for walking up to the author at a party/social event. We've all been there -- an all-consuming problem or an unexpected moment of clarity. Or maybe you realize something that puts you into a sour mood. We can't expect those around us to be mind readers.
When I'm working on something and I just can't figure it out, I take my dog for a walk and hold some ridiculous one-way conversation with him. Yeah I know I must look like a manic talking to an eight pound pomeranian, but the point is to put your mind completely somewhere else. It's amazing how the solution just appears when your mind isn't engulfed in the problem.
Edit: I misread the comment. Thought you were explaining the problem to your dog. I'm wrong. Different thing. :)
Still, your way also works astonishingly well, too.
If the solution for a complicated problem comes to you this way, you have managed to see dozens of moving parts at just the right time, from just the right angle, in your mind. It is incredibly hard to hold on to that, and writing it out in notes takes several pages.
When that solution comes to you, you cling on to it for dear life until you can put it into a form that works - several pages of notes, a test proving your point, a large diagram. Whatever it is. None of those answers can be captured with a phone app.
The point is, words might not be the best way to capture your insight. You have _something_ in your mind, and it doesn't always translate into few words. To quote Blaise Pascal: "I have only made this letter longer because I have not had the time to make it shorter."
>He wasn’t paying attention. He missed the elevator.
>I bet you that’s exactly what happens in my code. If the remote end hangs up while I’m waiting for my authentication tokens, my app won’t notice, error out, and leak the socket.
You should be able to capture that thought in a few words. That will let you get back in the moment when you need to while also allowing you to fully engage with the people talking to you at the party.
Just wikipedia it: Introversion is "the state of or tendency toward being wholly or predominantly concerned with and interested in one's own mental life". That exactly describes the behaviour you're relating. Now, being an introvert isn't a problem, but that title tells me that you're no so much concerned about introversion being a problem, as you are about grandstanding and making your "busyness" mark you as important somehow.
I for one think I did never fit into one or the other category, I'm an extrovert sometimes, and introvert at some other times.
One thing is certain is, when I'm problem solving, I don't want to talk to people, because I need to preserve the mental state of my reflexion. And it is very annoying to have to justify that all the time at work.
So for me, wether the author is really an introvert or not in the grand scheme of things is not important. What is important is that a lot of people don't feel like talking when they do this kind of jobs, and for a very good reason.
One of my favourite things to do is simply sit and stare out the window, or sit on the stairs but I'm always thinking about something. Always inventing something in my mind or doing some gedanken or other.
I wish this had been recognised as indicative of internal complex state rather than laziness and vacuity and then I might have been encouraged towards developing those thoughts properly.
... but then I'm prone to blame external forces for my failings.
Agreed. Instead of being encouraged to following our own path and letting our creativity flourish, we've been beaten down for the sake of fitting in.
aStimulus is often a good thing. I've actually found watching a lot of unrelated everyday interactions helps with designing systems.
Introverts are powered by self-reflection and alone time spent understanding the things they love. Extroverts are powered by spending time with other people and reflecting on what they love. Most of us are a linear combination of the two. I'm about a 0.6i + a 0.4e (factors subject to change; some amazing people's factors add up to 1.0; warranty void where prohibited).
Introversion and extroversion aren't necessarily a dichotomy and aren't anything to apologize for. We partake of these modes of socialite as life permits. If you're binary on the scale, great - that helps other people understand you. If you're analog on the scale, great, you can help others understand you where you are currently.
I'm actually kind of worried that the impact of having other people around will significantly limit my productivity. The few times I have gone to a remote office to do some work, I really suffered with the open plan situation.
I have to make a conscious effort not to be gruff and terse with my SO when he breaks my concentration, and I outright love him. I have to remind myself that other people aren't able to perceive what is going on in the virtual world.
Maybe it will work out fine, but in all honesty having to commute and be somewhere every day at a certain(ish) time is probably what's going to kill the experiment for me, not the other people.
If this piece is this guy's inner monologue, he's an introvert. If he's incessantly focused on _things_, and people seem to be a distraction from that thing, that's a pretty big indicator of an introverted personality.
Extroverts can't _help_ but think about connecting with people. They thrive on it. They're people people.
[edit] I'm taking the stance that there was a good reason for his going. Otherwise the question is just "why did he go?"[/edit]
Why wasn't he in the moment at the party? I suppose there's several reasons. I'm going to assume he was having a great time, someone that he was talking to left and then he wandered back into thought rather than going off to talk to someone else. That's fine, whatever. So, now I wonder where I'm supposed to go from here with this piece. The thing is this can't be about are getting flustered at people for interrupting your thought. It doesn't look like it. Therefore, I'm going to assume it's something like I'm doing right now: stream of consciousness. If that's the case, then, neat! I've been there! Very cool. Sorry it got awkward for you there. The other guy is a CEO, he understands being in thought all the time. "Just one sec, I gotta write this down" and then scribbling a bunch of notes wouldn't be too offensive to a man in charge of a whole company. He's done it plenty of times, and those ideas come at any random moment. I wouldn't be offended by a brief scribble before some proper salutations. After all, that CEO has now been given your undivided attention after about 5 seconds of scribbling (presuming you can write something short down that can be used to jog your memory). People like undivided attention. Makes them feel important, be they your boss, co-worker, friend, spouse or child.
Now, what is this story being used for. "I am not an introvert. I am just busy." No, you're not busy. Or, at least, your busy-ness shouldn't be with work things right now. You're at a party and should be in party mode with your friends. It's kinda like a father going home and saying he's going to spend time with his children, only to completely space out when he's playing catch. His mind should have been on his children. Your time is with your friends, there. Not giving them your attention is rude to them. "I am not socially awkward / going through the motions. I had a sudden thought I need to write down 'real quick" but that wouldn't be as catchy of a title.
There's those little notebooks that fit in front pockets that people buy and carry around. Maybe this is what those are for; or, as someone else in this thread pointed out, that's what the 'notes' app on your phone is for. I'd honestly not considered that is a reason, or if I have, I just re-realized that's what they can be for. Anyway,
We can take this to some other situations where it wouldn't be acceptable to be sucked into this train of thought: a meeting about a different feature at the job you're working at. They want you present on their tasks, too.
Live in the moment, be that completely absorbed in your current work task, or hanging out with your friends, laughing about stupid things, or hearing a friend talk about his story.
What i feel is that after grinding on a problem for a while we get tunnel vision, the only way out of that, for me, is to turn off and go do something else.
Amazing how much bike-shedding is going on here.
Or perhaps not.
Sometimes it just needs to work.
Along with what I would imagine is a sizable chunk of the best writers. Writing is rarely a social activity.
It still amazes me that people on this board stick to their (hero) introvert/extravert dichotomy instead of actually researching the subject which you would expect engineers and techies to have an inkling to do. Search words, MBTI, Keyser, Jung, Big Five.
It is a theory that many people are finding works and confirms their real life experience, short story if it quacks like a duck and if it looks like a duck. But you are ofcause allowed to continue thinking the earth it flat until you are shown prober proof for something else.
What I want to know is: did your inspiration help fix the bug?
At the end of it, he recalled the interesting ID that she originally queried about, as they conversed, told her, then as she passed on to her next endeavor, her closing comment was, "Now let me try to remember that number all the way back to my desk."
Now granted, this is just an ID — not a bug, an "idea" or something embedded in some complicated (dis)array of logic — but she engaged the person whom she asked, and through human interaction and grace, the two pulled out an answer together. Then she took it in strides that memory is up to her.
I remember when I used to be more like her — and less like this antihuman, perpetually brooding, code-distressed, oh-can-you-leave-me-to-my-precious-mind sob-story archetype that you rage-hackers (again perpetually) perpetuate.
Why do we romanticize this? It's becoming obnoxious — the glorification of obnoxiousness. Your mind is your garden, and no one owes you peace of mind. And if people wish to browse your garden, you should be absolutely fucking thrilled.
Why are you propping up and romanticizing this "do no enter" sign at the entrance of your gardens?
You know — there's a Java dev here that often times will start off an interruption with, "How can I provide you with outstanding customer service today?"
How about this? Forget your "engineer" metaphor. Forget your "prodigious self-torment". If you want to fold to the Machines — that's YOUR M.O. Stop sharing with piss about it. Stop whining. Our job has one distinct role, and that's to protect EACH OTHER from this massively complicated world of machines. Do your goddamn fellow human a favor, and pay more attention to HUMANS than you do machines.
Maybe your life will be filled with more spontaneity, warmth, and gifts — because all a fucking computer is going to give you is rules. One key subcomponent of our job as developers, programmers, etc. is Customer Service and that's because humans first.
Why else is "human-readable" a thing?
(Sincerely agreed.)
this is so, so true.
We're always trying to make computers more human, so why do we make ourselves more like machines?