As far as I can tell: He is extremely easily amused and has a terrible case of urinary incontinence. The former will heal with age, but the latter will get worse.

Microsoft Office was pretty much was computers were to most people, and they came off (Bill Gates personally, ‘computer-savvy‘ managers in general and meetings involving PowerPoint in particular) as… no really inspiring. ‘Office life’ was an oximoron -- the title of the show “The Office” didn’t make sense. It was dredge reports, inexplicably weird titles, erratic page numbers, section numbers and inserted images on crack, illegible bar-charts because color-copies where too expensive, and tweaking with margins that sent the key information outside of your fax borders.

Apple played on that angle a lot. They were the computer for the cool kids who made music, took wowing photos, edited gorgeous books, and gave snappy presentations. Things clicked. They had the cool typeface, always, without even pointing at it. They even knew those were not called ‘fonts’. They made computers you actually wanted to spend time with, not be paid to be next too.

Not sure why OC is pissing: either at the office gimmicky memories, or how Apple’s angle seems dated now. But, at the time, that was compelling.

If MS Office is a suite of programs that you use in the office, iLife would be "for the rest of your life" = free time, that is, Photos, Music (Listening + Arranging), and more(?)

Sounds like a pretty accurate description of hell to me.