Hacker News Reader

Comment by Dewie | Hacker News Reader

> While you and you alone have the power to change your behavior (and it would be awesome if you gave women the benefit of the doubt because we're not all this way...promise), I really can't place 100% of the blame on you either.

Yet this seems to imply that you place most of the blame on him... though it seems that you are both (potential) victims here.

View on HN

I apologize if it came off this way. I actually allocate blame 50% to him and 50% to the people that do this sort of thing. This is a circular problem to me. Some people seem quick to be angry about things and they lash out at people. Then the people being lashed are like "These people are CRAZY. I'd better steer clear of them." The ones lashing out may have been on the receiving end of something *ist and read into things that people say/do. This issue seems to be feeding itself. What it comes down to is this: Everyone needs to stop judging everyone based on the actions of a few people who make great waves. The tech industry isn't the only place this could be beneficial, either.

WRT calling him out on his behavior, all I was trying to say is that I disagree and wish he would consider changing his mentality going forward. I'm not mad at him for it, I'm sad that the actions of a few have caused him to think this. At the same time I was hoping to imply that I won't twist his arm because I see where he's coming from. No malice intended!

Things like this can ruin lives (this according to you), yet you seem to write about this as if it is a simple attitude problem, in need of a "change in mentality" like being more reflected and aware of one's biases, and not (also) a matter of self preservation on his part.

No, I recognized that this is a self-preservation tactic and (thought) I implied I wished it weren't needed.

Please read some of the other things I said -- I'm actually on the same side as him.

> No, I recognized that this is a self-preservation tactic and (thought) I implied I wished it weren't needed.

This seems to contradict when you previously wrote that it is up to him, and him alone, to change his behavior, when here it seems to be actually a needed tactic bourn of forces outside of his control. Allocating 50% blame doesn't seem terribly sympathetic, either.

But never mind, I have probably nitpicked more than my fair share for today.

Well, at the end of the day he really is the only one who can change his behavior. I'm not saying I'll be mad if he doesn't, it was simply my way of saying "Don't give up on us because we're not all bitches."

I didn't feel that this warranted more or less blame on anyone's part. He seems like he might assume a woman is up tight based on his experiences -- I can't change how he feels about that. Unfortunately I also can't change the women that caused him to feel that way. All I can do is try my hardest to not be like the women he speaks of and ask him to reconsider his position.

I appreciate the nitpicking fwiw. I think you misinterpreted what I said, possibly due to the fact that I sometimes suck with words.

Reply on news.ycombinator.com