> "manly man" is a dick who doesn't do his fair share
Oh? My wife, back when I had one, never seemed interested in an egalitarian split for chores like, say, replacing the car's serpentine belt and tensioner, or sorting out the electrical fault that'd stopped the taillights working -- or, for that matter, taking out the garbage. (Which, incidentally, I gather from empirical evidence does count as a "manly activity", presumably because garbage is often heavy and occasionally malodorous.) So also for yardwork and most repairs to the domicile; in general, if the job seemed likely to involve sweating, swearing, or a risk of ending up bleeding, the job was mine, and the egalitarian split business applied only to the rest.
Which got galling after a while; I don't mind mowing, weeding, edging, and sweeping, or spending six hours getting filthy with my arm jammed to the elbow up the ass end of a car engine, but when I've been doing that all day, and have finally finished up and got a shower, a beer, and a piece of the couch, I don't give a damn if it's my turn to cook -- and nor should I, because I've done my fair share.
> We have at least two viable role models for women: girly woman and equal breadwinner woman.
I'm not sure about that. I've known a lot of people whose marriages involved what you call an "equal breadwinner woman". Most of those marriages have failed. While I've known rather fewer people whose marriages have involved men and women who more closely followed what the modern age pleases itself to regard as outdated, patriarchal, oppressively stereotypical gender roles, almost all of those whom I do know are still married, and indeed many have been for longer than I've been alive. Causation is always a tricky beast to corner, but at the very least there's a strong correlation there, and I tend to think there's a reason for that.
(I'd also note, parenthetically, that the men I've known who've been married to your "equal breadwinner women" haven't been men I've found particularly worthy of respect, nor for the most part have I had the impression they had much respect for themselves. The women themselves tend to be lovely people, if lonely, but their husbands have been no prizes, which does a lot to explain the high divorce rate I've observed among them.)
> As a programmer I spend the whole day sitting in a chair and clicking my mouse (keyboard tapping from time to time). Is that manly? I don't know.
No, it's not, and I say that as one who does likewise. (Except mostly with his hands on the keyboard -- what kind of programming do you do that you touch it only rarely?)