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Comment by silencio | Hacker News Reader

(I'm a woman and) I didn't even know that was a thing until a few years ago. Kind of thought it was a given that we split for dinners, nobody drives me home (ugh, that's kind of creepy on a first date) and on the first few dates the only thing I'll accept is a drink of some sort and that's it. Then some of my male friends went on to enlighten me with their first date stories...wow.

Dating sites tend to give women the advantage though (that I had to finally make my okcupid profile only visible to women interested in women due to too many guys messaging me is unbelievable to a lot of my guy friends) so I can see why some women would see things that way. The guy that goes the extra mile to do something...kind of unfair and terrible...stands out more than being just one among many half interesting conversations there.

Not that that's right, but a lot of women rather enjoy it. :/

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I live in a dense city, Toronto, and I can't find a woman to save my life. What can I do if even dating sites fail me? I feel I'm pretty well off. I have my own apartment and I have a great paying job, and I'd like to think I'm pretty cool as well. I don't get it. Maybe I should date people older than me in a similar position?

Apparently splitting the bill has even had its own term coined! "Going Dutch", an event that so rarely occurs, it has even earned its own definition!

If by simply not having a car and paying for their dates leaves me in the dust, then I don't want to date.

How hard can it be to find like minded people? My god..

I'm going to be brutally honest and let you know from your posts above you come across as a jerk and/or lacking social skills/awareness.

When you go against a social norm you have to set expectations early on. Ideally before you even go on a dinner date. None of the women I know have a problem going Dutch; all of them would be really offended if you took them to a fancy restaurant and then when the bill came you expected them to pay half. You have essentially tricked them.

Here is a hint: If you want to go Dutch then take a girl for coffee or on a picnic ("you bring the bread and dips, I'll bring the drinks and cheese" etc) at least until you get to know her better.

Perhaps to you $80 is nothing. In my early 20's it would have been 8 hours work. Why would I spend a days hard work to have dinner with you when I can have dinner with another guy, who has just as much chance of being a great guy, without the expense?

Thanks for the picnic idea. It's not fair on my part to assume entirely that she would pay on her own, but I would not take her out to an expensive restaurant on that assumption alone. She was capable of paying and threw a fit, I left.

However you seem to act on your own assumptions, so save your judgement for when it matters.

Dude, you write that one of your desirable qualities is you're "well off". Yet you won't pay. Lol

She's well off as well, yet she won't pay? Lol

I think the previous poster's point is that being well-off is really not much of a net benefit to a partner if said resources are of no consequence to the relationship or the partner. If you're both at a good economic situation yet going 50/50 the fact that you are also well off doesn't mean much to her and might even register negatively due to social conventions and expectations.

You mention several qualities that are generally perceived in a positive light, but one of these is also a willingness to to share resources, especially in a male/female relationship, as far as I understand it.

Not on the first date with a complete stranger that I have no ties to beyond a phone number.

I hear you. Women in our society have gone mad with too much attention from offline and online worlds. Their entitlement grown at a geometric rate as their attractiveness grows linearly, which by the way can be optimized pretty easily with cheap makeup and high heels.

EDIT: Not all women of course, I have few really smart female friends who don't fall into that category.

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