How Do You Handle Excuse-monger Colleagues?

I think we've all worked with someone like this before. The dog ate all of whatever they were supposed to do. Whether they are king lazy or just incompetent, it is supremely annoying to deal with a co-worker who doesn't pull his/her weight.

"The commit failed for some mysterious reason" "My email is broken" "I wrote the document but it didn't save properly" etc.

Please provide your favourite far-out excuses too.