So the flaws of cash listed in the article are superficially plausible but we know they weren't much of a barrier to wide adoption.
This was not always the case.
Before the advent of central banking, cash was just as dodgy as Mt. Gox internal transactions. You were unlikely to be able to use cash more than five miles from the bank that issued it. Balance statements were purely arbitrary because you had no insight into your (unregulated) bank's books. In the 19th century, transactions across long distances looked more like hawala than anything the modern man would recognize as banking.
This satire was written by someone who does not understand what he or she is attempting to satirize.
Perhaps the author understands what they're satirizing a bit more than you're giving them credit for.
A citizen being asked to pay his legal due in taxes is exactly the same as being repeatedly robbed by thugs.
Something something monopoly on violence.
Saving is a useful economic activity. Why should I let some filthy money lender touch my money? It's my money!
Consider where that initial cash came from. You worked your ass off between 18 and 60 and you got a bunch of cash in exchange. Some you spent on consumption, some you saved for use later. In fact, cash is just 'tokens for exchange later' where later is a time window that varies from 1 hour (hand-to-mouth) to 50+ years (surplus productive capacity people).
Wouldn't it be great if you could use your tokens for their promised exchange-value through your retirement and see those years of hard work payoff? In fact, multiply, because as you said the population grows, more goods are produced, and your cash tokens buy more and more of those goods.
It's a great way to retire. Unfortunately for the retired, they are on fixed incomes (pensions) in an inflationary world: those people get SCREWED to the extent where they can't afford heating in some US States.
These are people who worked hard all their lives and just wanted to live off the proceeds, the surplus they had generated.
Think of the chi^H^H^H grandparents!
Of course, your underlying point is correct - both these examples are coterminous with vast transformations in the two societies (the civil war and the Glorious Revolution), which equally were not dreamed up by a nerd in a basement.
[1] James McPherson's Battle Cry of Freedom has some interesting material on this.