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Comment by dylandrop | Hacker News Reader

Sneering and attacking those who call out techies for elitism, sexism, or whatever it may be is the wrong way to go. Especially when you write an article that sounds as elitist and uninformed as this.

(One thing that stood out for me was the quote: "Did you know that those guys had two kids when they were your age? That is how things are supposed to work." A lot of people who don't have access to sex education have kids because they weren't informed, or they didn't have access to birth control, or otherwise, not because they're trying to force their lifestyle on entrepreneurs.)

We (the tech community) should lead by example. Yes, it's hard when you're scrutinized so often. But what's going to sway the public's opinion: an offensive snarky article? Or taking the high road?

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I actually liked the kid quote. I decided when I was a child that I never wanted to be a parent. When it came up in conversation people would usually dismiss me and say that I'd change my mind when I got older. I got older, and I still don't want or have children. It always bothered me that people felt that my answer was invalid; that they could just overrule me and assert that I'd become wiser (e.g. agree with them) when I was older.

Now I lead a comfortable and happy life, and I got here by taking some risks I couldn't have taken if I'd had kids to care for. I'm not saying my answer was the only correct path, but it worked for me and I'm happy with it. And yes, I'm a little bitter towards the people who thought I was incapable of making life decisions for myself.

That said, you're completely right that an attack is the worst way to proceed if we want non-techies to accept us.

Oh -- don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with choosing not to have kids. I was referencing people who have kids at a very young age due to lack of sex education, no access to birth control, or some other circumstance that those who are more fortunate have access to.

It's my impression that kids don't really start to pay off until you're in your fifties and sixties.

> We (the tech community) should lead by example.

That's very hard, if not impossible, when the example isn't something people like. One example: many tech people work well over 40 hours/week, either because of ambition or passion. That's not something the rest look up to.

Well in my opinion, that's actually a paragon of the American worker (someone working hard because they're passionate).

But if you'd like, consider it this way -- it's a lot harder to dislike a group of people working hard and not appearing to do anything wrong, rather than a group of people who write attack pieces against those who do not fall into the same demographic as them. If news sources like ValleyWag do not have anything to write about, it'll be a lot more difficult to associate Silicon Valley with negativity.

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