> "Scala and its supposed (largely academic) benefits"
Perhaps you would like to discuss the "academic" benefits with the likes of Twitter and Foursquare?
> "it just doesn't do anything that Java can't do"
It's a more expressive language. You could argue that Go and Python can't do anything that C or assembler can't do. That doesn't make Python irrelevant.
> "plus the tooling for Java is wayyy better"
In terms of the JVM the tooling is exactly the same. In terms of coding I use IntelliJ for both Scala and Java development, without noticing much difference in quality between the support for either language. In terms of libraries Scala has access to all the libraries that java has as well as additional libraries designed specifically for Scala.
Most (actually all) Java developers that I know grumble when having to code in Java after they are exposed to Scala.