> My fundamental beef with Apache is that people wrap way too much functionality into it, to the point where their entire end-to-end web stack is two sets of processes: Apache and a database server.
Fine, that's a technical point, and fair, but that doesn't make it a 'dog'. It works well for many things, and not so well for some others.
Most of the rest of what you write is vitriol and hyperbole ... "awful", "molasses", "hate", "garbage", and so on and so forth. Your "liberal with what you accept and conservative with what you output" (which I voted up, it's a great quote) goes for interaction with other people, as well.
As a member of the ASF, I'd also like to point out that the foundation goes where people want it to. Sure, there are lots of Java projects, but there are some reasons for that. Java tends to be used by people (and especially companies) who also like to be sure of the provenance of their software, and Apache projects can be very sure of that. That process does introduce a bit of bureaucracy, but it's not all that bad, really. Overall, yes, the ASF has gone a little bit 'enterprisey', but that's no reason to get bitter about it. If you don't like it, don't use it. (The FSF also has similar kinds of bureaucracy too, in order to ensure that they have the copyright for their software).
There are also numerous non-Java projects, like CouchDB, Perl, Python and Tcl modules, and 'Harmony' which is Java, but an implementation of the language itself, which requires some fairly interesting hacking, and of course the web server itself. Most of these projects are worked on by different people.
The concurrency model (models, actually), like many things, is of course a tradeoff, with no absolute 'right' answer (although I think Yaws does a pretty good job).
BTW, I do the Apache Tcl stuff, or did... I don't have much time for it these days.