You don't have to work for yourself to do that; indeed I'd think it's a bigger risk when freelancing.
I have a conventional job; my boss and I both know what my hours are (they're written in my contract). I'd never miss an arranged dinner or work a weekend; I'd be amazed and somewhat insulted to even be asked. Is this really something normal over in the US?
At large engineering firms outside of software it's less typical. If you're an engineer at Lockheed, Exxon, or Dupont, the expectation is that you'll work a regular 40-hour week, barring really unusual situations. Many people even carpool to & from work, so you have relatively little flexibility in staying late even if you were tempted to: if your carpool leaves at 4pm each day, you leave at 4pm.
But, as far as actual working hours, most people I know in IT work a pretty standard 40 hour week. Occasionally they might log in from home for an hour or two, here and there, if they need to catch up. Infrequently (like once or twice per year max) there may be a major release or update that required a week or two of working long hours. That can sometimes be due to slacking off at the beginning of the release phase, or just overly optimistic planning. Generally after a big push like that everybody will take a break and coast for a while or take a few days off.
That's my personal observation of my own team and about 5 or 10 others that I know.
When freelancing though, I felt like I never stopped working!
Maybe the sweet spot is mid-sized startups before they grow out of control and large companies who never seem to downsize? Those two situations never seem to last for more than a few years.
I run the IT ops of a startup. Pay is good, no equity though. Nights? If necessary. Weekends? If necessary. I was working on a federal holiday (July 4th) for no additional pay because we rolled our app out the night before.
The US has a long way to go with regards to labor rights.