Talk About An Unprofessional LinkedIn Response
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If she had stopped at "Your invite to connect is inappropriate, beneficial only to you, and tacky" we wouldn't have even known about it. While that would have been a brusque response, it was still correct.
I hate cold calls, because every single one (for me) involves somebody trying to get something out of me without anything substantive in return. My experience may be atypical, and I acknowledge that not every cold call is like that.
But this one reeks of "let me try to leech onto your network". The 20-something got backhanded, and has run crying to the social mob so that that mean, mean lady will get punished.
Both parties could have handled this better. Unfortunately, the instigator of this whole affair has simply been rewarded for her clumsy and clueless actions by a) getting attention and b) ensuring that the person who hurt her feelings has been tarred and feathered.
Now, I think that the actual message of the response is fine. If you don't connect with people you don't know, that's fine. You can say as much, but going off a rant is just a waste of bits.
Bullshit. Kelly was a complete a-hole and deserves everything she gets. There were 100 different ways to handle this without insults.
I don't even treat telemarketers this rudely.
Yes, let's ruin a woman's livelihood over a bloody LinkedIn exchange because somebody's feelings were hurt.
To punish and embarrass. Careers have been ruined in such a manner.
But let's not lose sight of what a LinkedIn connection also entails: it means that all of your other connections are now visible to each other, and to some people that may imply a degree of exclusivity. To some, LinkedIn is not a contact-free-for-all like Facebook, where one can be "friended" casually.
A LinkedIn connection isn't like walking into a business and cold-calling on an owner or manager. It's the equivalent of walking in and demanding to see their address book of contacts.
Others in this thread have indicated that the best response would have been to ignore the request. I agree. But some people don't work like that, which is why I referenced a truncated response perhaps would have been ok.
Yes, the response was rude and insensitive....and so is the entire world outside of the comfy confines of white-collar America. The requestor made certain assumptions she should not have, and her follow-up approach to the situation seems to imply a sense of entitlement.
If I've got several hundred connections, do I want to hide them all from my other contacts?
Some may see that being a bit more exclusive in connecting may be the best solution.
But why should we assume that everyone is aware of how supposedly "exclusive" a LinkedIn connection is? I for one was not. (I stopped using LinkedIn shortly after their security mishaps a few years back.) If the requester only had a few contacts it's reasonable to assume she was new to the site and did not realize this either. That's no reason to have such an acerbic response shot back at her.
> Yes, the response was rude and insensitive....and so is the entire world
I for one don't tolerate rudeness or insensitivity in either my personal or business life (on either my part or that of others). I guess that's just me.
Despite our sparring in this thread, I don't think we're miles apart on this issue. As I've gotten older (I'm in my early 40s), I've become less and less tolerant of rudeness, drama, and insensitivity.
But what spurred me to post was not the original rude reply, but the witch hunt that has arisen around it. This macks of a temper tantrum by a hypersensitive person who has whipped the online mob (who simply want to see a good fight) into a frenzy.
If I would have received that kind of response, I likely would have responded with a few choice words of my own. Then again, I wouldn't have made the request in the first place without at least engaging the person in some other, more social manner.
I see the response as just as offensive as the original rejection. What could have been an interesting anecdote and useful starting point for a discussion on civility was quickly turned into a vendetta when anonymity was thrown out the window.
Yeah... No.
Don't run a fucking job board and pimp it through LinkedIn if you don't want attention. The request could have just been ignored, and it did NOT deserve this vitriol.
Do you actually use LinkedIn? You seem to be assigning a connection with some sort of profound meaning that it simply doesn't have. Indeed, if you follow LinkedIn's standard user flow, it will generate connection invites for anyone who you've ever corresponded with and saved as a contact on your email platform. If you get invites that you don't want to reciprocate, you ignore them.
And isn't it glorious irony that someone in the business of networking complains about someone trying to network?
Add that LinkedIn allows you to restrict who can even send you invites (which this woman didn't use), and who can see your connections (which is apparently the grave concern here).
Sorry, this woman was obviously having a very bad day, with a strange hint that they may feel threatened by youth, and decided to explode on a stranger -- in a very inappropriate and tacky way. There is nothing "right" about their action.
The response from the woman in question went too far, and it isn't too hard to draw the conclusion that she probably shouldn't be in a job involving networking if she has that reaction.... but it doesn't change the fact that the connection requestor was looking to get something for nothing, and her subsequent activity to mob-shame the other is equally disgusting.
This woman apparently has influence and persuasion because of her membership. By trying to connect, this young woman was saying "you are important and I want to connect with you". That is a two way street, and it is not fair to say "something for nothing".
As to the public shaming, we are all accountable for our words and actions, particularly when we engage in discriminatory behaviors (the whole bitter "your generation" bit). There is nothing disgusting about this so-called public shaming (note that it was in result of someone engaging in ageism and then basically declaring the person shut out, celebrating their monopoly).
The Job Board operator could have simply hid their connections if they really feel a great burden for a connection invite, and their grievous fear that everyone was trying to usurp their network (again, we come to the "Feeling threatened" bit) would be allayed.
I understand how it would be inappropriate if I tried to connect with Larry Page or something, but he isn't running a job database intended to help me.
I'm really put off by the attitude that some people have toward professional networking. I hope that if I ever become highly respected for my work, young people aren't afraid to reach out to me. If don't have time to help them or respond, I wont, but I'll never tell anyone "Never e-mail me again! How dare you, inexperienced little peasant, attempt to further your career by reaching out to a massively successful senior professional like myself!".
Same here. I'm a big believer in the idea that pretty much everybody has "something to offer" and that we can all learn from everybody else. I accept almost all the LI connections I receive, with only a few exceptions (blatant SPAM, obvious fake profiles, etc.)
Being in my 40's and having worked in my field for sometime, I actually enjoy opportunities to "give back" a bit and help younger people. I wish everybody took that kind of approach, but what can ya do?
Yep, and this should never happen in a professional setting when your job is dealing with the public.
Now obviously the original lady was a rude, but so what? Somehow being rude to someone is grounds for public evisceration these days? Of course being publicly humiliated is way worse than being rude to someone.
This isn't the case of one person being an a-hole to another in public in front of witnesses who could repeat the affair and shame the offending party: it's a case where the offended person chose to make it personal and punish the other.
How exactly did the offended person punish her? By revealing to the world the true nature of KB?
And I don't expect my private message to become public, do you? Of course, messaging an unknown like that, you have to be more careful.
Maybe she just had a bad day, the message came at a bad time.
Second, what is it with people and the "almighty linkedin connections" thing? Do you or anyone else really think your "960+ connections" are some kind of treasure hoard that needs to be guarded by Smaug and kept safe from the undeserving? Protip: they're not.
The issue here is that the woman's response was petty. She could have just denied the connection on linkedin and then made sure the requester provided all the required information to join the mailing list. Instead, she just blanket denies her from the mailing list with the intent of never letting her join because she had the audacity to ask for a linkedin connection.
And, yes, people who are too full of themselves and hyped up on their own "importance" deserve to be knocked down a peg, which is what happened to this woman. Especially considering that this isn't the first time she's sent this kind of response back to someone.
Without public exposure, she would have never been taught a lesson she desperately needed to learn - that you can't just shit on people because you think you're more important than them.
You're right I'm ignoring it. Because I don't take issue with how she responded, but rather with the "sticks and stones may break my bones, but if you hurt my feelings when you reject my request, I WILL DESTROY YOU IN THE COURT OF PUBLIC OPINION" approach the requestor went with, and how that approach has been supported by the bloodthirsty mob.
Second, what is it with people and the "almighty linkedin connections" thing?
It's their choice, is it not?
Perhaps, but we're hearing about this because she very much didn't stop there.
Yes, but let's not forget: we're also hearing about this because the offended party decided to make a spectacle out of this, with the sole intention of hurting the other.
Both parties are in the wrong, but I take issue with how the Internet mob is clamoring for blood after being intentionally riled up over hurting somebody's feelings.
You'd think it's on par with oil spills, drone strikes and Constitutional violations.
Girl applies to join a "job bank" email group in Cleveland, in order to find a job. Girl feels like it's also a smart idea to connect with the operator of the email group on LinkedIn.
Operator absolutely eviscerates girl for requesting the LinkedIn connection. Girl spreads operator's rude response around the internet. Operator is now sad, and has apologized.
* 6. LinkedIn. Please do NOT shop through LinkedIn for all the important sounding senior practitioners in town, and ask them to connect. It comes across as bush league, it shows poor judgment, and you are ignoring the fundamental rule of connections – reciprocity. Networking is conducted between individuals who have met or worked with each other, and who can provide equal levels of help to each other. If I would be only the 5th connection you have on LinkedIn, and I’m bringing 800+ connections to the table, what you would get is the ability to harvest my contacts for job leads, and I get – absolutely nothing of use or interest out of accepting your invite.
These types of wishful connection requests come across as self-serving and tacky. Of course, if you’ve been an intern for someone, please ask them to connect. Every professional I know bends over backwards to help their interns, give them recommendations, etc. However, if the only way you met a business leader was because they came to class to speak, please hold off on the presumptuous urge to ask them to connect with you. Right now, your LinkedIn connections should be classmates, professors and the people you worked for at internships or part-time jobs.
"I sincerely apologize for the harsh words and unprofessional, unwarranted actions in my response to you... I should have lent a hand, as well as hope, and I failed at that. You and many others, both strangers and colleagues, have reminded me that my personal journey in humility and gentleness is far from complete. I wish you all the best in your job search. Respectfully, Kelly Blazek," [0]
It's not one of those lame "I'm sorry if you were offended" or "I used the wrong choice of words" non-apologies, which are all too common these days.
[0] http://www.cleveland.com/business/index.ssf/2014/02/kelly_bl...
The reason I care is that I think it takes more humility to say the simple words "I am sorry" than "I apologize." Saying "I am sorry" is an admission of feeling. Saying "I apologize" is trying to narrate at event that did not actually happen.
It never occurred to me that someone could have so much self-worth tied up in their LinkedIn connection list.
Funny thing is, it's actually reassuring that this is notable enough to go viral and universally decried.
Just swap jobseeking for technology help, 960 connections for 27,000 posts and you're looking at one of millions of noob scorchings that have been taking place since BBS. Being smug, needlessly nasty and aggressively dismissive isn't just ignored in these circles - it's often applauded.
I believe the opposite.
Before online social networking trivialized human relationships, rude behavior in a private exchange would have resulted in the recipient of the rudeness evaluating the other as an a-hole and might share the story with a few friends.
Now it's a front-page story. It is a perfect example of how thin-skinned and polarized our society has become.
https://twitter.com/OtherNEOJobBank
So far, it appears to be just a Twitter account that shares local job listings, but perhaps they are working on a formal email list and website too.
In some cases, mere acquaintances have turned around to introduce me to job candidates, customers, business partners, etc.
This approach works in the social world too, in terms of dating ;-)
Good luck to anyone willing to step in the legal & PR minefield of employing this girl.
Seriously, I've received a few LinkedIn requests from obvious scam accounts or some kids I that I never met, but we have a connection or two in common. The scammers I ignore.
The earnest strangers, I tend to tell, "Hi! Thanks for the connection request, but I think LinkedIn works best for me when the connections are people I've actually worked with in one form or another."
This job bank woman stepped way over the line as far as I can see.
But in fairness to the Millennials, my generation also has more than its fair share of thin-skined entitlement children. As is the case with the Baby Boomers.
You could make the case that the offensive response in question might reflect her sense of entitlement.
I'm not sure you understand how shame or social mediaworks. You can't shame someone unless they've actually done something shameful. Things don't go viral unless there is something there.
I expected the comments about her reply to be exaggerated, but they aren't. At all. That was absolutely disgusting to read.