Flat, marriage and family – Why young Indians don’t turn entrepreneurs
abhinavsahai.com
abhinavsahai.com
> These relatives are probably the ones whose kids would have done “nothing” in their lives
The point could have been made without insulting their kids.
> One of my ex girlfriend had started talking about marriage barely when we had graduated ... Of course, she’s happily married and I, having failed 2 startups in the past, am still building another startup! (I hope this post reaches you, lady!)
> In another relationship, [my girlfriend] asked “Abhinav, hum ghar kab lenge?” [Abhinav, when will we buy a home?] That day itself I knew – she wasn’t the one! No wonder that relationship didn’t last long.(I am quite sure you’re reading this!)
Nothing classier than getting on an internet soapbox to tell your exes they were wrong.
> one such highly respected family member told me to look for a career in animation, back in 2007-08. Recently, I met him at another family gathering a few months back and he said “tum animation me kuch kyu nahi try karte?” [Why don't you try something in animation?] I was like…dude? You are still the same! Your thoughts are still stuck where they were 4-5 years back!
The author has, as of that moment, been involved in two failed startups and is working on the third. The other guy, doubting the author's ability to win the startup lottery, helpfully suggests a career in a rapidly-growing industry.
Author's response: Make fun of him for suggesting the same industry twice. Wat.
> graduated from some (worthless) A league institution in India and landed a fat paying job. And believe me these are absolutely good for nothing folks. If you are a startup guy, you already know that, don’t you ;)
I stopped reading after that, it reads like a YouTube comment.
I for one, will never judge anyone who chooses happiness and life balance over career success.
It's the people giving up all those things for a tiny chance at career success that are the insane ones. Those 3 things are non-negotiable to me, and frankly, don't prevent career success.
Either way, what he said is not completely untrue. Obviously India has a very family oriented culture. A lot of educated young people are first generation educated, and thereby there are always expectations. Expectations, that are not just limited to settling down but that also lean towards making people risk averse. Times are changing, but the hangover of the days when people used to join one company right after college (preferably a government job) and retire after 40 years are still here.
Couple that with the fact that our higher education system is pretty much a mess, with very little directly applicable skills taught. And you can see why such questions are part & parcel of life if you have been out of college for 3-4 years.
Not all bad though, the big cities are seeing an enormous number of startup events. I cover startups and have seen very passionate student startups coming out of even Tier2/3 colleges and there are plenty of incubators/accelerators around.
If you are a young aspiring entrepreneur, you will have far more complex things to worry about than an occasional relative asking, "When are you getting married"
Come on guys, this is 2013 and not 2005. There are tons of product startups in Delhi/Bangalore/Pune/Chennai. If you don't find one that works for you, start one on your own.
Sure India isn't the US or Israel. But neither is it the India of 10 years back. Carpe diem!
Maturity has differing definitions in the East compared to the West and personally I think it's a little unfair to make comparisons. What's considered mature in the west can often be considered immature in the east. The youth that belong to ethnic minorities in the west often under go major identity crises, and takes them a very long time to come to terms with it.
Yes, we're in 2013 and there are great start-ups in India, but I'll be the first to tell you these are still huge exceptions to the rule. Things are starting to change, definitely and things are starting to move, but it's still going to take time.
You cannot begin to imagine the pressure young easterners face from their parents and their families to live to the ideals of their parents and extended families. I live in the UK, I could give you over 20 examples of my own life that held me back - Now i've learned to ignore those pressures and am taking corrective action, but believe me it's not easy.
I could give you over a 100 examples of others. Even when living within the West, ethnic minorities have huge pressures from the sub-culture.
It's never good to blame anything or anyone - that I agree with, but to suggest that it's easy to overcome the cultural obstacles would be an unfair statement.
Yet in a world that is being "eaten by software", if young, educated and ambitious software developers are bemoaning centuries-old practices for their inability to take risks, the blame lies closer than they think.
If they can't handle the heat, they shouldn't be in the kitchen. Get a safe, salaried job and shut up. Else cope with it. Society isn't going to change overnight, so stop moaning about it.
I'm sorry if I sound harsh but I'm been seeing more than a few of these whiny posts on HN lately.
Um, the whole point of the post is to blame those three reasons - all external, societal or environmental - for personal decisions that educated and young programmers don't make.
I don't disagree for a second that the only person responsible for their success or lack thereof is that person themselves, but to get to that realisation takes those in the eastern culture much longer. The weight of the emotional baggage is huge.
No Eric Ries, Tim Ferriss or any other 'Start-up Celebrity' is even mentioning it, because it's not even on their radar. If there had been a movement such as the Lean Start-Up movement that had addressed this problem, then those in the East would have recognised this issue much sooner and done something about it. We've had to do this all on our own.
If you haven't experienced it for yourself personally, then taking a stance such as the above is presumptious - and it's not your statement of the facts that perturbs me, it's your lack of empathy.
Edit: Spelling/Grammar
If you're mature, you're able to define maturity and your life goals yourself independently from "the pressure young easterners face from their parents and their families to live to the ideals of their parents and extended families". If you can't - then it's simple, you're not mature yet.
Would you say Prince William lacks maturity because he has to uphold royal values even though at times he may feel it gets a bit too much? Does that make him immature?
He could also choose not to uphold royal values and choose to have a completely different life (as for example, Edward VIII) - and it is entirely his choice to make.
Being a disobedient rebel is an option - and often harder, as family support is very useful and wanted; However, it is orthogonal to maturity.
I'd define maturity as the ability to know if you'd be happier while fitting in your social ties or 'rebelling', and doing so. I'd define immaturity as rashly accepting any of those options without understanding what you are - blindly obeying elders against your own morals would be immature; and regretted rebellion out of spite is clearly also immature.
> Why do Indian devs feel compelled to blame their parents,
> families, wives, society for everything?
Related: I found this comment[1] on the blog post highly amusing:
> Dude!! If only there was some way I could pass this on to my parents and aunts! I’ll send you their email addresses, can you please email them the link to this page?
[1]: http://abhinavsahai.com/flat-marriage-and-family-3-reasons-w...
The difference may just be that Indian's marry younger so it kicks in earlier.
The challenge however is when your wife has a different risk profile, 3 months in of living on the bare minimum, eating noodles/beans everyday she may convince you to get a real job. The challenges faced my married entrepreneurs are different, you have to manage the expectations and sell them on the dream. If your partner is not sold, it can cause probs in the marriage.
Also it can be a serious motivator, you will do anything hustle your way to makr sure you can at least eat and pay the rent.
Other than the capacity for risk and relative poverty elements, two other things I'd throw out there as factors are:
1) Exhaustion: I've two young children and the first few years of their lives I was exhausted most of the time and I know that I wasn't at my best professionally (lack of sleep makes you stupid and forgetful). It really isn't the best state to be risking everything on your own abilities.
2) Balancing work and life: If you're going to have kids you probably want (that's genuinely want rather than feel obliged) to spend time with them. It's different to a lot of other things you might want to do with your time in that there are things you can't say "I'll do later in life". They grow up incredibly quickly in those early years and it's not something you get a second shot at experiencing - you can't go back and see your infant child five years down the line when your business is settled.
And that's before the practicalities of child care and everything else that goes with it...
I would want to add that our education system does not support/encourage a start-up/business/creative mindset.
Even today, most of the bachelors degree courses are oriented towards teaching for and endorsing high grades (just to qualify for jobs and PG entrance exams) rather than developing critical thinking.
"Of course, she’s happily married and I, having failed 2 startups in the past, am still building another startup! (I hope this post reaches you, lady!)"
erm, what?
Flat, marriage and family. That's 2 reasons.
Some style guides promote use of it, some do not.