Fuck Off As A Service (FOAAS) | Hacker News Reader

Fuck Off As A Service (FOAAS)

foaas.com

486 pointschoult106 comments

Feature request:

     /shakespeare/:name/:from

returns ':name, Thou clay-brained guts, thou knotty-pated fool, thou whoreson obscene greasy tallow-catch! - :from'

e.g. /shakespeare/Falstaff/Prince%20Henry returns 'Falstaff, Thou clay-brained guts, thou knotty-pated fool, thou whoreson obscene greasy tallow-catch! - Prince Henry'

http://foaas.com/shakespeare/Falstaff/Prince%20Henry

I was thinking:

  /python/:from

returns 'Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries! -:from'

Not quite as classy, though.

In the spirit of Postel's Robustness principle, please also handle Shakespeare, Shakespear, Shakspeare and Shakspere

Also http://foaas.com/you/pay%20me/Freelancers%20Everywhere

Telnet is simpler... I call this my random insult service and it can run on any TCP port. It's not as rude as saying "Fuck Off" as it is meant to be humorous and is intended for all the script-kiddie port scanners out there:

    telnet 108.4.184.93

This is great!

In case anyone without telnet wants to see: here are 46 insults from that telnet service. http://pastebin.com/6SP2PucG

I'm partial to "Your IQ is the same as the temperature in this room. And it's cold in here."

That was inspired by this Great Santini quote:

That was the man who dandled me on his knee when I was a young boy—the Great Santini. I once introduced my father when I was giving a talk like this, and I said, "My father decided to go in the Marine Corps when he found out that his IQ was the temperature of this room."

My father got up right behind me. He stared down at the audience and he said, "My God, it's hot in here. . . it must be at least 165 degrees."

Thanks for reminding me of that movie. Haven't seen it in years. Just checked and not on netflix though.

You don't have to remark about cold in most of the world.

35 centigrade degrees is very hot.

Works both ways no? It's not that F needs the comment -- a comfortable room temp is ~75, and no one will think "but it might be 100 in here!"

That's a good clarification, thanks. I don't think in or understand F grades.

What if I told you I use Kelvins?

telnet: connect to address 108.4.184.93: Operation timed out

telnet: Unable to connect to remote host

ISP rotated out the IP... DHCP. I'll find a static one someplace and put it up.

Edit: This works until 3:30 PM today (East Coast USA time):

    telnet insult.16s.us

Can you set up dyndns on the box?

> Not Written in Mozart.

I thought they were talking about this mozart programming system: http://www.mozart-oz.org/ And thought to myself "who would ever write anything big in that"?

Cute. But now you're on the hook to maintain it, and I can already see the abuse you'll have to take from your target demographic whenever this goes down.

Maybe the target demographic will become so dependent on this service, that they'll be unable to hurl abuse without it.

They couldn't possibly abuse him while the service is down...

When it's time to retire the service, they need only redirect everyone to http://foaas.com/off/users/FOAAS

Name collision!

I've been telling people to do me a service and fuck off for years!

This is fantastic. It's the best thing since StarLogs (http://starlogs.net/#johnzachary/libcork)

I think there's an extraneous parameter in /this/:from Oh, and minor niggle, you haven't replaced :from in the final three examples.

Also, please can you add localisation? The word "donut" makes me feel physically sick. http://foaas.com/you/%22donuts%22/lotsofcows

I too feel this pain acutely, to combat it I wrote a small and VERY basic JavaScript file a while ago to change this on the fly on a webpage based on your GeoIP location. https://github.com/MartinMcGirk/English.JS

The question is, which spelling do Canadians get?

Canada was a toughie that I meant to get around to later. I was working from the reference at http://wikitravel.org/en/English_language_varieties which has three categories of English; "Commonwealth English", "US English" and "Canada".

It didn't really give me enough detail on Canadian English to create a new category there and then though so I left it as a "I should get around to looking this up soon".

My apologies to the fine people of Canada. I'll look at rectifying it shortly.

> My apologies

You know the way to our hearts. Personally, I think defaulting to Commonwealth is sufficient for Canadians. On a side note, does it pluralize "octopus" differently by region? I've always been a big fan of "octopodes" as the plural, which is not really accepted anyways.

Which ever one Tim Horton's uses!

Tragically, Tim Hortons writes "donut", I believe. If we petition them, maybe they'll apologize and change it.

US, unfortunately. I'm not convinced of the accuracy of the script's list of commonwealth countries. I could have sworn Canada was part of the commonwealth.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Member_states_of_the_Commonwea...

It is a very valuable member of the Commonwealth, but as I understand it it uses a mix of Commonwealth English and US English and I didn't get round to including it as an option.

To be honest, you could serve up either and you'd be fine.

The key cases I think are cheque (vs. check), colour (vs. color), and neighbour (vs. neighbor) and "fuck" is none of those.

Or you could sign up for an open source account at http://crowdin.net/ and just let us do it ourselves.

For the ultimate "fuck you", this should be written to use SOAP.

SOAP, by passing it escaped XML blobs in string containers.

And this has much better documentation than many APIs I have to use!

I'm too old for this shit.

Legendary! Always good to have an early afternoon laugh :) I shall be spreading this forthwith!

Italians (well, many of them) can use this localised version, "SAAS: Soccmel As A Service": http://soccmel.taldeg.me/

Damn, I'm 100% Italian and don't understand half of the words in it. Gotta hate dialects.

Apologies! I probably can't speak most of them anymore either, not with a passable accent...

Dialects are one of those things emigrants like me tend to romanticise. It is true that they're an actual hindrance in many cases (in places like Veneto you're shut out of most business communities if you can't speak the local lingo) and tend to be loudly represented by the most xenophobic elements. Still, they're part and parcel of the Italian culture and reflect local history much more than the artificial Italian language itself. Bolognese, for example, still maintains traces of Napoleonic soldiers (e.g. "avec" is used in Bolognese exactly like you'd use it in French), Southern dialects have Spanish and mooresque influences, and so on.

That's true. I live in Friuli Venezia Giulia and not knowing the local dialect I'm often excluded from a lot of discussions.

This should use POST instead of GET, because you are proposing an action.

But the messaging system is idempotent! The behaviour of 3rd-party endpoints is undetermined.

This calls for a standard! The Fuck-Off Protocol, or FOP, will soon have an rfc, a mailing list, and three incompatible implementations.

And Dave will claim to be the father of FOP.

haha, and probably at some point someone will write "FOP 2.0 and the Road to Hell"

http://foaas.com/donut/HATEOAS/foaas.com

They should put the source up somewhere, I'd love to see what the filthy minds of the hacker community could add on.

http://foaas.com/off/NSA/me

So brave.

http://foaas.com/king/cronin101/tarcon

Didn't zedshaw already design something like this? Where is he when you need him?

I thought this was going to be a list of all the services who can fuck off, like AT&T and Time Warner Cable, with an API to either: launch a DDoS attack at them, formally fuck them off by sending them a letter or a proper complaint to the correct address, while connecting your social media accounts with the correct hashtags- updating your status. Telling actual _people_ to fuck off caught me off guard...then I got the joke of applying an API to everything, especially if it's easier to do it in person...You should add mailing real letters if enough people request the service.

License? Can't use this without one.

The "Do What the Fuck You Want to Public License" seems appropriate, in tone and language.

http://www.wtfpl.net/

Haha, I love that license! Somebody submitted some of my software to Debian and they wouldn't accept until I put a license on it, so I picked that one.

I made a few cruder services like this at my old job:

http://foaas.willfixeverything.com http://abug.in/linux

They are both running on heroku and slow as hell. Pull requests (http://github.com/jedahan) or better free hosts are welcome, but I get like 50 visits a year so whatevers.

We used in in chat rooms when management was being dumb, mostly.

Heads up that the second link will make your phone talk rather loudly.

Deleted comment

So you're ignoring customers in other countries because you can't communicate with them? Why are you not immediately hiring a native speaker/coder to expand your market there?

Or is it an IP protection issue in that you've found that certain countries (China?) will steal your evaluation code and run with it?

They published the code : https://github.com/xenph/foaas

Nicely done. It needs:

  /thanks/:from

returns 'Fuck you very much. - :from.'

My one feature request would be to have the word proceeding 'fuck' as an argument:

/:thing/:from Will return content of the form 'Fuck :thing. -:from' e.g. /SaaS/Foaas will return 'Fuck SaaS. -Foaas'

added /:thing/:from

Are code contributions welcome? If so, is there a repository I can send a patch to?

Feature request

   /chainsaw/:name/:from

returns 'F*ck me gently with a chainsaw, :name. Do I look like Mother Teresa?' - :from

http://foaas.com/chainsaw/Hughdbrown/Heather

haha

How usefully useless

http://foaas.com/you/Nvidia/Linus%20Torvalds

Man, I'd love to see what would happen if you submitted this as a student project for a class on web services

So, GMail filters other people spam and put their own paid spam directly on inbox. Brilliant!

I think you should include hashed urls. You can guess the content of the link from the url.

Use something like this:

http://hugeurl.com/

Wow, this just made me lol as well

Really like the site.

Feature request: Shortened URL so the surprise isn't given away.

Feature request:

/soldiers/:from

"Fuck this for a game of soldiers" - :from

/memeimgurl/:name

returns fo text overlaid on image

LMAO. I just burst out laughing so hard. Why is this platform not open source :)?

when I need to be told to fuck off I just read the AGPL.

This was inevitable.

i like the roadmap

new http 403 msg

way to go :)

I fucking love this.

This isn't Hacker News material.

It's a well-executed joke aimed at the Hacker community. I enjoyed it and upvoted it.

It's a hello world rest app. There is nothing interesting about it at all.

For me I appreciate it from the end result, not the underlying guts of how it works.

Calling it a joke is a real stretch. Apparently HN is populated entirely by preteen boys who think that the word "fuck" is hilarious.

Actually, this is the epitome of HN material.

It is not. Five years ago we didn't have this crap. There is nothing redeemable about this besides it being a hello world rest app.

Votes decide that, not you.

Communities can hold themselves to standards and people can try to convince each other that those standards are good.

It is SUPER telling that the only people that disagree with me have accounts that are younger than mine while the ones that agree with me have accounts that are older than mine.

well, strictly speaking, pg decides that. In the current constitutional arrangement though, he (mostly) delegates his powers to the electorate.

And look at that, it has been flagged and pulled from the homepage.

And if I was still able to flag submissions, I'd flag it.

And why can't you flag it? Is there a quota or something?

I've lost the ability to flag in the past couple of months, for no reason I can discern. I seldom used it unless I thought the story was very off-topic.

Only thing I can think of is accidentally fat-fingering flag on my phone, then a mod revoking my ability in retaliation.

If you think this submission is off-topic, and you've flagged other submissions like it, you may have lost your flagging rights.

I dislike the way that people say actions are done "in retaliation" or as "retribution" - as I understand it they're largely automated.

Do you remember the way this site was when it first started out? I've been here a long time, and it's changed. I'm less and less engaged over time.

Reddit exists for posts like this one.

I used to use 'flag' perhaps 10 times a year. And judging by how mods change post titles, they've clearly - IMHO - drifted into the harmful space.

Here's a link to the front page for July 2007.

(http://web.archive.org/web/20070713212949/http://news.ycombi...)

Which on there are particularly good, or particularly bad?

They raised the bar to something over 5000 karma or something.

I have over 13000 karma.

Neither are comments like this

I actually agree with you, and normally I don't post them, but this is just so fragrantly not what HN is about and yet it is almost #1.

My time! It's been wasted! Oh noes!

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