I'm 23, An Entrepreneur, and Fucking Terrified. | Hacker News Reader

I'm 23, An Entrepreneur, and Fucking Terrified.

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57 pointszhamilton8981 comments

I don't like judging people based on their age. It seems like a really blunt instrument that unfairly groups people together who do not belong there. But as someone who is only just pushing 30, I can say that you are talking the same kind of nonsense I did in my early 20s.

"To all of the people who say that the best thing to do is get a good job, buy a nice house, and to put the max into a 401k that the company will match: Fuck you. It’s not what I want. Mediocrity is worse than failure."

Mediocrity is not worse than failure. Try being homeless. Except when you say 'failure' you mean "maybe I'll have to move back in with my parents". You have an enormous safety net allowing you to be so disdainful of "mediocrity", don't take it for granted.

Stop romanticising driving yourself into the ground. Stop thinking you are better than your peers that have "sold out" by taking (gasp) jobs. It sounds like you've lived life very much on your own terms until now, but life doesn't work that way indefinitely. At some point you have to make compromises in order to achieve what you want. Deal with it.

Take a job as a developer. You'll make good money. Make sure it isn't for a demanding startup. Something that guarantees exiting the office at 5pm every day. Then go home and work on your startup. Plough your free time into your startup, and when you have enough of a ramp you can quit your day job and transition to the startup full time.

You are not a unique butterfly that is owed the opportunity to only ever do exactly what you want.

To back up your point, in what world is having a good job, nice house, and large retirement savings "mediocre"?

Quite. The startup world can be very dangerous that way- when your definition of success is "being Mark Zuckerberg" then being anything less than a millionaire is "mediocre".

Your startup is statistically all but guaranteed to fail. Your life will be "mediocre" yet it will continue to be the kind of life that millions of people aspire to and are unable to reach. When looked at objectively, your life will be "pretty damn nice", no matter how much inner turmoil you feel about it.

When you come from the country club life (first paragraph) it is indeed mediocre.

I'll toss in the counterpoint that having kids that are thrilled to see you, even if you live in a tiny apartment, is anything but mediocre.

The OP seems to have a lot of priorities out of whack.

> The OP seems to have a lot of priorities out of whack.

Hands up everyone who had their priorities in life sorted by the of 23? (Mine is down).

Point taken. :-) Mine is down too.

Agreed. As a new father, having the chance to go home at a reasonable hour and have your kids smile at you can be a significant benefit that one would gladly take over increased compensation or options.

This is probably the biggest question mark I have about my own choices. I've chosen to live my life focused on achieving my vision of a "not mediocre" life, and I've sacrificed a lot of things along the way: settling down, getting married, having kids, etc.

So when I go home and visit my friends, and watch them playing with their kids and kissing their wives, etc., there's always a pang of regret that says "you could have gone this route instead". But, of course, as they say "the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence", blah, blah.

But I never wanted to start a family until I was in a position to give them the kind of life that I would want them to have.

Anyway, getting married and doing all that is potentially still in the cards. Time will tell, I suppose.

Never too old, and best to wait until you're ready. Just like not everyone is ready to do a start-up today, not everyone is ready for kids today. Better to be mentally and financially prepared. But if you do an even halfway decent job as a parent, your kids won't care how rich their parents are.

To back up your point, in what world is having a good job, nice house, and large retirement savings "mediocre"? reply

When you come from the country club life (first paragraph) it is indeed mediocre.

I would consider that mediocre as well, and I grew up about as far from "country club" life as you can get. As in, dirt-poor, below-the-poverty-line, white-trash from rural southeastern NC.

Of course, some of that is that we constantly raise the bar for ourselves (well, I do anyway). Maybe the scenario above would have sounded like heaven to me when I was 20, but it doesn't now. Just the "job" part gives me the creeps. I, for one, don't want a traditional "job" at all. My standard of the line between mediocre life and successful life involves a big element of being able to control my own fate to a greater degree, and some ability to call my own shots. Translated, that means running a company I own, not working for somebody else.

The OP seems to have a lot of priorities out of whack.

Meh. Who are we to judge? A person's priorities are their priorities... there is no "right" or "wrong" on this.

I would argue that having your own company just shifts the control from your boss to your customers. The one difference is you now have more control over resources.

My dad, the sole attorney in his private practice firm, put it this way: "When you work a job, you have one boss. When you own a company, you have hundreds."

I would argue that having your own company just shifts the control from your boss to your customers.

Absolutely. But, personally, I would find that preferable. There's a big difference from having to be accountable and responsive to "the market" in the aggregate (and especially when you consider that you can "fire" a bad customer) and having a "boss" - one individual who has you under his/her thumb and can unilaterally order you around.

> It sounds like you've lived life very much on your own terms until now,

It sounds like he's getting his very first dose of reality, and it's putting him into a state of shock.

I'm 24 and I agree with you 100%.

Entrepreneurship isn't a lifestyle I suggest to anyone, however, it is a great tool/means to fulfil something you want. Approaching it from the view of avoiding mediocrity is not only gonna put you in the difficult 'lifestyle' column, but it will also not be a very useful perspective for your entrepreneurial goals either. If you're really committed to living the entrepreneurial lifestyle, the best way to view it is as a journey to greatness: aspire to be with the best, not to avoid the 'average'. The former gives you hope and encouragement, while the latter is insulting to the those around you. If you're using entrepreneurship as a means to an end (like I am), it'll still be hard, but once you have that perspective it becomes easier to lay out a path for yourself regardless of the circumstances.

I've been snuffed out of jobs by friends I helped hire, I've had relationships fall apart to the point of becoming suicidal, I have no medical insurance and have endured multiple visits to the ER, I've had my apartment robbed and then got promptly kicked out because new roommates decided to get overly rowdy while I was gone, I've been shot at in broad daylight, I've unintentionally contracted with shady characters that fled the country and left me empty handed with silly lawsuits and court dates that I had to go out of my way to forfeit, I've been identity thefted losing all my money just as rent was due along with some of those ER bills, I haven't had more than 4 figures in my bank account for about half a year, my credit cards are maxed, I've had most of my belongings locked up in a storage unit for over 2 years because of these fiascos, and I'm now back to living with my parents because I couldn't afford to continue living on my own after quitting a job at a startup that required an overly-long commute that took a toll on my health to the point where I developed muscle spasms and began getting panic-attacks in the middle of the workday.

But you know what? It's all good. All that stuff might have been hell and made me nearly hysterical at points, but I know what my end goal is, and I know entrepreneurship is the only way I'll ever achieve it. If shit gets in my way, oh well, I'll just come up with a new plan to adjust for it (and I already have). I don't care about 'mediocrity', I just care that I achieve what I set out to do, because that's what makes me happy, and the only way I'll ever fail is if I give up pursuing it.

>> Take a job as a developer. You'll make good money. Make sure it isn't for a demanding startup. Something that guarantees exiting the office at 5pm every day

I have not worked in a developer shop yet, so this may not translate over, but in any of my other jobs (which were stable and not for startups) the idea of leaving the office at 5pm was ridiculous most of the time. Even if I did manage it, nothing stopped a 8pm email from giving me 2 more hours of work. Same with going on vacation, especially if you're the only one in a company who has a certain skill.

The 9-5 itself is dead and competition mandates working hard. Not startup hard, but not 1960's stereotype clock punching easy. When you look at it that way, why not put a year or four into playing a lottery that you can actually influence the outcome of?

>> You are not a unique butterfly that is owed the opportunity to only ever do exactly what you want.

Plenty agreed, and while I legitimately appreciate the snark/slight Fight Club reference, where did he say he is owed the opportunity? I believe he stated that whether given or earned he has the opportunity. There was no normative judgement on how he came about it other than guilt for it not being more austere.

Edit: grammar.

A software development job should require 40 hours and no more a week. If it doesn't, then you're either being mismanaged, don't know how to protect your time, or overcompensating for lack of experience. The answer to the first is to find another job. The answer to the second is to learn how to say 'no' diplomatically, and the third is to focus harder on craft and less on production.

Working more than 40 hours as a developer is not doing you or the company any favors, it's perpetuating a myth that overwork is virtuous. It will not make you more productive or make your company any more money. At the end of it all, you'll just be tired.

a) Why is 40 hours the magic number and not more or less?

b) Isn't the 40 hour work week pretty much a relic of industrial development? What about 40 means "virtuous"?

Nothing magic about the number. You could probably do the job in much fewer hours if you're very focused. But I find it hard to maintain that level of focus for a significant period of time.

But you definitely don't need more.

"To all of the people who say that the best thing to do is get a good job, buy a nice house, and to put the max into a 401k that the company will match: It’s not what I want. Mediocrity is worse than failure."

Cool. Then if/when you want to retire and have no savings, don't go dipping into my 401k. I'm 100% for you making your decisions and wish you nothing but the best. But when it's time to pay the piper, your kids are getting ready for college and you have to tell them you can't afford to help them at all, you live with that.

Obviously there's a case where you hit the jackpot and become insanely wealthy. I wish this for you, but reality is that it probably won't happen.

Live with your decisions, for better or worse. But in 15 years, let's not be having a conversation where you're whining about not being able to afford a house, or not being able to pay for your kids' college, etc. And when you go to retire, please don't vote for taxes being raised on my 401k to pay for your retirement.

I relate to you a lot, so if I'm harsh towards you I'm really just being harsh to myself.

You're not really saying anything. You're describing your emotional state, but that's it. You say you're afraid, but you're not actually getting to the root of your fear. Sure, you don't want mediocrity. Who does, anyway? (Rhetorical question.)

Is this just a pep-talk? If so, all the best to you, live long and prosper, focus, work hard, all that good stuff. But I have a feeling that you have something you want to be addressing, but you're not actually doing it.

I'm 23 too. I'm married to my childhood sweetheart and we have a home. I have a great job doing marketing in a tech firm. Her heart's desire is to travel. I'd like to take her around the world, and write novels and essays about whatever MY heart desires. But I too have bills to pay (and my job's awesome, anyway, so what's my problem?) And I too am afraid that my ambitions and vision for myself and reality might not be easy to swallow, and/or that I might hurt people along the way. I've already cut ties with some of my closest friends.

Here's a guess that's going to sound a little pessimistic, but it's just a guess and I could be totally wrong, and it's more about me than it is about you- but I think you're going to find yourself returning to this exact same position several times.

Not sure why I'm writing this, being messy and jumbled and all, but it's probably the same reason why you wrote your post. So, uh, here it is.

Life's crazy. You're crazy. I'm crazy. Cheers to that. Once you're done analysing and reviewing your emotional state, though, don't forget to get around to doing the work- because that's what actually matters, and that's what people will actually want to read about, pay you for, etc. That's the real legacy you'll build.

Getting married, particularly when you're the primary earner, does an awful lot for your perspective. You can't be so cavalier as the author when somebody depends on you to put food on the table, and that's usually a good thing (especially in terms of relating to the rest of the world that is wrapped up in family life).

That it does. It almost immediately made me realize how much of my earlier thinking was narcissistic, romanticized, self-entitled bullshit.

I'm finding this an interesting position to be in now, because I completely relate to OP, but I also... don't. It's like hearing a teenage boy telling you how much he's well and truly in love with a girl he met that afternoon. You don't want to falsely encourage him, but you don't want to cruelly discourage him either... just trying to be helpful in some way, if that's in any way possible. Cause I think I could've used some help then.

Being an "Entrepreneur" is about one thing only: solving others' problems. Everything else is window dressing or worse, diversions.

This rant includes all kinds of stuff about "me", "my life", "my philosphies", "my problems", "my future", "my", "my", "my"...

Where's mention of others, their problems, and the solutions?

OP may call himself "An Entrepreneur", but supplies no data to support that claim. Sadly, an all-too-often recurring theme these days.

Oh god. Don't do this. Don't go out like a meteor. It's romantic and exciting... and stupid. There's a time when every doctor has to look at the clock and call the time of death, and you have to do that for your startup. Remember the "be honest with yourself" rule? It's part of that. Be brave.

To give up is not defeat; it's rallying. Maybe at Accenture you'll learn your future customers, find something to enhance, or exploit. You don't know. But above all you have to be honest with yourself and why you wanted this: are you the driver and the company the car, or are you the car and the company the driver?*

*In other words, is the company what is trying to be delivered and you're just taking it there, or do you want to go somewhere and the company is the means to do that.

If you are really going to devote 100% of your time you can't have this mentality. Typical white, wealthy, suburban nerd who identified himself by his possessions and not by his accomplishments. To be an entrepreneur you have to be fearless, you need to realize the risk and mitigate, you need to identify your weakness and strengthen it. Enough of this I have everything and im scared of losing it mentality, stop crying, you will be fine.

An entrepreneur must have heart and passion. If you have time to think about these things your not busy enough. Focus on your business and the problems your business faces. YOU are the business. you life should be the business. Your personal problems don't matter. run and don't look back. Do not compare yourself to anyone but your competitors. Be strong, live on.

Reading the title my first thought is, "You should be."

Reading the first paragraph I think, "Here's a spoiled brat complaining"

When I read, "We move higher, we fly faster, we get meaner." I start to lose sympathy. It's another of "Woe unto me, the underappreciated superstar from the country club."

What's wrong with 9 to 5ing, learning more, and doing your own thing on your own time for a while. There's NOTHING wrong with that. Don't buy into the romantic notion that you have to give 110% to your startup or it's not worth doing. Pragmatism is ok. Pragmatism is not mediocrity. Don't confuse the two. There's a lot of hyperbole and rhetoric in the startup world. Don't buy into it. Plenty of startups have been launched (and done well) in people's "off time".

And there's got to be a middle ground, where you could earn some income reliably (freelancing part-time) without being a 9-5'er. 90% business, 10% working for someone else to pay the bills.

I'm 26, work a 9-5, then do freelance work in my spare time.

It's heaven. I have 3 jobs right now, one of which is a full time salaried gig with benefits, and the other two are moderate contract positions that I work in my spare time.

There is no stagnation here. I code on easy stuff at work all day, then go home and explore technologies that a BigCo will never use. Down the road when looking for another job, there just won't be big roadblocks, just a massive list of code and projects completed.

I am young, just out of university, had a passion for writing, did a major-cs-minor-literature.

Now I do 9 to 5, and write after work. Life is good for me and I am happy because I love my work and after-work.

The purist obsession that you need to be 100% devoted to something is beyond me, but like I said, I am happy and know that I am happy because I knew this would make me happy.

The OP has a different opinion of happiness, and it's his happiness, and I don't find it offensive.

It's not so much his opinion of happiness, but his looking-down on other opinions of happiness.

exactly. that's why I'm rather unsettled by the article. However, I've seen a little too many of young-and-ambitious kinds that I've gotten used to them by now. Whether that's a good thing or bad is not for me, though.

> The idea of three twenty-somethings in a studio apartment, writing code and eating ramen is romantic to entrepreneurs.

Really? Maybe to aspiring entrepreneurs in their teens and very early twenties, that sounds romantic. To everyone else, that likely sounds awful.

You're 23. You don't really know anything yet. Maybe a little, but not much. You're parents aren't in charge now, you're out of school, and now you're going to learn about life. And you're arriving at the same realizations that most people do around that age. You're figuring out that living your dream has real costs. You're figuring out that your adult relationships will suffer, hard. You'll see your peers move up the corporate ladder, and it'll feel like you're just watching from the sidelines. And if you go the 9-5 (let's be honest, more likely an 8-6), they're going to be your boss someday.

But you're also 23. You're incredibly young, and you still have time to mess up. And you'll have the rest of your life to run the rat race, if that's what you one day choose.

So stop stressing, but do get your priorities straight. You'll need to work within the constraints set by your priorities.

The biggest constraint might be your relationship. It's normal that your girlfriend doesn't share in your dream of ramen noodles and Three Buck Chuck. And it doesn't get easier, especially if she wants kids. If you're in a promising relationship, maybe you're realizing that it matters more to you than your work. On the other hand, relationships come and go, often unpredictably. You have to figure out how to handle that for yourself.

Good luck!

I am 25, eating ramen, living with lots of people in a cramped house, and seeing my money get burned paying debts.

I have a startup because lack of choice (here in Brazil programmers are very badly paid, and I don't figured yet how to move... most countries has some weird requeriment or another that I cannot meet).

It is not romantic at all, it suck.

5 years ago my dream was have a 9-5 job, a house, a wife and kids. This proved kinda impossible here...

Now my dream is become absurdly rich and own a farm... And I have that dream because since I was forced into a risky situation, I plan in failing, or having great rewards... I had no choice in having a risk, but since I have lots of risk, at least I can choose to really go for it...

But I am sure, that if I could have a 9-5 job, house and wife, I would be perfectly happy.

I'm not sure I see the fucking point of using fucking swear words.

Normally I don't upvote posts like yours but I did here. I'm not sure why every article on Medium (that I see posted on HN) has to have that word in the title. Eventually it just loses its impact. Maybe it's to grab attention, but then I would say more thought needs to go into the headline anyway.

I think the swearwords are particularly fitting here. Using swear words for no good reason is a decent indicator of immaturity, and this rant is one of the more immature things I've read lately. Some type of entitled flailing, so much so that he actually believes he can force his reality on the world.

TLDR from your favorite slush-pile-as-a-startup: It's an entitled WASP roughing it at the country-club and whose startup isn't working whining about how terribly unfair life - but FUCK THE NORMIES!

You have to learn when to fold them, my dude. Better to say here ran a coward than here died the brave.

I read your other posts - I think you're right to be terrified.

@zhamilton89:

You've written a lot where you identify as being an entrepreneur, but I can't find anything you've written on what you're working on. Your other pieces for medium seem to avoid answering this question. What is your project's goal?

I think he is shooting for "shocking" headlines and somewhat stream of conscious.

https://medium.com/p/8f186a4dde94

"I’m Modeling My Company After The Taliban."

Hey, man, if that's not what you want, that's cool and all, but I'm just going to defend myself and my buddies with good jobs and stuffed 401(k)s: There are other things besides Business that matter to people. For instance, I'd rather be a middling-to-decent family-man than a wildly successful entrepreneur, any day of the week.

There's a lot to give up in pursuit of your dreams, whether that dream is family or success or artistic fulfillment or travel... Sometimes you can choose to have some of column A and some of column B at the expense of being "mediocre" (or at least not-99.999th-percentile) at both - but maybe sometimes that leaves you a better person overall.

Anyway. Whatever floats your boat; just don't be too down on the rest of the world's strategies or anything

More to the point, most 'wantrepreneurs' rely on customers being in the middle class or higher, and having discretionary incomes from their stuffed 401ks to spend on their product/service/Saas/etc. To call that lifestyle 'mediocrity' and insult the very people that you need to grow your business is beyond the pale.

Just wait until he starts hiring people. He'll need those people who are satisfied when their work life is 'mediocre' by his terms.

Silicon Valley startup porn is harmful to many people, and I think the OP might be one of the harmed.

To call that lifestyle 'mediocrity' and insult the very people that you need to grow your business is beyond the pale.

FWIW, I think "mediocre" is relative and very personal. A stable job, a modest house, a 401(k) with some money in it, etc., would be mediocre for me, because that just isn't what I want. But I would never argue that it's mediocre in any universal or objective sense. Whether someone's life is mediocre or not is entirely relative to their ambitions, goals, and priorities.

So if you ever hear me describe that kind of life as mediocre, know that that only means it isn't the kind of life I aspire to.

In fact, I go home sometimes to visit my best friend... he works as an over the road truck driver, doesn't make a ton of money, has a modest home, etc., but has a great wife and three kids. I would never call his life mediocre, and I'm even jealous in certain regards at times. I'll even be the first to say that he has accomplished more than I have in a lot of ways, while I'm off chasing entrepreneurial dreams and big ambitions.

Silicon Valley startup porn is harmful to many people

No doubt. But for some of us, it's not just "I want to be rich". I mean, I joke about a lot of things (search for my old posts here mentioning the word 'Maserati' for example), but the real driver for me is the need to be free. I want to run my own company and have plenty of money, just for the degree of freedom that entails. I can't stand the idea of having a "boss" in the traditional sense, somebody who can come in and order me around and keep me under his thumb. I want "FU money" because I want the freedom to say "FU" and go do what I want to do. But that's just a reflection of my self-centered, radical individualist, libertarian nature.

"I want to run my own company and have plenty of money,"

There are plenty of ways you could be 'free' without owning a company. We all need FU money, but if 'freedom' is the ultimate goal, you could reduce your wants and probably have FU money after a year or so at a decent job, then move to some asian island and live decently off the interest.

That's not the 'freedom' most of us aspire to though. :)

There are plenty of ways you could be 'free' without owning a company.

Oh yeah, no doubt. That's the problem with engaging in too much reductionism in conversations like this. Human motivation is always more complex than just one or two things. I want to build a startup for other reasons than just financial independence, for sure. I guess the way I'd put it is:

"Founding a startup and growing a successful, profitable company seems - to me - to be the best path to satisfying a large number of my goals and ambitions and priorities, to an adequate degree, without compromising any of my fundamental principles".

Or think of it as an optimization problem... my calculations optimize the system of equations best by starting a company, based on what I know right now.

BTW, are you ever back in NC?

Oh yeah, I've been back since mid June, modulo a two week trip to Miami that I just returned from. I'm sitting at the Barnes & Noble at New Hope Commons now, writing this. :-)

We should get together again sometime soon, and do lunch or drinks or something. Shoot me an email or give me a call and let's see what we can line up.

> Just wait until he starts hiring people. He'll need those people who are satisfied when their work life is 'mediocre' by his terms.

I think this is the best point brought up so far. He doesnt realize that others have different ideas about what success in life is. You cant be at the top looking down on your employees as just people who work for you and who are happy with mediocrity. It's a team effort, some have more responsibility than others.

Never give up, don't end your life. Failure is a part of life, we humans learn from our mistakes. If you ever read "Dune" or watched the movie "Fear is the mind killer." and it makes a lot of sense that statement.

I am 45, and I am having a hard time. I am flat broke, disabled, and 100K in medical debt. No startups want to hire me, nobody wants to help me, and I did a great job when I was working and did two startups of my own.

http://www.greatdox.com/documentaries/ I want to do documentaries on various topics because I faced a lot of stuff in my life and I don't want to see others suffer as I have, as I have seen many others suffer. Know that you are not alone. I have software I want to develop as well. http://www.greatdox.com/software/

"No startups want to hire me, nobody wants to help me" --> why does your profile then say "I am not looking for work, or joining a startup" ?

because I am going through a period of healing. Before I ended up on disability nobody wanted to hire me or let me join a startup. I had just been in a hospital recently and almost had a stroke and heart attack with high blood pressure, and found I have a defective heart valve. I had to take some time off to heal.

What I am trying to do is side-projects on my own. If you think I can better do that by joining a startup and getting work, I can change my status. But I had tried for over a decade and got nothing, before I put that status up.

Ah ok. Best of luck. Side projects make great portfolios too, I hope they work out for you, or otherwise they can be a great thing to show future potential employers.

Well if I cannot find work, I'll keep working on side projects until I can find work.

I work to live, and not live to work. I'm that 22 year old sucker that took a job as a developer out of college making 65k+. I work at a great company and am surrounded by people smarter than me. It's a comfy job and enough to pay rent and take my gf out for vacation. Screw me right?

Been there, done that. Welcome to the club buddy! Name a prominent successful entrepreneur and there's a VERY good chance they've felt the same exact way you do. Yes, even Steve f'n Jobs.

As an entrepreneur I often have people (who are 9-5'rs) saying to me "that's awesome you're doing it on your own. I'm so envious". Yet, they have no idea the sacrifices that are required to make it on your own. The reality is that they are scared shitless to do it themselves. Take pride in knowing you are doing something 95% of the "comfortable" population in the world are scared as hell to do themselves.

Feel free to get in touch (contact in profile) if you wanna talk things through over Skype.

Taking a job temporarily isn't the end of the world. Everyone needs an income of some kind. The only key to this is persistence. If you want it bad enough "giving in" won't affect you. It's taken me a few years to figure out what I want to do all while learning what a business is, how sales work, and everything else that's involved. Do it for the journey, not the end result. There's nothing romantic about it. Independence comes at a cost: risk. Look at what you're doing objectively and you'll do fine. No matter how invincible you might feel in your 20's, failure is going to happen anyways. It's how you roll with the punches that will determine whether you come out on top or not. In the end everyone's goals are different. Many people are happy with getting a job somewhere. The rough and ramen lifestyle isn't for everyone. Many people just want to have a family, and frankly there's nothing wrong with it.

Source: I'm 23 too, but I don't pretend to be awesome. I'm just a stubborn kid looking to achieve something and getting by however necessary.

A lot of people rightly point out the melodrama in this post, and that the OP has it better than he realizes.

There's still some truth here. I'm 28, and doing ok now. I'm financially stable, and have 2K a month in recurring revenue + what I earn from short term engagements.

My peers now think what I'm doing is cool, and my parents now appear to accept that I'm not a hobo.

But, for the first year and a half, it was very tough emotionally. I was doing fine materially, but earning far less than I would have from a job.

I knew that what I was working on had potential. In fact, my short term (6-12 month) predictions were pretty spot on.

But that was based on my understanding of my niche. Others couldn't see inside my head. It was very, very hard for my parents to see that what I was doing would be worthwhile.

Now that I have externally verifiable metrics of success, it is much easier to convince people that what I'm doing is a good idea.

That in turn makes my work easier. I always felt that what I was doing was worthwhile. But it's a lot easier to work on something when your peers agree with your assessment.

I'm only 27 myself, so I don't have much wisdom to share, but...

You did say that living your well-off lifestyle costs very little.

"I want to give the same unwavering devotion to my children as my parents gave to me, but I want to do it in a way that does not lead to living paycheck to paycheck."

You wouldn't be living paycheck to paycheck if you accepted a job. I'm a pharmacist. It's OK money - I'm sure software developers can get more. You can build up savings and investments for a few years while developing some projects on the side. This gives you breathing room. It seems like you're walking a tightrope right now - with fear of losing what you already have (girlfriend, material stuff) and fear of this idea you call "mediocrity" pushing you along.

At this point no one's going to write an epic poem about my life. I'm arrogant enough to hate "mediocrity" as well, but it's a small price to pay for peace of mind.

I remember when I was this dramatic. I have no doubt that the emotions he experiences are very real, but he has no frame of reference to see all this for what it is: not really a big deal. If he fails, it sounds like he has a safety net and support to get on his feet and try again. There's no shame in being "mediocre" and having a 9-5 as long as he doesn't get complacent and lose his drive.

Any decent entrepreneur, however, is not going to lose that drive and desire. I know I haven't, and I've yet to achieve what this kid has. Even if he fails, he tried. He'll learn a ton and will be better-equipped for the next go-round.

Like untog said, I don't like judging people based on their age as well. But here is the reality. A 20 year old even if a superstar entrepreneur has not experienced the ups and downs of life enough as a 30 year old. (I am 32) A 30 year old not the same like a 40 year old and so on...

If the OP wants to be free, it comes with a cost. Plain and simple. Don't want to be like your friends who have 9-5, a wife, a kid ? Thats fine. But be willing to pay the price for it as well.

I only want to say this "There is a cost and price for everything you do/want in your life". You decide what is worth to you.

If this were written by an aspiring actor, refusing to live a life of non-fame, putting his family and loved ones through hardship because he refuses to take that steady job, how much differently would this be perceived?

And a kindly "Fuck you." for calling those of us who choose to work "normal" jobs mediocre and sell outs. You're a douche. Here's hoping you grow up.

You seem to be romanticizing a little too much to be realistic, yet you seem to be realistic enough to assess the current situation.

My advice is to lower your expectation a little. A mediocrity is better than a total failure. Consider achieving mediocrity the failure, which you would be willing to take before aiming for the big thing, again. Try living homeless for a week, and you'll know.

We're young and sometimes the balance between the ideal and the real can be stammering to hold.

If you're 23, an entrepreneur, fucking terrified and have time to write about it, you're doing it wrong.

A lot of times I wonder if people become entrepreneurs because they think its this fun lifestyle? Or do they think its an instant path to riches? Or do they fear a 9-5 job? Or are they doing it for the reason I do it: to create something?

Psychologists could have a field day with entrepreneurs.

"The Dip", referenced in this article, is something I've had a lot of people recommend to me, yet (seemingly) goes 100% against the "fail fast" mentality also espoused by many others. Any thoughts on how/if these are reconciled?

Go read this to find what it could be http://www.therodinhoods.com/forum/topics/commitment-to-win

Where is the mention of his business? I don't have any clue what he is actually trying to build.

If there is no business, this article should be titled "I'm 23 and Fucking Terrified of Hard Work."

Does anyone know what company the writer of this article started?

I've been there, Zach and I feel your pain. The furiously maddening aspect of the entire ordeal is just how little money you actually need to be free, and how the lack of that little bit of money can wreak havoc on your entire life and nervous system.

Oh what wonders could be conjured with a soothing $2500 per month trust fund deposit! How quickly things could move forward, with doubt and existential dread erased!

Sadly, we are just well educated serfs holding the arrogant pretense that we can become lords. We can, but its not going to be easy.

So I feel you, and I read what you wrote carefully and I sympathize so here is my advice.

I would suggest recalibrating your concept of what is old. 23 is incredibly young. Forget about what your friends are doing. Half those guys getting married and having kids young are wishing they were free like you are right now.

This experience will teach you some things, but what doesn't kill you doesn't necessarily make you stronger. More likely it causes burnout and the dwindling of your dendrites.

I wouldn't prolong it for romantic notions.

Consider pivoting towards becoming cowboy auxiliary engineering help for companies that already have revenue. You can retain your freedom and get much needed cash.

This is what I have done, and put my own product visions on hold. It is quite good. I retain my freedom and people send me large sums via paypal. It is a strategic retreat. Sometimes you advance ahead of your supply lines and strategy dictates a pause.

Also, ignore your guilt about not taking your girlfriend out more.

Don't move. I was living in a penthouse studio apartment in Boulder and I thought a move to Austin would be worth it to lower expenses. The time and stress of the move was is no way worth it.

Depending on where you live, sell your car. The faster you do this the better. It is the most expensive non critical thing that you own.

Think of the one thing you can do today to bring in $5000 and do that. Godspeed, you crazy bastard. You're probably just insane enough to pull this heist off and cheat your capitalist oppressors out of the smug satisfaction they have when you stay in your place.

Quote "A business partner that compliments my skills perfectly."

No, in point of fact, he complements your skills perfectly.

Perhaps he needs someone around for the validation and it was not a mistake at all? /snark.

"Hey Zach, you could sell ice to Eskimos!" "Hey Zach, you're a visionary the likes of whom we haven't seen since Steve Jobs!"

"If at first you don't succeed try, try, try again. And then quit, no point in being bull-headed about it."

Good stuff. I'm with you Zach. Except I'm 40, so I feel slightly different forms of terror than you do. And I don't have the beautiful, intelligent girlfriend. Or a motorcycle.

To all of the people who say that the best thing to do is get a good job, buy a nice house, and to put the max into a 401k that the company will match:

    When I was a young boy 
    They said you're only gettin' older 
    But how was I to know then 
    That they'd be cryin' on my shoulder 
    Put your money in a big house 
    Get yourself a pretty wife 
    She'll collect your life insurance 
    When she connects you with a knife [1]

Fuck you. It’s not what I want. Mediocrity is worse than failure.

Yeah, absolutely. I've tolerated mediocrity for too much of my life, due to a misguided faith in the old saws "patience is a virtue" and "good things come to those who wait", etc.

So now I'm on the cusp of "old", and have a startup that I have a lot of confidence in (but, then again, entrepreneurs almost have to have an irrational level of confidence and optimism!), but the terror of basically having to acknowledge "this is probably my last 'at bat'".

If this doesn't succeed, by the time we fail, I think I'll be too old and too tired to bother trying again. That means I write off all hope of living the life I really want to live. At that point, I doubt I'll see much point in living, so I kinda expect that if it happens, I'll load my car up with booze, and head to Vegas to drink myself to death, ala Nick Cage's character in Leaving Las Vegas.

Can we make it while living modest lifestyles? I think yes. It will be hard, but fuck… it’s going to be hard anyway.

I think so, but, speaking as an "older guy", I'll just say this: be aggressive as fuck about pursuing your dreams. And if you're going to sacrifice a bit and do some element of the "entre-monk" thing, it's probably more tolerable in your 20's than in your 30's, or (worse) your 40's. I'm not saying you have to do the entre-monk thing, mind you. But I am saying that you probably can't afford to coast, and do too much playing around being patient.

I am starting to truly understand why the people that seem to make the best entrepreneurs are empirically unstable. You can’t go into this shit with a sane disposition.

Agreed.

[1]: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LUkqBRC1zUA

Still takes about 5 seconds for me to see anything render other than the "M" in the corner.

You wrote all that at 23? You should be writing for a living! Forget code, write in English.

i agree - the writing is amazing. you did such a great job of conveying a lot of what i feel on a daily basis. i'm 30, and i work freelance. i rarely sleep. very little social life. it amazes me on a daily basis that i somehow still have friends - and a girlfriend - considering how much i neglect those around me in favor of doing what i love. where is the balance? i, too, want a wife and kids someday.

anyhow, great piece. as long as you can live another day, the opportunity is there for something big to happen. i've gone from the lowest of lows to the highest of highs in a matter of a few hours.

perhaps reframing what success really is would help. i know how hard that can be, though. take it easy on yourself. not many people can do what you're doing. measuring yourself to those living a so-called "normal" lifestyle is unfair to yourself. you've chosen a different path, a path that, believe me, many would love but are too scared to make.

I really wish that medium.com would not disable pinchzoom on iOS devices.

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