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If Apple or any other company wanted to use Twitter, why not create free accounts or pay Twitter for advertising like anyone else could without first spending $700,000,000.00?

I don't understand these "acquisitions" from a business perspective other than as an excuse to legally shuffle money from a big company to mutual investors and executives. Am I missing something?

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Yes you are. Once Twitter has a business plan in place (which they do supposedly but just not executed) they stand to possibly take a cut of every one of their client's profits (depending on the model of course). On top of that, they could still use it like everyone else of course.

Having said that... this all feels like a really lame April Fool's joke. Am I alone here?

Once Twitter has a business plan in place (which they do supposedly but just not executed) they stand to possibly take a cut of every one of their client's profits (depending on the model of course).

No tangible goods. What to profit on? Secret business plan that earns money from every one of their clients' eyeballs? Statement is vacuous.

Agreed. I would rather wait it out and see what exactly makes Twitter worth $25+/user. Unless some obscure Apple genius has the white matter to figure out how to better use Twitter.

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