As a techie who is doing his own thing, I can see why jcampbell would assume English was not your native tongue. Copy writing is really an art form where it's almost a language of its own. Although your sentences may be grammatically correct, the nature in which they are presented seems unnatural.

To be honest, even if you involved an English professor, the outcome would probably be the same. Asking a native English speaker for marketing/copy writing advice is not the right thing to do. Find somebody who is good at copy writing or learn how copy writing works.

Even if you are a native speaker, some outside advice would help.

> "Recruit Top Developers with Feedback-Driven Interviews"

That doesn't make logical sense. Recruiting is about finding candidates. "with interviews" makes no sense in this context.

"Feedback Driven Interviews" means nothing to anyone. Google doesn't know what it means. It is not an industry term. It is bullshit bingo. That never works.

Why not start with "Improve your hiring process by ..."?

I am no copy writing pro, but you need to learn to invert. Become the customer and sell yourself. Write in the active voice.