According to the author, that was taken from a section on what to do once already in a private setting:

"The thing that the commenters on social media are leaving out is that the advice was taken from a section in the guide offering advice on what to do AFTER a man has met a cute girl, gotten her phone number, gone on dates, spent time getting to know her, and now are alone behind closed doors fooling around."

Out of context, yes, that's awfully rude. But, given the predicating situation, it is not nearly as much so.

I think "rapey" would be more appropriate here if that escalated to holding her down, forcing her clothes off and violating her. Instead, a lot of women enjoy that kind of interaction when you're already fooling around(which is what section of the guide its from) - and if they don't, they can quite easily refuse such an advance in a number of ways.

Quotes about intimate behaviour taken out of context will always seem rapey. Sure, doing this to someone you never met before is creepy at least. Picking a girl you spent a lot of time with and putting her on your lap when she's already shown she's comfortable with physical contact is rapey how?

The expression there is escalation. And the author is as clear as he can be that if she says no at any point, you back off.

That doesn't really sound rapey to me, but I can see how people see things like don't ask for permission and be dominant and force her as rapey. Really though, it is the difference between going for the kiss and stopping when she turns her head (rebuff your advances) and asking "may I kiss you". Any good salesman (and that is what you are doing in a club, selling yourself) knows that one of them gives a much better result, but neither is rape (kissing her even when she says no would likely be assult, but not rape as no genitalia is involved).

I doubt that anyone in a normal situation would consider that to have anything to do with rape.

So, like when a car sales man insists you sit in the expensive car to see how it feels, so one is forced to rebuff him? Sounds similar yo me.

Why isn't this just taking the initiative then? Being proactive?

It seem to me that these days men are expected to sit around, do nothing, say little, and have a lawyer ready.

Don't bother including the context of that, it would ruin the 'rapey' narrative.