Ask HN: Help We're having a baby. Now what?

One of the most important things you can do to prepare for your child is to talk to your wife, now, about the division of labor in the household post-birth. Commit right now to a role and a set of duties for the foreseeable future with a mutual understanding that if something isn't working for either of you, revisions can be made. You can relax on it after a couple years, but there's a lot of adjustment in the first year and this sort of understanding makes a difference.

Equally important, is to have an understanding that you both need time away from each other and the child. Agree now that you will be responsible for the child on specific days at specific times to give your wife time off and have her reciprocate.

Do these two things and you'll have the time to work, take care of your responsibilities and fit in some good hacking time. So will your wife.

Can't upvote this enough. Choosing specific days/times now sounds excessive, but deciding together what percentage of time spent looking after the baby you're each going to be responsible for is a really good idea.

If I could do one thing for you, I would make it possible for you to parent your first like your third.

But it's impossible.

I wish you could cowboy-code your way through infanthood, like a parent of two can: "Chill out, baby! Your diaper isn't that wet." or "You can't crawl yet, so just stay in the middle of the room while I run out to the car"

Please believe that we've gotten this far as a species because we're fairly fault-tolerant. We're built to survive. I know that preventable tragedies happen all the time, but don't let fear run your life.

If you help out your wife with as many things as you possibly can, you'll all survive with your sanity intact.

Gear: Boppy, mirror that enables you to see the baby in your rear view mirror, good low-light camera, good photo library/storage solution (Picasa, Flickr, whatever), cheap lightweight stroller for quick trips, Ergobaby

I recommend you to watch this TED talk: http://www.ted.com/talks/rufus_griscom_alisa_volkman_let_s_t...

you'll find good tips in there

Thanks. Looks interesting. Will definitely watch it asap.

Congrats! A bit of meta-advice:

- as you may have already found out there is no shortage of opinions and advice, so the challenge is picking out the right advice

- what worked for my family was to ID role model parents, e.g. parents that we knew who seemed happy, and sought our their advice. We actually interviewed a couple and took notes via laptop, and that served as our blueprint.

- we also identified anti-role models, e.g. parents that seemed to be beaten down by the process or were overly paranoid, and disregarded their advice or decide to not be like them.

- resist the urge to buy a bunch of stuff, instead get a free subscription to amazon prime (via the amazon mom promotion) and get what you need on a JIT basis.

I really like the model parent idea. Will definitely contact some friends of our who we think are great parents and make sure to take them out to dinner and pick their brains.

A few quick comments:

* Don't waste too much money on the stroller, babies grow out of it fast. Go with a ~$150 Greco one (with integrated car seat)

* Definitely get the Itzbeen (http://www.amazon.com/s/?ie=UTF8&keywords=itzbeen&tag=googhy...) a true lifesaver in the first weeks to track milk and poop times. As a side projects, you can try to rig it so that you can access and download the data it collects over BT.

* Another must is the microwave bottle cleaner, you'll love it when cleaning bottles at 2am

* The classic What to Expect book is good. I would refrain from hitting too many websites, etc., you can get overwhelmed really quick.

* I suggest not using pacifiers. These work great in the baby stage but then becomes a problem as you try to ween them off of it.

The GPS chip is way out, I'd say don't make any decisions for the child that may affect him/her in the future (circumcision may be one exception, depending on your religion).

It's not bad, especially if you can get some help from family in the first 1-2 weeks. You just need to roll with.

Thanks. How did you decide on a Graco stroller versus something like the Snap n Go that just the frame that you can snap the car seat into? I would think I prefer that because it seems more efficient and eliminates the need for a separate car seat and additional bulk, no?

Get the Snap n Go - there's a 50% chance you can transfer the child to it without waking them up. This is worth it.

Also, buy a portable crib that you can stick in your luggage. It lets you go on a quick trips as a family without lugging a huge crib arroud: Phil and Ted make a good one - they call it a travel cot.

The Snap n Go thing looked weird to me, but its definitely an option (and I believe it's cheaper, too). Getting the baby out the car without them waking up is key, so we got one of those stroller+car seat+crib thingie combos.

Which company/model? Can you post a link?

Also, getting a Costco membership if there's a store in your vicinity is a good idea, their wipes are great and the diapers are cheap.

If you do decide to go with a breast pump, don't buy it, rent instead. A lot of women find that after they get it they cannot really use due to different reasons, or their milk is not adequate.

Strollers that can use a detachable car seat (ours is from Graco) are good, and I like the Baby Bjorn carrier.

We had a fussy baby (now 13mo old, our first), and white noise phone apps were incredibly helpful. You'd think that newborns would be sensitive to noise in a bad way, but loud noise instead helps them sleep and relax. Fisher Price swing/cradle was also amazing at calming him down.

You can get diapers with a strip that changes color when they're wet, super useful.

If your wife is planning to pump, the more expensive pumps can work around twice as fast as the cheap ones -- 15 mins several times a day is much more convenient than 30 mins several times a day.

Oh yeah, one more thing that I didn't understand fully: due dates are really approximate. The standard deviation is 11 days or something. Having the baby arrive 3-4 weeks early would be totally unsurprising.

I was lucky to be able to take two months completely off work when the baby arrived; I know that's a lot of privilege. So all I can tell you is that after about five weeks I started feeling like I could be a programmer again. :-)

Mazel Tov! I have a happy 2.5 y/o son, code and hack on sideprojects.

The good:

* Having a child is wonderful!

* Get a nappy changing table that is the right height for both of you to stand straight

- Put two shelves up above the baby changer, keeping nappies and wipes reachable with one hand. The other hand will often be contaminated / busy pinning down something.

The Bad:

* The first 9 weeks is crazy intense. Then it eases off.

The Ugly:

Having a baby is a very vulnerable time for new parents. Quite sadly, companies, governments, health-care professionals and deluded individuals try to exploit this vulnerability. They do not hesitate to use what is a powerful new tool: Guilt.

You are very succeptible to guilt when your little baby comes into your life. You will both be tired and never sure you are doing the right thing by your screaming bundle.

You'll get advice from all quarters and it will be confusing and often directly contradictory. I say, ignore all the advice and do what feels right for both you and your wife. Babies are delicate and precious, but they thrive without best practice guides.

Don't use a stroller. Instead use a baby carrier. Your wife will be hands free, can take the public transport more easily.

The baby will love it as she/he will hear the sound of the mom's heartbeat. Can easily fall asleep. You can keep your baby close, and I guess closeness is really important for every parent. And it's safer and more affordable.

My daughter is 18 months old and has loved my iPad since before she even understood the relevance of her gestures. I think they're a fantastic toy/aid for children.

This was her favorite app for quite some time: https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/i-hear-ewe-animal-sounds-for.... The same guy has a couple other apps that are nicely made.

Would you like a GPS embedded in you? By force? Alternatively you and your wife could practice good parenting and just not let your child wander off alone until he or she is old enough to do so responsibly, at which point a GPS would be horribly invasive.

Thanks for the tip. The GPS bit was more to get people laughing than a real question, but no, I definitely would not.

Also remember to get photos and videos off your phone quickly so it won't matter when your kid deletes them (along with apps you like). There's software to recover deleted files from sd cards but they're riddled with scammy shit.

Thanks. I actually started using Loom [1] recently and I'm really liking it so far.

[1] http://www.loom.com

First, congratulations!! I can give you a few important things to keep in mind (just had a baby..well 5 months now)

- Prepare for delivery at a hospital that you are comfortable with. Go take a maternity tour by arranging one in advance. This way, you know where to go exactly when the day comes without any confusions. The guided tours are usually pretty good and they show you the Labor Delivery and Post Partem rooms. Since you are a couple of months away, I hope you have already done this. If not, do it asap

- Buy an infant car seat or borrow one from your family/friends if you can. We use Graco brand for our baby and highly recommend it. For infants, you need a rear facing car seat. This link can give you ideas. [1]

- Make sure you get the car seat in advance and learn how to install it in your car. Depending on car models, it could be different. In more recent years, cars usually have a child seat hook/harness that you can attach the seat to. Look for it and make sure you practice. Note: Some hospitals are very strict on how the newborn is taken out in a carseat and will supervise you as well.

- Depending on the season, ensure you have proper clothes ready for the baby. Cold or warm, prepare accordingly. Our baby was born in March and it was very cold (eastcost). So we prepared accordingly with baby blankets etc on top of the clothes. Shop around for newborn clothes [2]

- Strollers, we use Graco again and works really good for us. [3]

- Get a pediatrician for the baby. Usually, the hospital will ask you if you already have one. If not, then they will assign you one during the delivery but if possible, get one beforehand so that you baby can be seen by the same during delivery and afterwards.

- Diapers and wipes. These will be big items for you to buy all the time. We use Pampers swaddlers diapers. It has wetness indicator (yellow turns blue if diaper is wet). You will probably start witha size 1 for newborn and slowly move to bigger sizes. For wipes, we use Pampers sensitive wipes. [7] [8]

- Breast milk and pumping: If the mother decides to pump which we found out to be easier for us, get a breast pump. Sometimes, your insurance can pay for it. I think Obamacare has the provision. So you might get it for free or very cheap.

- Formula: Depending on your individual case, you will use formula in addition to breast milk if any. For formula, we use Similac Advance Early shield. It comes as powder or liquid. Powder is cheaper but you need to do additional work to mix it with warm water. I suggest keep both because for travelling, the liquid one is handy while at home, you can use the cheaper powder option [4] [5]

- Bottles. Go to a local babiesrus and take a look. We use these [6]. Nipple type and size matters as well. Talk to some friends/family to get an idea.

- Buy a crib. Dont go for sometjhing too fancy in my opinion. Just get one that works for your baby. You will see 4-in-1 convertibles etc. Explore and see what works for your baby

- Buy a swing. We found it easier to put our newborn to sleep if she was cranky. Sometimes, they dont like to lie in a crib but the swings helps (with light white noise/music). It was very useful to us for first 3 months. our baby outgrew it afterwards though:)

- Use http://www.babycenter.com and even add your email for updates. They have the best tips, articles and even track your progress throughout including post delivery.

- Many more I am sure. But these will give you some insights. All the best to you and your family.

[1] http://www.gracobaby.com/catalog/pages/carseat.aspx

[2] www.babiesrus.com

[3] http://www.gracobaby.com/search%20results/pages/search.aspx?...

[4] http://www.gracobaby.com/search%20results/pages/search.aspx?...

[5] http://www.amazon.com/Similac-Advance-Shield-Formula-8-Fluid...

[6] http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=3092104&i...

[7] http://www.amazon.com/Pampers-Swaddlers-Diapers-Economy-Coun...

[8] http://www.amazon.com/Pampers-Sensitive-Wipes-12x-Count/dp/B...

Thanks this is alot of great information. We've been using baby center and its been great. We've also done the birthing classes and maternity tour. We're also set with a pediatrician.

Thanks for the tips regarding what to get. That's been our focus the last couple of weeks and we appreciate the insight.

Good luck with your baby!