Tips for Overcoming Shyness at Conferences | Hacker News Reader

Tips for Overcoming Shyness at Conferences

spin.atomicobject.com

71 pointsphilk1022 comments

In the (un)luckily case you have to speak... I memorize word by word the first 2 minutes of the speech, which is usually who am I, the table of contents, and the begin of the first slide (it may seem trivial, but it's often where people judge and classify you as someone to be listen to or a dumb).

This makes me confident that I won't say weird things and completely loose everybody. At the same time, this is enough to get the body relax and used to the audience.

I do this too, but then my confidence takes a dive shortly after that point, and recovers only when I'm making the closing statements.

I tend to write out an entire presentation like a script, and then try and come up with one keyword that would remind me on how to speak on that topic.

Once I have the keywords I then try and incorporate that word into the slide somehow as a memory trigger.

I never expect to recite the script, but having written it out in full allows me to make sure I've hit all the key talking points.

(This technique tends to work for me because I try and reduce the number of words on the slides I use as much as possible)

As a former wallflower who now routinely gets mistaken for an extrovert, I just want to encourage us introverts out there that being social is a skill, just like marketing, programming, or reading. As with any skill, some people are born naturals and others have to work at it a bit more, but you CAN improve if you set your mind to it. The frustrating thing is that often us nerds spent all of high school learning advanced chemistry and how to code in 3 different languages while everybody else spent it improving their social skills (parties!)—so we have to catch up with everybody else.

But you CAN catch up. And it's worth the attempt. Some of my best clients are people I introduced myself to; some of my best friends I met by just throwing myself out there in a large group.

3 years ago nthj was afraid he was wired this way and could never change. If he had just known that eventually he would, I think the struggle would have been a lot easier.

Just curious, how old were you when you made the big switch?

I wonder if it's one of those things that's harder to learn the further along in life you are, like learning a foreign language, learning to code, playing an instrument, etc.?

There's no magic. Sit down and draw up a list of:

    * 5 ice breaker questions (you don't need more, 1 is really enough but us geeks feel guilty reusing conversation where good conversationalists reuse everything all the time)
    * 10 general life stories about you from completely different aspects.

Now practice telling these. Deliver them slower than you think is right because you'll naturally tend to aim for efficiency but what you should aim for is being interesting.

Use open body language in the mirror while practicing.

Smile.

I think anyone can do this really and this puts you in the top 25%. Seriously even normal less techie people are terrible at this too so have heart!

The first point, getting to know people online before meeting them, is super helpful. It's nice to be able to instantly know a few people right when an event starts off.

Right! The problem is sometimes to find out who is coming. That is why FB groups like Y Combinator's Startup School 2013 ( https://www.facebook.com/groups/705664592796188/ ) can be so useful.

I would also suggest volunteering for conference setup/take-down, if possible.

I found the bigget opportunity for conversation was also the most awkward time for me in the past - lunches and breaks at an 8-10 person table. Most people sat around quietly, or talking to people they worked with. I always waited for someone else to start a conversation with me, until I realized most other people are doing the exact same thing, which led to very little conversation. Now, I will try to engage the other people at the table by asking about their job, or the presentations they've seen. Usually people are relived at having someone talk to them without staring the conversation themselves. It does however require taking that first step of initiating, which can be the hardest part.

My #1 tip - if you enjoyed a speaker, search them out and tell them. You'll be likely run into other like minded people who also enjoyed the presentation.

I co-chair O'Reilly's Fluent conference (JS/Web Platform/etc) and we're always trying to come up with ideas to help ease interactions between attendees. I don't know if I should, but I feel a little guilty if I think attendees are not connecting and getting what they want from the event.

A random blast of things I've observed or that we're doing/trying..

I don't know where it originated, but O'Reilly always has 'bird-of-a-feather' (a.k.a. BOF) tables at their events either during registration, at lunch, or in the evening, where people are encouraged to get together to talk on specific topics related to the conference. A lot of people seem to dig these because they remain technical but they pretty much say 'whoever you are, you're welcome here!'

For 2014, we're going to try having actual 'BOF sessions' during the main program on various topics (Angular, Ember, HTML5 gaming, etc) with official teams or representatives present, but the whole goal is just to get attendees together and chatting in an easy, non-threatening environment.

One of the conference team also came up with the idea of trying a 'speed networking' at the last event. It went OK with about 50 people turning up and spending 30 seconds talking to each other person. I found it quite exhausting as an introvert but it definitely made me feel more connected with the attendees.

Another thing we found had a good effect at this year's event was our evening 'Ignite' event (a lightning talk format that has events of its own all over the world). The mood is more informal, drinks are on offer, etc, but there's still a structure to it and some entertaining talks too.

There was also a pre-conference mixer at a local bar but I didn't enjoy this as much because, well, I don't really like drinking or standing around at bars, but I did get to chat to a lot of people.

I've noticed that many attendees actually like a well targeted, friendly-feeling expo/exhibit hall. If the people representing the attending companies are actually in the community or are just genuine, friendly people, they can make for good (but temporary) company. We've run something called the Startup Showcase in the exhibit hall where startups using JavaScript got to show off their products/apps in a chance of winning a prize. I had some of my best tech conversations chatting with all of these folks who were keen to show off their work. I think going even further with the "expo" style of things would work well for us as it's a sort of interaction I personally dig. We also had a giant chess board and similar things set up which brings people together.. watching two competitive researchers from Microsoft playing chess in a 30 minute break is quite something ;-)

I'm mostly sharing these points in case anyone finds them useful in implementing their own extra social activities at formal-ish tech conferences, but I'm also keen to hear what else works at similar events because both I and the O'Reilly conference team are keen to consider new ideas and make the event fun while keeping our eye squarely on the ball of being a serious, tech-focused event.

Sorry for the ramble, but I'd love to hear if any of the ideas click or clash with anyone, as we're always trying to learn and experiment.

Those bird of a feather tables sound like a great idea. I'd love to go to a conference with that kind of setup.

Seconded! I feel like it's hard to strike up conversations at tech events, especially with most people squirrelled away scarfing down mediocre pizza. Having some open-ended topic-based discussions would be great.

Some very good tips. Really work yourself up from small groups. Also you may sometime fall back and start having problems again. I get a shaky voice from time to time. Be gentle to yourself and just laugh it off. If people like you, they will be even friendlier after you've shown some vulnerability, since it makes you real and authentic.

There are also good tips at http://www.slideshare.net/sachac/the-shy-connector - I like "give ppl a reason to talk to you", in the past I've given a unconf talk just to get discussion going.

Also interesting for shy people at conferences: http://www.slideshare.net/mprofs/networking-tips-for-introve...

I actually don't recommend preparing. I believe in odds. I met a couple really interesting people at a recent hackathon. Guys were standing behind me and asked me and my friend question about our conversation.

And I feel like preparing yourself to find new people to talk to at a conference/meetup is kind of weird. I go to meetup to meet new people and learn new things, but I rather do this naturally by immersing myself into the atmosphere. If I don't have anything special to ask / to look for other than attending a talk, I'd just go home. There is nothing wrong with that. It's perfectly fine.

The best time to socialize is before the beginning of a talk and when you are in a line for refreshment like pizza. Haha

I'm sure that works very well for you, but you don't sound like the introverted kind of person that this article was aimed at. Preparing to find new people and talk to them does sound weird when you say it out loud. For people like me, though, just meeting new people is the pinnacle of weird. I need to get myself ready for it or I'll never pull it off.

I don't know if it's right to say we can feel each other's pain. I am not really that shy but definitely not the kind would go up and spark a new conversation every 2 minute with people.

I guess what I disagree with is the notion that "you have to talk to people when you are at a conference or at a meetup."

That's one thing called social pressure. It seems like a norm to get out there and make another friend and make him your twitter follower. That's a reason why people who are not comfortable with public speaking (or comfortable with making friends at larger social place) are even more paranoid.

I really dislike that. I want to tell people: mind your own business and you will bump into interesting people and topics that you can contribute to. You will.

I almost always don't talk to people at a talk because I always feeline my work is less "important" or less poblish / amazing than what other people are doing. That's something I can't get away from.

And it is rather awkward for people randomly approach to people too.

But I think asking questions at a conference/meetup is a great place to start. That's a nice thing to do.

Tip #3 is especially helpful in my experience. These things don't come naturally to us introverts.

Also strongly suggest not doing anything related to body shots (see recent HN postings for details...).

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