A quick googling just now revealed the Ubuntu wiki has what looks like good documentation for pbuilder, so I may be able to make it work now. It doesn't actually look that difficult (though it seems to require pretty advanced shell scripting for some things that seem like they ought to be in there with a command line switch or a config file option, but my reading of it was cursory and it may just be a weird bit of showing off in the docs, and shell scripting isn't actually a necessary part of the process). But, with truly awful docs, as they existed when I was trying to use it several years ago, I couldn't make it go.
I really don't hate apt-get as much as all of this makes it sound like I do. As a user, apt-get it fine. As a maintainer, I find it extremely frustrating. If the docs were better, I'd probably like it more (though not as much as RPM/yum...the simplicity of maintaining packages for a yum repo is really hard to beat).