No I think you're being sort of outlandishly ridiculous .... just to be honest. You would have us not allow for any sort of classification of programming languages then because they are Turing complete.
For analogy, there's only one true physical Earth, but there are many possible maps (representations) of the same area: one showing the temperature at the surface (using color), one showing wind direction at various points, one showing roads, etc. Which map is correct? Which map is best?
What we are doing is saying: "This is an object language, this one is functional, this one is visual."
Again, your problem seems to be more one of not wanting us to call any programming language with any adjectives differentiating it from others ...