Hacker News Reader

"Hi I'm from YOURCOMPANY and I saw you wrote/spoke on/commented about RELEVANTTOPICORTHEME and thought you may be interested in learning more about YOURCOMPANY. I'd love to set up a demo to show you how it can help you with PROBLEM. What day is better for you, Tuesday or Wednesday?"

View on HN

I think this is way too direct. You atleast need to qualify if they really have the PROBLEM (even if you know they have the PROBLEM, it will atleast involve him in the conversation). Probably after that you can explain very briefly how you can solve the PROBLEM and give out few good names from the current clientele that have solved same/similar PROBLEM and then ask for a demo day. No?

Reply on news.ycombinator.com