Comment by rfnslyr | Hacker News Reader

Comment by rfnslyr | Hacker News Reader

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No, we've spoken about this intensely. It is our view that if it is not physically hurting you, find a way to mitigate it or use it to your advantage.

My Mother knows her self worth. Sexist comments and remarks don't do anything to her, because she doesn't let others determine who she is or how she feels. If someone calls me a "faggot", why would I get mad? I'm not a "faggot", so how can this persons words possibly shape me into one?

It just helps her differentiate the people she wants to associate with, and the idiots she doesn't want to associate with.

When you grow up in SHIT, you tend to get lost in meaningless details like insults from people that don't matter to you. When you are fending for your life every single day against criminals, rapists, murders, and starvation for the first 20 years of your life, meaningless bullshit like "the white male patriarchy" tends to get lost on you. Insults and ill treatment excite us because it adds fuel to our fire, you now have a weapon to use against somebody. When we get insulted, we don't get upset, we collect it, and use it against them because ultimately it's meaningless and it's THEIR problem, not mine.

My Mom got to where she was by being great at her job and being a very thick skinned and clever social engineer. The assholes were left behind. She could have dwelled, but she didn't. She could have cried all day and night about some off hand remark that probably wasn't even intentionally sexist in nature, but she didn't, and neither should you.

We don't believe in modern pseudo-feminism, sorry.

I work with loads of women from third world countries that worked their asses off for their entire early lives just to afford themselves the CHANCE of making it by coming to a first world country with $0. If they don't get off, where do you get off?

Check your privilege.

> If someone calls me a "faggot", why would I get mad? I'm not a "faggot", so how can this persons words possibly shape me into one?

It's fortunate that you can simply choose not to identify with that particular insult, but what about people who do identify as homosexual? Or who are genderqueer?

Edit: Why does this matter? It's just especially shitty and dehumanizing when you identify as something that is seen as culturally acceptable to debase. Privilege is being able to dismiss things with "Hah! That's ridiculous! I'm not a Foo," which still allows room for and/or even implies the denigration of Foos.

That's not to say you should deviate from your fuck-the-haters approach. It's great that you and your mother have sufficiently thick skin to forge ahead in spite of ill-informed discrimination, but not everyone has the same fortitude. The cultural norms we establish can go a long way toward creating a better context for everyone.

What about them? How does being called a faggot hurt someone who is, in fact, a faggot?

It doesn't. People are so quick to point the finger at everyone but themselves.

No, it's not ME who should decide how I feel, it's YOU that should censor what YOU say, for ME!

Avoid, tell them to fuck off if need be, and continue. It's not a very difficult concept.

I have a feeling that this thread was started by (and is being steered by) a couple of social justice warriors, using a combination of their typical lies, guilt-tripping tactics, and anti-male sexism to socially engineer certain opinions.

It's sad that they thought it would work.

No room in life for losers. Wake and realize we live in the best possible times. Go live in a small village where your primary objective is surviving, then come back to your real life, you will be very quickly humbled.

I really think people are just bored man. In an age where I can watch videos of the Earth set from the moon, what the hell is there really to get excited about?

It's depressing. My grandmothers entire goal in life was to dip her toes in the ocean, something that brought (I can't even imagine) an unreal amount of happiness to her, and she finally experienced this at the age of 70.

We have everything. If you want something, you have to keep your head down, put in the work, and you'll get it. That's it! We don't suffer from 99.99% of the problems that have plagued our species since it's dawn.

The entitlement to perfection is sickening.

I wish we could bottle perspective and force these social justice fucks to gulp it down. They need it badly.

Thanks for the contribution of common sense this thread sorely needed.

Eh? I'm not sure where your antipathy is coming from. I'm just here because I tend to enjoy communities that afford a basic level of courtesy to most folks, and have guidelines and moderation that support that context. Like HN's own http://ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html

The facet of gamer culture described in the parent article just kinda bums me out, and I don't think we'd particularly lose much by trying to promote greater civility. Maybe other people feel the same? Regardless, cultural norms don't shift unless people respectfully speak up when things aren't working for them.

That's all I'm here for. And I largely agree with rfnslyr ("WHY ARE WE YELLING?" "I DON'T KNOW.") in terms of developing a thick skin and owning your own reactions being an extremely powerful tool. But maybe we could also try to be nicer to one another, sometimes?

With that, I'll respectfully bow out of the conversation.

> The facet of gamer culture described in the parent article just kinda bums me out, and I don't think we'd particularly lose much by trying to promote greater civility.

Why waste your time trying to culture someone who isn't? A switch won't magically flip in their minds?

Why even waste time on random nerds you don't even know? Just play your game, mute them, and have fun.

Hell yeah I'm all for being nice to everyone.

Social justice is a cult. It's dogmatic, it's detached from reality, and it's insane. I hate all cults equally.

I've pointed out numerous lies being perpetrated by your cohorts (or, more likely, sockpuppets) in this thread.

You won't get anywhere with shit. Not here. You need to just go.

Do you have some sort of contact? Like IRC/Steam or something?

I am homosexual. I really don't care if someone calls me a faggot. What's it to them? If someone cares enough about something as intangible as my sexuality to make a flippant comment, I pity them.

The only reason you ever have to get up in arms is of consequences stemming directly from the sexism. Then there's an actual problem.

> but not everyone has the same fortitude.

That's too bad. Sink or swim. Everyone is much too hyper sensitive from growing up in such a protected and privileged culture.

People often forget that in the end, it's you vs them, crying about it on your blog and writing to newspapers and starting all these silly little groups and protests does not do shit.

Keep your head down, play the game, and when/if you come into a position of power, deal the cards you've been holding on to. That is how society works, and that is how everyone who ever came into a position of power has played the game, men and women alike. In fact my boss is a short fat black woman and I work in the investment sector.

If my mom and coworkers made it, so can you, and if you can't, then that is your problem and something you need to work actively to change, not society.

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The reality is people ARE going to have different opinions, good and bad. People WILL make sexist jokes. People will berate you for your gender, just because they can. People will do all sorts of shit. You have to accept that no matter what someones stance is, whether it's wrong in your mind, it is still their right.

It is entirely up to you how to choose to react to it.

> I am homosexual. I really don't care if someone calls me a faggot.

Oh man, I wish the whole world was as easy-going in this as you were. Tires me out. People take offense to anything.

For this comment alone, I have a tremendous amount of respect for you.

Cheers for spreading the word.

Thanks man.

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