Ask HN: How do you deal with severe anger issues? I need help | Hacker News Reader

Ask HN: How do you deal with severe anger issues? I need help

9 pointsrfnslyr14 comments

I just had another episode that I haven't had in years. I get angry, really fucking angry. I start crying which eventually turns into just yelling, which turns into a rage cry, and then beyond that I can't remember anything, I black out. I just awoke, huge headache, my left hand is decimated and a lot of things are broken. I need to get a handle on this.

Luckily I've never had an episode around people, I have no idea where it would go if I did and I'm extremely scared of what would happen if it did.

Do other HNers deal with this? How? What did you do?

Please help me, I don't know where else to go. I have nobody to talk to in real life.

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Sorry to hear about this OP. How old are you? If you're an adult, then definitely consult a medical professional. A psychiatrist would the obvious person to start with; s/he might also refer you to a neurologist for a brain scan (the equivalent of checking into whether it's a hardware problem ;-) ), and would otherwise address the problem with some combination of therapy and/or drugs (psychologists aren't technically doctors and can't prescribe drugs). Therea re lots of possible causes and I'm no medical expert, so I don't want to speculate on what a doctor might tell you.

That's a tough problem to deal with but you've already taken the right first step by addressing it instead of avoiding it. I have issues with depression and anxiety have a psychiatrist that I visit occasionally, which I've found very helpful. It's not all roses, because we don't understand the mind/brain as well as we need to, so it's rare that a psychiatrist can just 'fix' a problem, but it's very helpful to know that I can consult someone who's dedicated their career to assisting with such problems.

I'm sorry to hear that you're struggling and hope that you'll feel better soon.

While I agree that you absolutely need to see a psychologist or psychiatrist as soon as you can, it does strike me as unusual that you have these attacks so rarely and they involve losing consciousness or memory, followed by bad headaches. That doesn't sound like typical rage issues. For that reason, you should definitely also see a neurologist; these attacks may actually be some kind of partial seizures.

I haven't had anger, but I did have to work through non-clinical depression and the process might be helpful to you. Please note, I can only speak from a Christian perspective. The behavior (anger, etc.) is the fruit of something deeper, so you need to figure out what that is. My counselor had me write letters to God: describe how you are feeling (he gave me a list of words, see [1]) and why and then commit yourself to his care. I found that the goal of this is to figure out why you are feeling the way you are: the anger is coming from somewhere. The problem is not the anger, but what is causing the anger. If you have been abused, that likely factors into it, but injustice (real or perceived), frustration, unmet needs, etc. might also be reasons. Once you identify the reasons, then you need to deal with them. (See [2]) For example, forgiving people who have wronged you.

I strongly recommend seeing someone professional; we need doctors for the soul as much as for the body. I would recommend finding a good Christian counselor, because I don't think that we can truly resolve our issues without the healing that only God can provide. If you are near Austin I can recommend one. However, definitely find someone (secular or not), a counselor or a psychologist who can help walk you through this.

Also, you said you have no one to talk to in real life. I would recommend taking some risks to be vulnerable with the friends you have, or intentionally start looking for the kind of friends that you can be vulnerable with. We weren't created to be alone.

[1] http://www.physics.ohio-state.edu/~prewett/archive/FeelingWo...

[2] http://www.joycemeyer.org/articles/ea.aspx?article=dealing_w...

Most therapy would begin by helping you to recognize the observable events that cause you to escalate your anger and teach you strategies to reroute the course of events in a new direction. For example, I recognize that I am becoming angry when my ears feel hot. I can short circuit that process by deep breathing, counting down from 10, and thinking of someone I care deeply for. Its also important to change your environment when you detect your fuse shortening.

In all honesty, I would recommend getting professional help if the issue has become so serious that you're afraid of losing control. There is a stigma against going to therapy, which is unfortunate since refusing to go see a therapist when you're emotionally unhealthy is the equivalent of not going to a doctor when you're physically ill. You can live without the help for a while, but it will become quite hazardous to your health if you don't resolve it.

I have had anger issues, although I never had rage episodes. It sounds to me that something in your life triggered this event, and that trigger may have reminded you of an earlier event in your life in which your response was to suppress your anger and hurt. This is just my guess though, but I would highly recommend you go to a therapist or even call a help line to talk things out.

You might look into over the counter Lithium Orotate. Google for it, but there are some neat studies on naturally occurring Lithium levels in tap water and things like rape, murder and violent crime. It's theorized most people are deficient of it in some level. Also, get checked out for bipolar - it's like having a seizure but instead of muscle spasms, you get mood spasms (they actual treat BP with antiseziure drugs). And yeah, see a psychiatrist if you can afford it / have insurance or look for a free clinic. Good luck.

Mental health professionals saved my life. Do you have any experience with professional help? Are you comfortable repeating what you said here, but with a counselor / psychologist?

Maybe feel a little bit of pride, because you are emotionally aware of dangers of causing harm to yourself and or others, and care enough to ask for help.

Help to share and solve your emotional state, is exactly what you need to ask for, so I feel glad you asked HN as a comfortable place to start.

First, I have to say that everything will be ok, believe it. Now, if you haven't had one in years, maybe it's some chemical imbalance, I don't know, but first, you gotta find a psychiatrist like tomorrow, because all it's going to take is "one" run-in with the cops, and it's going to be a mega shit-storm from there on.

Hang in there and deal with this as soon as you possibly can. You can get ahold of it right now, everything is still ok.

I agree with most of the other commenters. I have a couple of close friends who have similar (not precisely the same) periodic but persistent troubles, and talking to someone qualified has not solved the problems entirely but has built their confidence in their control over them and allowed them to be sure that they can live normal lives and never be "owned" by their difficulties.

wow. never been that angry. but me + my partner found it useful to work through this book - http://www.amazon.com/The-Angry-Self-Comprehensive-Managemen...

i am sure for many people it would be better to see an expert, but if you're the kind of person that would rather fix things yourself then that book contains lots of useful advice and exercises (the basic idea is that you learn to recognise what is happening, then control it, and finally use it; it's not trying to stop you being angry, but it's trying to turn it into a force for good, rather than an out-of-control mess).

Seek counselling either with a professional recommended by your doctor or with a community group like Rageaholics Anonymous.

Don't wait, contact someone before you talk yourself out of it.

Agreed with clscott. This will help you understand the cause and highlight any potential triggers you might have. Speaking to people these days doesn't have anywhere near as much social stigma as it once did.

Exactly, when you're at rage cry stage - it's pretty bad. Next step is rage farts and that's the worst type of people to be around.

Check your diet. I get this type of frustration and such from red food dye. Sorting out my aversion to dyes has made my life a thousand times easier.

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