Hacker News Reader

Comment by manishsharan | Hacker News Reader

I can relate to this study --- even though I am not a young adult like the subjects of this study.

I stopped using Facebook a few months ago because I couldn't handle how it made me feel. I am bootstrapping a start-up ,working insane hours and depriving my family of the comforts/luxuries that I could have afforded when I had a corporate job. I am really happy that my friends are spending their summer vacation at resorts/beaches etc.; I feel horrible that my kids as stuck at home and they can't have the kind of stuff my friends' buy their kids and it is all my fault. I am not jealous -- I feel guilty and facebook updates from my dearest friends exacerbates my guilt.

So I stopped using Facebook temporarily -- I will be back on it when I can buy stuff. m

View on HN

Going on Facebook, I see how everyone's social life is better than mine.

Going on Hacker News, I see how everyone's startup is doing better than my failed attempt.

Going on Hackaday, I see how everyone's working on cooler projects than mine.

The only place I feel good about myself is at work.

Gotta learn to love yourself, hombre, because you're stuck with you

We see what we want to see. Look for the good, it'll change your pov almost immediately.

Everyone publishes the awesome shit they do. Nobody publishes constantly things they suck at, things they failed at, things they won't attain.

Exactly. Don't compare your insides to other people's outsides.

"Don’t Compare Your Behind-the-Scenes to Other People’s Highlight Reel"

Wow, love that line. Source?

I think I first heard it in the movie 28 Days with Sandra Bullock, but I believe it was already a popular saying in AA and other types of self help and therapy.

I was about to say the same thing! Surviorship Bias. It applies to everything you mentioned (Facebook, HN, HackADay) http://youarenotsosmart.com/2013/05/23/survivorship-bias/

I find that I'm pretty self-deprecating just about wherever I publish, but I guess that's just showing off how awesome my sense of humor is.

I also post self-deprecating comments, but you're probably a lot better at it than I am.

Heh. Well done.

Personally I publish both the good and bad sides to things going on around me, mainly because I don't believe in whitewashing how things are, and also because I use it to keep in contact with family and friends that are of a distance away.

What I've found is that if there's a stretch where there's a lot of bad news, people will just tune you out, where comments dwindle and activity lessens even when that trend has reversed itself. In my incredibly small and unscientific sample size, it seemed that with negative news, there was a greater chance for people to "tune out", while people I knew that did the "everything is awesome" timelines would have higher then average interaction.

Thought it was interesting at least. I wonder if would be reproducible, or if it's just a weird quirk for the people that I know on there.

I make it a point to blog about my suckage every day, so that if I ever get successful, there's a nice big chunk of evidence of how a person can suck before getting good at something.

Embrace indifference and you'll feel equally good* about yourself everywhere.

* or bad. Or meh. Especially meh.

True. Indifference definitely doesn't work for long.

The advice I heard in that respect is that you go to walmart for a couple of hours and just look at the people there.

But on a more serious note, not only beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but sucess also is. There's certainly some artists bias there, and you should become aware of it. You know all of your projects to the bone, with all their belmishes, and even though every one else is amazed at what you do, you think you're bad at it, just because you know every detail of it.

There's also the "grass is always greener" complex as well. The perception that what someone else has or does is better than what you do because it's different. It may be true or it could all be in one's mind. To want to always improve is a good thing, but in high doses it can be toxic.

It's not about what you can buy them or the places you can take them.

The only thing you have to be guilty about is allowing yourself to be tricked into thinking that it is.

If you want to go someplace that will make you feel better about not having loads of money you can check out Mr. Money mMustache. http://www.mrmoneymustache.com/ he's very anti-consumerism and doing things the hard way, it isn't for everyone but when I'm tightening the budget he always makes me feel better.

I'm an aspiring mustachian. I bike to work, try to save, and don't eat out often, but I've still got a lot of work to do. Its awesome how seeing someone who is happy with less can make you want to emulate them in some way. Anyway read a few of the popular blogs. I'd suggest http://www.mrmoneymustache.com/2012/05/07/what-do-you-mean-y... as a starting point.

Interesting, I don't normally think of Facebook as being about conspicuous consumption and provider guilt. Now I worry that when I post pictures of doing awesome (often expensive) things with my kids that I'm making people feel worse about themselves.

Would a site that encouraged sharing only the bad stuff that happens make friends/people feel better about themselves?

Manish, keep at it, leadership is about leading yourself, no one gets that except those who get through it and keep going.

Reply on news.ycombinator.com