How to fake courage

This might blow your mind or it might not, but there's a medicine called Propanolol that can basically eliminate the elevated pulse/shaking/sweats. Performers sometimes use it to combat stage fright. It's nonaddictive and doesn't affect your cognitive skills.

We sometimes get into a feedback loop of: fight-or-flight kicks in, brain freaks out which pushes fight-or-flight further, which freaks out our brain even further, etc. Propanolol short circuits the physiological side, so you're only battling your brain (instead of your brain and your body feeding off each other).

I had a bout of anxiety last year sparked by an unpleasant situation, and therapy helped but the fight-or-flight responses were absolutely crippling. My MD and therapist both suggested the medicine, so I gave it a shot and it's wonderful. I liken it to an armor on my body's responses. My mind may get freaked out but when my body doesn't react in kind, it's easy now with practice to settle down.

Anyway, sounds like you may have figured out your own solution, but I'm leaving this here for you or anyone else who might find it useful. Cheers.

“Bran thought about it. 'Can a man still be brave if he's afraid?' 'That is the only time a man can be brave,' his father told him.”

If you are trembling before public speaking is probably adrenalin. It is hard in the first minutes. But it is good for you, it makes you more alert, smarter and better overall. It is just difficult at the beginning, but once you start talking, it fades away and you will feel better. Keep that in mind.

I remember one time... it might have been the second of these presentations I ever gave, I think? I was just really nervous at the beginning of the presentation. I don't know why it happened then as opposed to the first time or the third time, but for whatever reason, that's when it happened. And I could tell my voice was quavering in a way that had to be obvious to everyone, so it was like the sort of public speaking moment that people who are scared of public speaking are afraid of. It was pretty nerve wracking.

So basically all I did was force myself to keep going, quavering and all. The audience was completely sympathetic -- they were at the conference to learn about our software, so they wanted me to succeed at telling them about it. So even if it started out rocky, they were paying attention. And after a couple of minutes of not getting booed out of the room, I managed to settle down, get my voice under control, and make everything go more smoothly the rest of the way.

Now that I know what can happen if public speaking goes badly, and know that it's almost certainly going to be ok even if it does, I don't let it stress me as much. I still get nervous, but it's never any sort of paralyzing fear or anything. I know if I just find a way to keep going, I can probably make it work out ok.

That's actually true of an awful lot of things in life.

I can tell you that I am, for what that's worth.

2 cents analysis on things: with objects I can try fail and try again with no fear of hurting (both ways) or trying again, and most things I learn is relatively stable, with people everything is very informal, random, ad-hoc, arbitrary, absurd. It's hard to keep in mind the small but valuable beauty of relating to someone, it's often under a fat layer of "fakery" but it seems they all click, admit and understand it while I drown under this accidental complexity.

Regarding the inability to write essays, I also have that problem where I feel like nothing is coming to me and I don't really know how to start. I have recently been tested and it appears that I have a learning disability (something memory related).

But man is it exhausting! All the micromangaging, analyzing, calibrating, and mental preparation. I often require more sleep as a result, guess the brain needs that to adapt.

Related vid: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ks-_Mh1QhMc

Then I bought a bar--a little neighborhood bar, where it's slow--and worked behind the bar for two years.

It fixed me. Now I feel relaxed just to be me.

I don't think everyone can spend two years behind a bar, but maybe there's something similar you can do. For me it was just lots of forced interaction with all levels of acquaintance, for hours per day, until I became good at social interaction and began to relax.

I also grew up mostly without friends. The weirdest thing for me though was that as a toddler, I was extremely social and friendly. Then through a series of occurrences I ended up on the other end of the spectrum. My family moved all the time and I barely ever had any friends. I was happiest when reading. I read incessantly, constantly - often hiding in the bathroom to read because my mom wanted me to do school work. Haha.

It was strange though because I read fiction exclusively. It was a way for me to find friends, even though fake ones.

I left home in grade 11 (Junior year of high school) for a boarding school. I was super excited to make hundreds of friends now that I was finally going to be among more people my age, living with them. It turned out to be a disaster. I had always wanted friends but I had never learned to socialize. It was a hard 2 years of rejection, pranks, people constantly laughing at me. In a high end school in Delhi girls who don't know how to dress, do their hair, take care of themselves, are BIG jokes. :-/ To be fair, I was not smoothest operator aside from that either.

After that I got into Stanford for college and that was probably the biggest blessing I got. Suddenly I was around people who were more like me. Yay! But I faked a lot to fit in and be "normal". I tried really hard to be interesting. I still only managed to make a few friends but I wasn't a pariah.

Then desire struck. I decided I wanted to fulfill my dream of being a "leader" and ran for student government. That was one of the times in my life that I faked it till I made it. I was the friendliest, best looking self I have ever been. As I was going through the election campaign, I wondering if this faking was worth it.

I didn't really realize then but that experience changed me forever. The faking stopped feeling fake. I now feel much more empathetic and social with people. Similar to the person who commented below about running a bar to change his behavior and comfort level, its almost like I needed practice to civilize myself haha.

Anyway, in summary, I feel like faking is shitty when you are going through it but can have really good long term behavior changes. Its all about emulating the right behaviors.

>Awhile back I was this fat, neckbearded kid in my mothers basement coding and gaming. Realized I'm trash at interacting on the most basic levels with people. Lost all the weight, got strong, got decently good looking,

You took action! That is something to be proud of. So, so, so many people never take action. They think they can't change, they think that's simply the 'way they are'.

>Every outing I need to mentally and physically prepare for, I can't just "go out" and be with people.

Isn't this a bit obvious? Seriously, what are you expecting? Do you think a person that has used a computer a couple of times in their lives is going to feel secure & confident. Do you think they will know all the shortcuts, know what to do and when, do you think everything will come naturally to them?

Of course not! Using computers, just like interacting socially, is a _skill_. Skills take practice. Being a social butterfly is not "normal". What is normal is that people who practice a skill gradually become better at it. So accept that you have not put in as many hours into social interactions as some other people. But you can, and it seems that you're catching up.

>I don't really know who I truly am because all my mannerisms are borrowed from various people, movies, figures, friends. No movement or expression is my own and it's difficult to cope with.

Your "own"? Everyone takes the things they do and know from people around it. Just because you're doing this at a point in your life where you're consciously aware of it, doesn't make it "worth any less" or weird.

I'm only replying because I can identify 100% with what you said. I do the same things, micro-analysing what everyone else is doing? Yep. Feeling insecure around other people? Yep. Wanting to be alone? Yep. Not feeling "normal"? Yep.

I think the only difference is that I'm pushing to accept who I am. (I am who I am, there's reason why I am the way I am, and that's ok. Negative self-talk will harm, rather than help me.) There is no "normal". Everyone is insecure to some extent. You can become less insecure by practice whatever you're insecure at.

Go see a psychiatrist. They will be able to help you. If you're not opposed to them, psychedelics have also helped me (personally with some aspects of this)

Feel free to ask questions

I don't dance, because I am afraid of being judged the way I analyze others. I don't show emotion or affection (much, I am a lot older and a little better now) in public, for the same reason. I remember every single time I've attempted a social interaction and it went poorly -- they stick with me more than anything else. When I see someone naturally at ease, I am immediately envious and trying to glean any hints of how I should act. I also feel like a construct of all those people around me -- I can look back over the last 20 years and see the phases of my life. It's like I became different people in different places, different jobs. Whatever it took to be normal, to fit in.

I don't know about others, but you're not alone. It made me feel better reading your comment and knowing I am not alone. Thank you.