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Comment by shawabawa3 | Hacker News Reader

> You do not need to resort to pulling out your dick and forcibly placing the woman's hand on it in order to "make a move." There's literally hundreds of other things that aren't sexual assault that you could do before resorting to that.

Is it sexual assault if I do that to my girlfriend of 5 years?

In many contexts it would be sexual assault, but in many it wouldn't be. I think you're just assuming it's sexual assault because you don't like the idea of a book that teaches people how to "pick up women"

FYI, the context behind that sentence is:

> offering advice on what to do AFTER a man has met a cute girl, gotten her phone number, gone on dates, spent time getting to know her, and now are alone behind closed doors fooling around

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"Is it sexual assault if I do that to my girlfriend of 5 years?"

It is if she says it is. That's the whole point, you don't decide, the circumstances don't decide, only she can decide.

And the book says "If she says no, stop immediately".

My point was that I would hope I don't have to ask permission after 5 years without it being sexual assault, therefore whether that action is sexual assault is context dependent.

Long term relationships are different from early dating, you have your own communication and boundaries with your long term partner that are really different than when you are first starting out. However, domestic rape is real and yes you can totally sexually assault your partner and you do not have automatic consent just because you've been in a relationship.

That said, this book advocates doing physically violating things to all women you would date in a short term time period, which is the kind of thing a serial rapist does.

> Is it sexual assault if I do that to my girlfriend of 5 years?

Do you need to read a how-to book in order to seduce your girlfriend of 5 years?

Lots of girlfriends of 5 years would say the answer to that question is "yes, absolutely".

How is that relevant? You are essentially using a shame argument.

The answer is yes, everybody needs to become much better seductors. Why? Take a look at the divorce statistics and then imagine what they would look like if people were receptive to their parters needs (and actually cared about them). My guess is low, single digits and almost no messy divorces.

If someone has intimacy issues after 5 years, he/she may want to consider seeing a relationship therapist instead of buying a self-published book from some guy on the internet that tells you how to pick up women in a bar.

Regardless of that, the book is not about managing long-term relationships. Ostensibly, it's about how to get relationships started in the first place. Therefore, whether a given interaction may or may not be appropriate with a girlfriend of 5 years is irrelevant to the conversation. That was my point.

Becoming a better seductor is only a small subset of being receptive to your partner's needs and actually caring about them. There's a lot more to a successful relationship than sex and seduction, and the idea of no divorces if everyone started having better sex is laughable.

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