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Comment by teemujin | Hacker News Reader

Ouch...I actually spend more time with my family than I would if I was working a regular 9-5. We are together since I work at my laptop near them. But yes I am busy a lot... thats the point of the writing I guess.

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"Spending time" doesn't actually mean you're really present though does it? Not trying to sound harsh, but it's something I've examined a lot in my family relations as well. It reminds me of the dads at the playground who are having conversations on their cell phones while their kids are trying to interact with them. They're spending time with their kids, but are they "there"?

Thanks for writing though. I think too many people think success will happen within the first year or so and don't realize there are often pivots and things don't often go ... as planned.

Yes you are right.. I am partially absent during my time with the kids.. there but not all there. I wish I could tell you I was the picture perfect version of a dad... but Im not - and to me being a dad is an everyday struggle to get it right...but that being said - my version of whats right and yours are probably very different...My dad was busy all the time too - he flew choppers in the Army... he went on TDY ( long term duty ) / he worked over weekends ( MEDIVAC )... he was busy as hell and yea sometimes he was grouchy.... but dammit he was a great dad..and I love the hell out of him...he was real with me...always... he let me know that the world is not all pretty smelling roses and sometimes you get your ass handed to you... maybe thats why I am the way I am now? dunno.. I hope to teach my kids the same kind of survival skills my parents taught me... do what you must do to survive and succeed on your own terms... be a real person... strive to stay honest and seek what is good in your heart. Thats all I'm doing here... if I've sacrificed being a 'great dad' - well... hopefully my wonderful kids and wife will forgive me for trying... my goal is to get to a place where I do have much more freedom and time with them...and I'd never trade the time Ive had with them thusfar... being an at home dad... even if it meant laptop glued to my fingers... has not been all that terrible in my pov. cheers.

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