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Today's most trendy baristas have nothing but negative things to say about PHP.

Programmers that use PHP would rebut, but they are too busy paying for their drinks using money they make from actually shipping code.

This needs to be on a shirt. (Probably in very small font.)

I would use my money earned by shipping PHP code to buy that shirt, regardless of ridiculously small font size. Para. 1 on front, Para. 2 on back.