And it seems like she's not villing/able to cut of contact with her family as I would maybe do if I were in her place, but I'll never be so it's hard to even imagine what I'd do.
I have said "No" but being a Pakistani girl there's nothing I can do. I was even forced to marry that guy who is 15 years older than me. And I would say goodbye to everything but I have to wait for the right time. I'm being mean though, I need my family right now to support me until I finish my school. And then it will be up to me. I know I sound selfish but it's nothing compared to what they've done to me and my life
Overtly saying no will most likely result in family or friends of family going after her in Spain. Once you enter the Shengen area of Europe, which is reachable by car from Pakistan you can basically get anywhere. There are countless easily traversed borders to this area in corrupt/poorer countries. After that there's close to no border checks.
It is really easy for friends/family to get to Spain and make her life difficult there.
A cool story that was recently in the Dutch news reduces that perceived distance, when an independent car rental business owner pursues and retrieves one of his cars all the way in Iraq:
http://translate.google.nl/translate?sl=nl&tl=en&js=n&prev=_...
The thieves just rented a car, and drove there. Possibly to fight Jihad.
edit: using http://www.freemaptools.com/how-far-is-it-between.htm I find 5600km for Amsterdam -> Islamabad, and 3900km from LA -> NY. So I was 40% off :P
Google Maps uses a modified Mercator projection, which distorts distances.
Sandeela Kanwal - killed by her parents for trying to leave her arranged marriage.
Noor Almaleki - murdered by her parents for (among other things) shunning arranged marriage. The other things were trying to be too western, like wanting to have the privilege of driving a car.
Those are the ones that just took place in the US lately.
You have no idea what is is like to be in her situation!!
I am not in the "just say no" category. Instead I am in the "just say yes" category. Then go off, run away, sue for divorce, and then decide what to do. If she can safely return home, do it. If not, then there is the asylum process. Being in the US may provide many more options than being in Pakistan would in this regard.
I say this being conscious that this is a specific situation and the individual involved will have to make the decisions for herself. I also say this as someone who is probably reasonably well known here as reasonably critical of American individualism, but there are times when it can be handy and this might be one.
I get it, on technical things, you can be 100% correct in telling someone "no, what you're attempting is just wrong, and this approach works better". On issues of life, with adults, it might be nice to remind people of other options. It's just silly though to insist that the person hasn't thought of their position and didn't come up with the idea of "oh I should just call the cops".
It's like someone says "how can I hide that I'm a heroin addict at work; I can't lose my job right now" and the reply is just "stop using drugs". Wow, that's helpful.
It's possible she could stay in Spain even if they cut off support, but it's not anything like a guarantee. Officially the default in most European countries is that if you're on a student visa and no longer have the ability to study full-time and support yourself, you get deported. It might be possible to support oneself on part-time jobs, though youth unemployment is very high in Spain currently even among Spaniards. It might be possible to claim asylum, but that is not easy either (Spain grants asylum rarely, <250 people/yr typically). Not sure what the right answer is.
I don't jump to conclusions, that just because she is Pakistani and has a family that likes to push her around, that they're bloodthirstily maniacs.
The comment about getting herself killed, was about what happens, if she gets her family in trouble, not if she just left them. As I understand, she plans to cut ties to her family as soon as she's financially independent. Therefore I think she isn't afraid to get killed if she doesn't go to the US, but that her family stops supporting her.
She lives in Spain, not in Pakistan. Which doesn't make honor killings impossible, but I guess, she is in a somewhat better protected situation and has ways to make herself heard by authorities.
Even her language in the original post was pretty clear (though only if you've ever read about such cases before, I admit, so I don't blame you for not reading it that way - 10 years ago I probably wouldn't notice either) - the vagueness there is actually a defensive strategy, and possibly one more terrifying consequence of such cases. This really is a slow-release horror case.
Sorry, it's clearly my fault. Although I thought I read through the whole thread, I somehow managed to miss her already existing answers, that her mother and sister could get in trouble in Pakistan, and that she already called homeland security to get her husband deported. Which voids most of my prior reasoning.
---
old answer:
I partially agree, I should have waited longer. I actually read through the information, that was available at that time (on Stack Exchange, not HN). Otherwise, I wouldn't have posted my comment.
That "trouble", was in my opinion a response to suggestions to get her husband deported, who is overstaying in the US. But as I read it again, it may as well mean if they found out she tricked them to believe she got denied from immigrations.
Still, I'm under the impression, that her main concern with not complying is, that the family would no longer support her financially in Spain, than actually harm her:
"And I would say goodbye to everything but I have to wait for the right time. I'm being mean though, I need my family right now to support me until I finish my school. And then it will be up to me."
I might be ignorant, but as a double citizen with very few full citizens within my circle of friends, I try to rule out social and cultural background as far as feasible, because the way negative as well as positive prejudices influence reasoning.
That being said, I still think, if its possible for her to get help from human right groups and or government, she should just say no and abandon the family. Maybe move to another country in the Schengen area. The self-deportation scheme might buy her some time, but the story will repeat.
I'm aware, that it's easy for me to say, since I'm not affected. But if been around people who have been in similar or worse situations. That's why I care about this topic and why I commented.
She is currently in Spain, studies and has a Job, which gives her a more promising initial position, than way too many other women on this planet. I really hope she gets out of this hell soon.
Basically, Western society got this crap out of the way a few hundred years ago. We still have "slut shaming" and other milder vestiges.
Wow, now you owe us a story describing which community in Switzerland does things like this.
They wouldn't have forced him to marry a cousin, rather strongly proposed it. Nevertheless, it was clearly expected from him, that he'd stick within this small community.
So the choice left was, to do what he wanted and lose almost everything except his education, or comply.
This was around 35 years ago in rural Zürich. A stronghold of religion and patriarchy you could say. Things changed a lot since then. E.G televisions aren't products of the devil himself anymore, so community members no longer have to hide them in tv-cabinets etc. I actually don't remember how they call themselves and never really cared. It was a subgroup of another subgroup, I believe.
The scary thing is, today they are (in some parts of the world).
I turn on the TV something like once a month and it feels like a portal to Hell has suddently opened in my living room.
I know I'll come off as a culturally-insensitive douchebag for saying this, but the fact that somebody isn't used to saying "no", or even being able to say "no", doesn't mean that it isn't the best option. That's not to say that it is the best option here (like most, I'm not terribly familiar with the person's particular situation), but I think that "I'm not used to doing X" isn't a great reason to not do X.
EDIT: Apparently this person fears for their life if they disobey their family's wishes? That's god-damned barbaric.