Comment by biohacker42 | Hacker News Reader

Comment by biohacker42 | Hacker News Reader

This is a meta-comment about what belongs on HN, so if you don't like those kinds of comments, just down vote it and stop reading now.

If you're not interested in completely off-topic personal rambling, stop reading now.

While I know a lot of people have had similar experiences, I doubt group therapy of this kind is healthy for anyone.

Even some of the people who used to beat the crap out of me on a regular basis are getting in touch as if we're old friends.

My reaction to them... What the fuck is wrong with you people?

They grew up. Everyone knows kids are evil. And a few of them grow up to be evil adults and eventually go to jail.

But most people do grow up. They stop being what they were as kids, and most nerdy kids grow up to be much more sociable.

Now I don't think this person is missing much by not going to the reunion, but I do think it's a shame he still has not gotten over his childhood.

Obviously his childhood was worse then average, but that's life, life is not fair, deal with it.

Some people get over things by eliminating those things from their lives. He probably spends the vast majority of the days of his life over that whole experience. His rant was prompted by elements of that old world trying to intrude on the world he lives in now, which dredged up that negative energy.

Also, adolescents turn into adults, but they don't forget what passed before. So if you were evil to someone in high school, the adult thing to do would be to apologize if you're going to contact that person.

Also, adolescents turn into adults, but they don't forget what passed before. So if you were evil to someone in high school, the adult thing to do would be to apologize if you're going to contact that person.

Agreed. But I don't think that trying to forget something is dealing with it. It may be a way of coping, but it's no resolution.

Personally, I agree. I myself take a more inner-zen approach to this sort of thing. I've developed a certain empathy though, as during my life I've been intimate with some people for whom the inner-peace approach just doesn't seem attainable. For those people, avoiding the negative stimuli goes a long way to improving their lives.

That's exactly what happened to me (and a lot sooner than 25 years after high school). On graduation from Gymnasium (would be 12th grade here), my friend and I happened to run into this guy who would pester us in 7-9th grade. Worse for my friend than me, and nothing like broken fingers, but just random physical violence every now and then. We hadn't seen him for a couple of years, so we said hi and started talking and he says "I'm sorry I was such an asshole back then." It increased my respect for the guy immensely.

So yeah, you grow up and as part of that you realize you did some shitty things. So if you decide you really want to communicate with the people you were mean to, the first thing you do is straight up apologize. If they don't, I think his incredulousness is justified.

Your tough-love approach "...that's life, life is not fair, deal with it" is completely misguided and naive. I certainly hope that if you ever have children you don't use that mindset on them when they come home bullied, frustrated or upset.

I wouldn't use that on children, but he's not a child anymore.

Exactly. He's got enough pity for himself, I'm glad you aren't giving him more.

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