Life is not a conveyor belt
alexwarren.co.uk
alexwarren.co.uk
You might see me with my degrees, career, dog, child, wife and house and think I'm just another conveyor-belter, but hopefully one day you will realise that every person has a unique story to tell. Even the ones who might seem boring to you.
You don't have to make a grand gesture of differentness in your clothing, music taste, beliefs or lifestyle to actually be different. We are all different by our very nature.
In fact, proclaiming your differentness so loudly could be viewed as more oppressive than seeming to 'conform' to your perceived conveyor-belt.
Life without progress is stagnant. We each choose our own path. It just happens that there are some broad trends amongst the things humans value; like company and security. Marriage, kids, a stable career and a house go a long way towards satisfying those needs. And, without wishing to patronise, those needs do become more acutely felt as you get older.
But I have to admit, those who make the difference aren't those who "proclaim their differentness".
That reminded me of this:
"I have expressed my strong interest in the mass of the people; and this is founded, not on their usefulness to the community, so much as on what they are in themselves. Indeed every man, in every condition, is great. It is only our own diseased sight which makes him little. A man is great as a man, be he where or what he may. The grandeur of his nature turns to insignificance all outward distinctions."
-- William Ellery Channing
They seem "old" to me, even though they're often several years younger than me. As though they've lived a lot more life than me, but not the "good" parts of life. I can't imagine how tough it must be to raise a family on an entry-level job, and simultaneously try to progress your way out of that entry-level-ness without the ability to ever roll the dice and not have to worry about feeding anybody else but yourself if things don't work out. Or the ability to put it all on hold and piss off to backpack around Southeast Asia for a year. You can see the shadow of that still on a lot of folks like that, even 20 years on.
It never occurred to me back then how good a decision it was not to get married and start a family right away. Now, raising kids with 20 years worth of leveling up behind me and the resources to do it "right", I think I'm going to have it a lot easier.
I was under the impression the drop off for men both progressed slower and was less severe than it was for women.
e.g. a 40 something woman has the same chance of having offspring with Downs Syndrome or other congenital defects as two cousins in their twenties inbreeding, while a 80 year old man with a 20 something woman is still less at risk than both of the aforementioned pairs.
In what way? Increasing the odds from 1:1000 to 10:1000 in exchange for 20 years of carefree living seems like a pretty good tradeoff to me.
It is pretty easy to flip around the "old" label, for instance: some could say a 50 year-old parent seems "old" - now 40 years removed from their 10 year-old child. How many 50 year-olds do you see getting down and dirty with their kids playing and being carefree?
But, seriously, people of any age can be great parents and lots of different people have different goals in life. Some people seek money, some love, some fame, some recognition, knowledge, excitement, stability, fun, etc.
I'm here to tell you that these things can be quite extraordinary when they happen to you.
Even if everyone in the line rides the same coaster, the plunge is still a thrill.
You're not gonna live forever and you will change your opinions regularly throughout life. Using your time wisely, and investing in a solid future is the 'safe' regret minimising strategy.
Of course, nowadays those plans are less taken for granted, considering many can't even get jobs.
This, to me, is the essence of Education, or at least what it should be - equip future generations with the ability to think critically, to become more adaptable by developing themselves and their peers in the process.
In most of the countries I know of, School systems are self-fulfilling jokes. You have teachers sandwiched between layers upon layers of administration and the kids' parents. You have a lot of parents who've dumped all their educational responsibilities onto the schools. You have the administrations whose main purpose seems to be meeting stats. And after all that, you have the kids, awkwardly categorized by age, pushed through hoops with no clear purpose except to pass tests. This costs a tremendous amount of resources (not just talking about money here), and for what results?
We seem to live in an age where we think everything has to be, and is worth measuring. I believe the "Level up" system is a result of that, it makes it much easier to assess people's worth, whatever the hell that worth may be. Ironically (and sadly), the only way to get out of this is real Education, one that promotes curiosity and self-growth for the sake of it (and eventually for the greater good).
Instead, everybody is just saying the same thing expressed in different wording - safety.
His point is not to bypass the entire family, house aspect of your life. The point is to not move along life as if you have no choice but to move to the next "stage".
Progress is not moving up the stages - getting a house, getting a family, a dog, a kid. Those are just arbitrary checkpoints defined to make you feel like you're making something of your life. The american dream, eh? :)
Progress is to construct a life not defined by limits and boundaries. Living it to the fullest - travel, do great big, inspirational things.
If you choose to have kids when you're 20, you are almost by definition limiting your life only to be somebody who takes care of your kids and works a stable job with a stable family(a stable car, a stable dog, a stable bed to sleep in, a stable tv and a stable view of the world). In other words, inexperienced and short-sighted.
You're missing the point of children - some people experience intense joy from raising their children.
In other words, a couple becomes bored of their stable life. They think - oh, maybe a kid will make our lives more exciting.
There's this recurring theme in what you and OP are saying, that you think buying a house, getting married, having kids, building a career is somehow 'safe' or 'boring' or that those that do it are 'risk-averse' (or worse, are 'robots', or 'sheep' or 'followers', like you have the answer and everyone else is blind).
How is it safe or not risky to commit the next 20 years of my life to caring for my child? Or to commit to providing for my wife through a secure well paid job? And I love my life, it's fascinating. Rarely a boring moment.
Or I can travel. Woo. Take lots of photos. Brag about how out-there I am. Inspirational things huh?
I agree that one shouldn't live life going through the motions. But take care that you don't see the 2.4 kids and assume too much about the person. What's the use of all your long-sighted experience if you're too quick to judge people?
I say again, each of us is a fascinating individual. You and your ilk seem to dismiss some life choices as less worthy - even going so far as declare them incorrect.
Is a mortgage and a dog and a kid 'limited'? I don't see why it has to be. Am I limited because I can't get up and move to Canada on a whim? I am free in myself. More than that I am building something greater than myself; my family. I've chosen stability and responsibility over the ephemeral pleasures of whimsy.
That is truly inspirational, isn't it?
In this case, I think the crux of facing that choice at age 20 is that you pretty much only get to pick one for financial reasons. By around 35, a fella can have enough banked away to happily do both at once.
The jobs 'higher up' the ladder are generally better paid, with better benefits and are more enjoyable.
If you're working 10 hour shifts with two kids and a tiny flat, you don't have much time or energy left to explore self-actualisation. You are living day-to-day, in a perpetual state of tiredness, stress and worry. The only way 'out' is to get a better job. Then you will feel pride, confidence, etc etc - most of the things on the hierarchy.
I can't help but think that you have never experienced poverty. That naivety is the only way I can understand why you'd think that "progression up the career ladder" is not correlated with fulfilment of Maslow's needs (or more broadly, the basic ability to live your life the way you want. To live freely.)
For people who are not in poverty, which I presume includes most of us here idly browsing Hacker News, do we descend down that hierarchy of needs as soon as we step off the conveyor belt?
I think there are more paths to fulfilment than you realise.
I think the fact that every large society on the planet ever has been based on this model is important.
> is the only option for people in poverty really to wait for a promotion
You're overstating my position. Don't wait for an opportunity; create one. But yes, pretty much. There is simply no responsible alternative. You can't run off into the wilderness and fend for yourself. You have to live inside the system we have created. It's really not that oppressive. You should try it.
> I think there are more paths to fulfilment than you realise.
I think the paths that you see as one are many.
edit:
> do we descend down that hierarchy of needs as soon as we step off the conveyor belt?
No, we don't. Ah I see, so what you're advocating is retirement? I think we agree!
You do seem to be pushing hard against something though. It comes off as both arrogant and naive, and leads to misinterpretation.
For someone who's just saying "consider your options", it sure seems like you think you're saying a lot more than that.
What, exactly, is wrong with new kitchens?
You are always part of a much bigger group than you might think. If nothing else physics will take it's toll and you as you get older.