To be completely honest, Server Side JS or ServerJS has been growing a huge following of interested parties doing some amazing things with JavaScript (Narwhal http://narwhaljs.org/ , ServerJS https://wiki.mozilla.org/ServerJS , NodeJS http://tinyclouds.org/node/ ). The sheer fact that you openly admit that you haven't even tried the product screams "troll" and the whole "extremely slow" without any base or founding is completely ridiculous. Maybe you should take a look at the product and movement before flaming it.

Server side PHP is such a 90s style idea. Extremely slow.