If You're Unhappy, Consider Tech
sostephosays.tumblr.com
sostephosays.tumblr.com
I believe that other industries, especially law and political lobbying/activism, claim to value women, but actually they are just making up for one kind of bias (believing that women are incompetent) with another: wanting to have attractive women around, and therefore giving them disproportionate respect and reward. White women especially seem to fit the preferences of these employers in this regard.
Now I am thinking what to do next to add stuff to my portfolio, I have some ideas, I think maybe with a small portfolio I could start getting some gigs and then will see. The only thing I realized is that it takes time, you won't solve this in a day.
(throwaway account to say) As a transgender guy, I have experienced a similar contrast in how I was treated as a female and how I am treated as a man. There were certainly clear cases of discrimination, but I never expected the moment-to-moment differences!
As for the change to a tech job. I suspect there are multiple reasons for such a change. As @yetanotherphd mentioned, she's Asian, so probably got a boost from that (not saying it is right, just saying that stereotypes probably benefited her in this case). Some tech industries do seem to have a younger and more meritocratious population. Also, some tech industries are simply in better financial situations, and this can have many effects (e.g., instead of yelling at her about answering the phones while scrubbing toilets, the employer could have hired another employee).
For reference, I'm in my mid-40's and transitioned over 5 years ago.
Prior to transitioning, I would frequently overhear or walk-into technical conversations about subjects that were relevant or of interest to me. While there were a handful of guys who understood my interest in technology and would intentionally include me, most simply wouldn't even think of including me (and I didn't know any women who were into technology). Thankfully, I never had a guy react badly when I included myself in a conversation, although I would occasionally get odd looks because of my interest and knowledge. Now I'm very intentionally sought out by colleagues (male and female) during technology conversations that are relevant or of interest.
Prior to transitioning, I frequently had acquaintances make suggestions about my appearance; make-ups I should try, how I should fix my hair, etc. While I've had lots of appearance-related conversations with my trans-friends, and I've had the typical, "wow you've changed a lot since I last saw you" conversations (but not as many as I expected). Other than those, I've only had one person comment on my appearance.
One of the more surprising topics that's changed has been car talk. I've never considered myself a car-person, prior to transition this wasn't ever a problem. Since I transitioned, it has come up with alarming frequency. While I've made a point of letting people know that I don't know a lot about cars, I still get comments that imply I'm an idiot for not knowing more.
Another thing that I find interesting is that prior to transitioning, I never had anyone suggest that I go a blind date with a friend of theirs; not one single time! Since I transitioned it's happened several times.
The programming skills will come with time, just focus on improving your craft one project at a time and constantly push yourself to learn something new. I've been in this industry for over a decade, and considered experienced in a number of languages and areas... but I am still learning. You'll get it.
Let me be clear that you should treat everyone nicely. There's no reason not to. But what that woman was experiencing is a manifestation of the commonly-held belief that being 100 pounds overweight is a negative quality that is entirely changeable (as evidenced by the fact that the person in question lost the 100 pounds). I don't know why we should regard this as surprising.
That may not be how you meant it, but that's how it comes across.