Girl’s Suicide Points to Rise in Apps Used by Cyberbullies

Wow, the bully held onto it for 12 years? That's amazing. Have you thought of putting up the tale, on that domain, of what happened to you?

Wondered the same. Her mom closed her facebook acct and took other measures, and the girl went back to other sites. I suppose that if there is a massive concentration of social activity online and you want to be part of it you will endure the bullying rather than be an outcast. Very complicated situation, I'm sure. Can victims become addicted to the attention, even if it is negative?

See link given below where the sister of a girl who completed suicide described the "addictiveness" of social media apps.

> it might not seem this simple

Quite.

Someone feels sad and alone. Social media might be the channel for abuse and bullying, but it might also be where their friends are.

When you're a young person, peer pressure and need for peer acceptance/interaction is a powerful force that can defy rational action. Young people have limited perspective beyond the immediate social environments of their family and friends.

If all of the interaction at school is in these virtual spaces they may be compelled to try and socialize in the hope of peer acceptance.

Loneliness and social needs can be hard to deal with for some kids and the hope of positive interaction may drive them to keep trying to reach out to their peers even in the face of vicious bullying.

You must not have been a teenage girl lately. To be fair, neither have I, but:

Teenage girls will do ANYTHING to ensure they remain part of the social milieu they want to be in. Going into hermit mode and ignoring everyone else isn't an option that teenage girls are good at conceptualizing.

From what I've tried learn about, the problem is NOT only the cyber-bulling...

It is the whole society that is sick, for several reasons (most of these, do not matter now).

But thinking short-term and about a single individual, usually the reason why a individual keeps going online and attracting bullies, is that other stuff is broken on his life, for example that individual might be extremely lonely, giving rise to "attention whoring" behaviour (that quickly attract bullies).

I once made friendship with a girl that was a unhealthy amount of time online, even weirder, she started to treat me like the responsible person for her, even with we living 1500 miles apart... Over time I discovered her father was a dead-beat sort of guy, and her mother was extremely tyrannical, yet kinda lazy, refusing to take her to the doctor for example when she discovered she had yeast infection.

More digging on her life, trying to understand some of her bizarre behaviour, and I found out that her extended family abused her when she was around 4 to 8 years old, including people that were cops and supposed to be moral compass, the environment already her was entirely toxic, she for example regularly participated in lucrative (for her) pyramid schemes and believed them to be legitimate and normal, when I explained what it was, she was confused, and did not wanted to believe the community she was living was dishonest, later more question asked, I figured that she really lived in a kind of cesspool of dishonesty and backstabbing, with everyone being more or less friendly on the front, but always ready to backstab in name of survival, the place was poor, people used stolen electricity, internet was ran by a illegal ISP, her father ran a unlicensed bar on the lowest floor of her home, and bar brawls inside were common...

It became clear to me, that what drove her to attract bullies on internet, was desperation, she was stuck physically in a hard to leave place (a bus to the city downtown was 30 minute walk away, and then it was a 2 hour trip in difficulty terrain, also her parents forbid her from taking a bus anyway, she never used a bus and was already a adult), the only confort she had, was that sometimes random strangers on internet cared for her (like me), but obviously, seeking random hero strangers on internet, is also a very fast way to find random villain strangers (some that even might look like heroes on first glimpse).

There are different types of cyberbullying. If they are just sending your threatening messages you may just be able to close the account. But if you are actually frightened by the threat associated with the messages, you may feel more scared by not reading them.

Other types of cyberbullying play out in the real world, but still in a way you can't confront the bullies. For example if there an anonymous Twitter account that posts nasty rumors about you. You can cancel Twitter, but everyone else can read it.

Now as adults we can say, "Big deal", but think back to when you were 15. How tough would it be to have mean things broadcast to everyone at the school everyday about you.

It's not as simple as just shutting down accounts. The bully can contact those that know the target, spurring them on to continue abuse. Consider the case of Amanda Todd:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Suicide_of_Amanda_Todd

There's a theory circulating that some victims of online bullying might be engaging in a form of self harm, by deliberately exposing themselves to situations in which they know they will be victimised.

http://www.newstatesman.com/2013/08/reality-askfm-self-harm

You have to realize that for teenagers all their lives are on the Interwebs. So it’s not just about closing your account on some service and move on. You have an account on Facebook with your real name and all your friends are there. Shutting down the account is like been grounded at home with no access to Internet. For youngsters, Facebook is the Internet.

Besides closing down the account doesn’t mean that there won’t be shit said about you, it just means that you won’t know it directly. But one way or the other it will reach you.

Furthermore, you have to understand that bullying is aimed towards the weak ones. If you have a strong character sure you can ignore it. But for a young girl with low self esteem this could ruin their lives.

Bullying was always around but in an interconnected world it becomes a menace for those afflicted. I for one would like some stronger legislation on this.

Kathy Sierra's experiences are very relevant. She didn't just log off; she fled her career and home. "What happened to me pales in comparison to what’s happening to women online today," Sierra said. "I thought things would get better. Mostly, it’s just gotten worse."

(http://pastebin.com/cfNvRDgS and http://www.theverge.com/2013/9/12/4693710/the-end-of-kindnes...)

This isn't a solution. The bully usually knows the victim, so this solution is the equivalent of "just stop hanging out with people". The world has changed since we were kids; communication today is mostly digital. And if the bullying didn't happen online, it would happen in person.

It's just the same problem we've had before, inflicting a new domain. The solution will be the same as always: Active intervention, both towards the perpetrators and the victims.

How? The parents wouldn't even know. Sounds like you want to legislate a certain parenting rigor involving a high level of parental involvement.

I'm even more strict than you: Even their uncles and up to their third cousins. And death penalties for them. Because everyone controls their teenage kids with a remote control, and if all fails they get beat some sense into them without repercussions.

Frankly even CTOs of social companies, app makers or search engines should be at least held civilly responsible. Without them it wouldn't have happened.

> they are actually sending the messages to themselves, just like what ask.fm said about that girl that committed suicide

What are you referring to? I did not see this in the article.

> Is it acceptable for hackers' culture these days?

Yes, paying for content that you consume is generally acceptable. Or working out a method to circumvent the paywall.

That and don't give kids unmonitored access to the internet and text-capable cell phones. There's really no reason at all for them to have those things, aside from "everyone else does."

I know I'm in the minority here, but my offspring will only have smartphones when they are old enough to buy them and pay for their plans themselves.

I raised 3 daughters, I was tremendously fortunate in that my wife was able to manage home schooling them through their middle school years. (Trust me, nobody asks "but what about interactions with other kids" when we're talking about middle school :-). We also always had dinner together and both my wife and I had a set of 'ice breakers' if you will which if the kids weren't talking we'd bring out. And we'd ask the negative questions too (what was the worst thing about today?) But generally talking, starting from a young age, and working very very hard to keep trust levels high helped (not perfect but nothing is). And I gave my girls monitored access to the Internet (not in their rooms, but in a common area). That too was a subject of discussion and negotiation. (my eldest loved to write up contracts we would all sign).

The common theme though is it takes active parenting, and for some parents it is hard to see the 'value' of being involved in their kids lives. And part of that is never excepting "oh its nothing." as an answer. Easy to say, hard to do.

This mother actually did close facebook, even moved her kid to a new school. She did quite a bit more than many parents would have and it still wasn't enough. I don't think it is reasonable to put a 24/7 multi-year, constant surveillance burden on the average parent.

And what about enforcement? So you see bad stuff on your kid's phone repeatedly...in the end all you can do is take it away. Then they go to the computer. Then you take that away. Then they stay after school to use the computers there. Really I don't expect the symptom mitigation solutions to be very effective.

I'm sure that's illegal in most places.