No need to get the pitchforks out, this post is satire. The two quotes in the article aren't sourced. A quick Google search shows the last quote only appears in this blog [1].
The scary thing is, I thought it was legit until you pointed that out. The worlds take on surveillance makes me sad.
Anyone else just go out and give one of these bikes a close once-over? That was me at Spring and 6th Ave. pawing the rack of Citibikes just a minute ago. I was going to start carrying around a roll of tape...