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Comment by goforthbebold | Hacker News Reader

I value your opinion. I am actually not saying the barriers aren't real. I am saying focusing on them does not usually lead to the solution for those faced with them as I have been. I am the woman who wrote the article. The point is when you focus on them you don't see the exits to the problem. You see barriers. When you start looking on other things you can change you accel. I understand that focusing on those external sources outside of ourselves doesn't usually lead to a change in outcome. Observing them and moving around them, does. So no I won't lean in, because I stand up. I could care less if you have heard of me or my company. I am not going to wait until I have 500 million dollars to speak my mind.

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There's a significant difference between reinforcing a barrier by focusing on it too hard, and acknowledging that there are barriers that can't necessarily be overcome by self confidence.

Self confidence won't prevent you from being treated like a sex object by your peers at conferences. It won't do anything to resolve the issue that women are judged more heavily on past accomplishments where men are judged for their potential. It's great that confidence has worked for you, but this is a dangerous message to spread to the people erecting the barriers to begin with.

If a man treats me as a sex object in a professional setting, I will correct him to his face, consequences be damned because I am confident to know there will be another opportunity. So while I understand your objection to my focus on confidence, I object to your lack of how much push any one individual can have in this world. I am supporting maximizing human potential and you are confusing that with worrying about what is easy. I am focused on what is possible. You are spreading fear and that is the most dangerous pill anyone can swallow because it paralyzes.

You are awesome and we need more people like you. I've gotten so sick of all the rants lately about how unfair women in tech are treated, it's great to read one that's actually encouraging people instead of trying to convince them everyone is out to get them.

Why do you seem to think that acknowledging obstacles that may be gender-related is spreading fear? It is not inappropriate to know that Mr X never listens to the ladies, so go talk to Mr Y. That's not fear, but knowledge. Ignoring problems will not make them go away. Pretending that the problem is something other than it is is just lying to yourself.

It feels more empowering to pretend gender doesn't matter, but eventually there will be a situation where it does and the truth will matter in how you deal with it.

Such knowledge instills fear. You're right in that there will be a situation where gender matters, but you are also right in that it is eventual. Stressing the eventual sculpts the event.

Might as well feel empowered the other 99% of the time.

I find it interesting that so many folks find the mere mention of the possibility of sexism in some cases to be "stressing" its existence. Makes conversation difficult, which I suppose is the goal.

This argument that knowledge makes you fearful is a terrible argument and a total projection. Why do you assume that my acknowledging the existence of sexism means I feel disempowered? That's just weird. I see the sky; it's blue; I go about my day. I see sexism; it's there; I go about my day. I see poverty on the bus, war in Syria when I read the news, and climate change when I go hiking in the woods. Sucky things are true and suck. Your idea that they must lead to fear and disempowerment is certainly not universal. It's part of the human condition to see sucky and unfair things and then grapple with those truths. It's what life on earth is about. Avoiding knowledge is also what some humans do, but I don't see how that's to be celebrated.

There's a lot of inference going on here that acknowledging the way things are inherently implies fear and worry which for myself personally is entirely false.

I've encountered various barriers, and I've encountered some of the same barriers more than once when my tactics to overcome them have failed. Ceasing to acknowledge that they're there doesn't mean that I'm sitting around somewhere paralyzed with worry. Throwing away all knowledge of what's failed, what's worked for other people, and so on and so forth and replacing it with More Self Confidence! however, I suspect would ultimately be just as ineffective as puttering around as a defeated emotional mess.

Maybe it's helped her that she's a product designer rather than a developer. That's the sort of career that we get mistaken as having. Maybe living in the Bay area helps. Either way, the article is a very simplistic view that realistically is tactic number one for many of us when we start to realize in first year computer science what we've gotten ourselves into. It doesn't take long at all for it to be clearly apparent that it's not going to be enough.

Both sides of this conversation are so compelling, I can't really disagree with either. This clarifies why Political Correctness is both sickening and necessary.

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